morning all in august 2018 , i lost my son to murder. he went outa our front door for as cig and i heard a pop it sounded like fire works as my youngest son started taking the stairs the second pop went i was in the bathroom washing my hands. then i heard this piercing scream no no mummy mummy we need an ambulance Chris has been shot in the head and his brain is coming out i took the stairs and all i could see was my baby doing CPR on his big brother. i joined in but their was no hope i said keep working on him till i get to the other side if i kissed him once i kissed him a thousand times all i kept saying was come on son come on Chris its me work with ya mummy i was rocking him cuddling him at the same time then he just looked at me as ought to say am in my mummy's arms now he looked at me gave me a cheeky smile his eyes rolled back his jaw locked and his heart stopped in my arms. from that day on my life has changed my epileptic seizures are are 3 times a week now my body is battered after having one av tries taking my life i visit him on a regular basis. my hair is falling out av seen a citrus twice they can`t help me the iap can`t see me to the second trial is over cause there was a drive by shooting the nite before on his life so thats attempted murder. my EX husbands cousin got away with the murder even thought he set it up even though his son got done for assisting an offender in July 2019 both denzils knew my son did not stab his son so why is my son laid in the cemetery i can`t get my head round it i need help i arn`t getting any what do i do where do i go my life is hell at the moment am crying the drs saying av post traumatic stress disorder av seen things a mummy should never see but i have av washed my baby down and wrapped him for mortuary put a name card on his face and tummy i gave him his final kiss and cuddle and said mummy will always lov u and i`ll never forget u. someone help please.
Christmas is a strange time. you feel a whole mix of emotions and that is normal. i really miss my dad at Christmas but that’s due to different circumstances. he wouldn’t want you to feel so sad i should think, think of all the good times you had with him as best you can and cry if you want to. it’s human and normal, just take care of yourself, that’s more important.