Mad hysterical negative thinking anyone?

Mental health
1

Every morning I wake up very anxious and shaky with racing mind. This goes on most of the day. The thing that really gets to me is the hysterical thinking particularly comparing myself to other people. It's bonkers. It's all 'shoulds'. I should be able to manage and accept my anxiety. I should have more outside interests. I should have more friends. I should have more support. I should be able to be happy etc. etc. ad infinitum. Also I feel like I want to be someone else, like people I know who don't have anxiety and are getting on with their lives and going on holidays and helping other people and being useful and productive instead of being self-obsessed and worrying about everything. I guess I just wish I was just back to my old self again. This has gone on for years and I've had therapy and I'm on meds and tried different meds and different therapies and I meditate etc. and I'm still suffering and I'm getting old (63) and fear I will never be at peace again. I have studied anxiety and know a lot about it and I know the way through is to accept it (and the crazy thoughts) and not fight it and I try to do this. But it feels like I understand it rationally in my head but when it happens I just lose all that and get caught in the irrational feelings and thoughts. The thoughts are the worst for me at the moment and undermine my confidence. I think I am pathetic and weak, incapable and incompetent. Can't think straight and worried I am getting dementia or something. This is all just low self-esteem, judgemental thoughts and self-criticism triggered by anxiety but the trouble is I believe these thoughts and they just make me more insecure and anxious. 

Well, that's my rant for today and it has made me feel a little better by writing it all down.

Thank god for this forum, as the main thing it does for me is to reassure myself that there are many other poor souls out there suffering like me. I am not alone and you are not alone. 

As Robert de Nero says in the film Brazil, 'We're all in this together, folks!'

2

I can Completely understand you as I'm exactly the same. Therapy. Meds and meditating. Could I ask you what physical symptoms you have if any? I have a constant headache, ringing in the ears, fatigue and aches and pain. I always think I have something physically wrong that is causing my anxiety and depression. Again I have had various tests over the years that have come back negative. You described how I think perfectly and constantly putting my self down and judging others etc etc

3

Athol, have you tried thinking about REALLY sick people - those with terrible diseases and those who are dying. Those in a permanent coma.

This should put yout anxiety into perspective,  since you haven't got any actual illnesses.

4

You are lucky you know what is is and you have taken all th courses and now understand your condition.

Like you I used to wonder what if I was like ??. Although now I know in my own way I have lead a full life of travel and have taken many courses and other things my disabilities have allowed me Tomorrow I am on a journey of past discoveries and things I did when younger. 

This winter I will be taking power boat courses and radio instruction because I want to try something new, I have a tendacey to take on tasks even though I am like you I am mentally disabled,, Reactive depression and Short term memory disorder. Also I suffer from a Chronic Arthritic Condition that is very painful.

We are who we are I am now sixty six and disabled, looking for new challenges.

When we are suffering a disaility I alays feel I need to try things in life that can streach my intellegence and my conjenital Short term memory condition. I would rather try a challenge than not and that keeps me positive

Yes you have an unfortunate condition and are sixty three, So now you look at life in a different way.

 I suffer two mental illnsses, and Chronic pain disability. so what, feel for the sky and go for it

BOB