hi, I have a relationship almost a year with someone I really love, when we started the relationship I always wanted the perfect one and wanted to answer the best to people that flirts with me.
I always thought that my relationship is perfect and everytime I woke up I knew that.
After a year of the relationship I started thinking what I did wrong and started searching for something that I did wrong and I was shocked because I didn't remember those conversations and then I showed my boyfriend a couple of them and he said "and?" "what is the problem?"
and I said "I talked with guys ! I started a conversation ! why ?!" , and I showed him conversations which people kinda flirted and I just didn't answer and then my bf said to delete those conversations, he told to delete everything that I will feel bad about and this is exactly what I did, now I'm in stress that I missed one or two conversations, I always think what I did wrong, and if I talked with someone and I don't remember, I want to know everything and now they are gone.
I see him and I wanna cry, he's so loyal and I'm so bad and I don't even know what I did wrong.
diana, you are NOT bad. You did not do anything wrong
I do not understand your question
why do you think that I'm not bad and did nothing wrong?
Something in my head keep telling me that I'm BAD and that I missed some important conversations and that in those conversations I said something wrong.
Because it may be a disorder. It COULD be schitzophrenia, it could be D.I.D. it could be Bipolar, it could be chemical imbalance. YOU are NOT bad. If it's a chemical imbalance then medicine designed to balance you out would help it if it's a mental health disorder you need to seek a MSSW to get some test taken find out what it is and then that person and you can sort it out and find out what is going on inside. You NEED to get it checked out before you start to decline emotionally and in your thought patterns, get it checked out now. Call someone, go IN and see someone and they WILL help YOU feel better about yourself and then you will see how good of a person you are. Let me know how you do, BUT GO SEE A THERAPIST SOON, CALL SOMEONE AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT AND GET IN TO SEE SOMEONE MSSW MASTER OF SCIENCE SOCIAL WORKER.
well the thing is that it's too expensive so I CAN'T GET THE HELP.
I talked with a lot of people about this and one of them said it's paranoia and the other friend said that I'm just overthinking.
the thing is-the conversations weren't the first step to my fear, but now that something gone(the conversations) and I can't see how I replied- I started obssesing over it.
I convinced myself that I gaved someone my details(age,where I'm from etc) I didn't even see those kind of conversations.
I HAVE ANXIETY BECAUSE OF MY EX BOYFRIEND.
MY BOYFRIEND WANTED ME TO DELETE ALL THOSE CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT IF THEY WILL BE WITH ME, I WILL LOOK EVERYWHERE AND SEARCH FOR SOMETHING BAD.
but he knew the i will make up things in my head at first because I won't remember what was there, he said that soon I will be too tired to even think about this.
I feel alone, I feel the everyone knows how to act but me.
I feel afraid. I'm AFRAID OF MYSELF.
diana, there may be free clinic in the UK, I think you may be looking for an excuse to NOT deal with something you MIGHT have. You sound ANGRY. You cannot self diagnose, I wouldn't try. You CAN talk yourself OUT of seeking treatment but then you will go through this cycle over and over and over again and eventually reach a level when you cannot deal anymore. It is just a matter of time