After years of staying off of Zoloft, but taking xanax as needed, I feel like I'm back to when I was first diagnosed over 20 years ago. My anxiety is quite bad, to the point where I hate being alone, mainly stay in my room, and so much more. The depression is probably worse than I thought, and it's over bereavement and how life changed so suddenly, etc. I also have some medical problems that getting sorted out super slowly. Possible LPR, but no tests done, a deviated septum, and a cyst in my left maxillary sinus cavity.
Anyhow, I'm just wondering if it's best to keep pushing on, or go back on Zoloft? I have a psychiatrist, but have no interest in a therapist. After 23 years of this, they all tend to sound the same, say the same speech, all very robotic in my opinion.
Bereavement is a difficult issue. Everyone deals with the loss diferently but this is something we all have to deal with at some point in our life or other
We take our life and those in it for granted and it's a terrible shock and painful when that alters irrevocably
The fact that you are having medical problems on top of all that appears to be overwhelming you and no wonder.
Only you can decide whether or not to go back on meds. Personally I would because at this moment in time you are struggling to cope with everything and it's depressing you. There is no shame in taking meds nor sense in strugging to cope either
Had you, say, a broken leg you'd have a pot on it not limp around. Had you a severe headache you'd take a pain killer
So yes, my opinion only, meds might help you cope with the worst of the symptoms. Give you a breathing space to get back on track
There will come a time when you will cope with your bereavement. Initially, shock and fear and pain are all consuming. But given time that shifts and good memories replace those. You will remember lost one with smiles, with fondness.
When I first lost my Father, then my Mother, I was devastated. And it reminds one of our own mortality too which adds fear. We want things to stay the same, that is only natural. So coming to terms with life changes is a long and hard road
But you will get there, Kim. We all do given time
Be kind to yourself in the meantime. Take charge of your self. Know that your medical problems will be sorted out given time. Let that comfort you. Know that the grief you are feeling now will be replaced by acceptance, with memories. Because that's the natural order of things
It's good you have a psychiatrist in whom you can confide and who will help you at this difficult time in your life. And doubtless the Forum friends will all be "there" for you when you feel you need a kindly word of comfort and support.
It's not easy to look at what you do have in life, Kim, as opposed to what you don't have. But that is a starting point.
Try to find small things in your day that make you happy. That replaces negatives with positives
I send you hugs, I really do. Be brave, dear, dig deep in you for strength and courage. It's there in everyone if we look for it
One problem that comes out from Mental Health Specialists is they and the Patient run out of things to discuss and any treatments can be talked out. In the past they would change the the Spcialist, although now they prefer to ration courses of tratment.
I do not really know what to suggest as we can lose the directions we have discussed and the sessions can become bogged down.
Exactly! I've seen 3 therapists in my time, and when the last one retired, so did I. lol I've been with my psychiatrist for 20 years, so to say that I don't like change is an understatement. lol 😁
Awwwww, Helen you have managed to bring tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for responding. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.
I thought my bereavement would have eased by now, at least a little bit, but I guess it hasn't. The bereavement is over the loss off my mom who passed in May of 2015. She lived downstairs from me for 18+ years, so I was there for absolutely everything. It's strange because when my mom was sick, I hadn't been sick in ages. A month after she passed I got sick, and it's gone on from there. Sometimes I think it's her pointing out dire problems, like when my gallbladder needed to come out asap. Once it was out, I was told it should have been taken out years ago. Basically, I was knocking on death's door. However, everything that's come after that makes me wonder if it's psychosomatic.
My psychiatrist is great, but I haven't been 100% honest with her. She doesn't know that I stopped Zoloft. I didn't want to tell her in case she would decide to stop the xanax, and in case I decided that I had to go back on. Well, considering going back on took longer than I thought, but I was proud of that. My next step was to wean off of xanax, but then my mom got her diagnosis. Anyway, I don't know what to tell the psychiatrist so that I don't look like a horrible person.
I live in the US, and we celebrate Thanksgiving here. Well, this is the second year that I haven't because I've been sick. It almost looks like Christmas might be the same way. My daughter is 24, and is missing those holidays, but now I see them as just another day. Pretty selfish of me.
By now you know this stuff cycles and comes and goes. It sucks. Its a lifetime usually at least until scientists figure it out. Illness triggers it off. Many many have coexisting ailments and anxiety. No trade offs. If meds helped you then why suffer? You can use them and they work id say go for it. I agree with you in the therapy but know there are also types of therapy, not just talk therapy. Helpful ones once the talk is talked through. Dbt would be my suggestion as well as yoga.
It's hard to embrace festivities when we are grieving a parent. I know more than most cos my own Father died on a Boxing Day. That morning he collapsed, that day was spent in Intensive Care willing him to fight. He lost that fight early evening
Once we lose a parent, Kim, we cease to become a child, albeit an adult child. When we have a parent there is someone to whom we turn, the one who nutured us from birth and who is there to care and protect us throughout our life
So, when we lose that, we stand alone. We have to be the ADULT. We have to be the strong one for everyone.And that's not easy, Kim. An inner voice cries, But who is there for me?
And the answer is of course, you are there for you
You will be strong because you are a Mom, You will take on your own Mom's mantle and be for your daughter , be for her what your Mom was for you
We Mom's are tigresses when it comes to our "cubs"
You will find in you that courage honey. Please believe that. I found it and I swear I am not brave nor strong
But
I realized, having lost my parents,, that all that they were for me, I now had to be for my children. So that come the day, they can be all I was to them for their children
It's the pattern of life, Kim. And we are the threads that weave that pattern
It's barely over a year since you lost your Mom, No time at all. Give yourself time. make an effort to seperate your grief from normal everyday life. You have to embrace your life not just for your sake, but for that of your family
As far as your psychiatrist is concerned, please be honest with her. She cannot help you to the best of her ability if she only knows half the story. It does more harm than good to withhold and you wil be the one to pay the price healthwise emotionally. You will not appear as a horrible person!
Get that notion out of your head, silly noodle
Most people lie to GP,s, lol....ie, How many cigarettes do you smoke?
Ten doctor
LIE! and the GP knows it
How much alcohol do you consume weekly?
A glass of wine now and then
LIE! and the GP knows it
Psychiatrist are accustomed to patients withholding info, telling porkies. After all it's not easy laying bare our souls. Naturally, instinctive preservation makes us use avoidance, lies...
Start with a clean slate in your next session. You will feel better for it and your psychiatrist will be able to guide you along the recovery path
I would suggest you say to her you stopped the Zoloft because you needed to feel a measure of control because you felt you had no control in your life whatsoever. That you wanted to prove to yourself that you were strong
No shame in that
Try to make an effort where Christmas is concerned. Nothing over strenuous. Explain to your daughter your physical problems are wearing you down and that you miss your Mom.
But try, Kim. For your own sake. For the sake of your loved ones
I'm so sorry to hear about your. Having him pass on Boxing Day is such a constant reminder.
I only had one parent, because my mom divorced my dad when I was 2. Evidently he thought that meant he didn't have a kid as well. I was raised by two very strong women, my grandmother and mother. You're quite right about us becoming tigresses when it comes to our cubs. It's like nothing else matters when it comes to our kids, especially if it's something we believe to be wrong or bad. I tend to go "beast mode" lol
My daughter still lives at home, and knows what I'm going through to a point. She understands, but I think sometimes my situation bugs her. I definitely feel like I hinder the family. My hubby and I are supposed to be moving into the lower house, where my mom was, and my daughter will remain in the upper, which will be her first time living on her own. So, we'll be close, but with just enough distance so that she feels comfortable. She works, and is in college for biotechnology, so there's no way she could afford to fully move out. In that way, I see how the circle continues when I take over for my mom, and my daughter for me.
I can definitely tell my shrink that I wanted to try to take control of my life without meds, because she knows how much I hate them. They tend to make emotions flat, but without them it's like there's too many emotions. Perhaps a small dosage would be okay, but I would probably stay on it for life. Going on and off is too much of a hassle, and at age 45, I don't want to continue that rollercoaster ride.
I've never heard of "telling porkies" but it sure made me laugh, so I'll have to remember that. 😁
Thanks for all of your help. You're absolutely amazing! 💜
I like the idea of yoga, and do try mindful meditation, but sometimes life just takes over. Whenever I'm sick, my anxiety gets really bad, especially if anything causes dizziness. That's definitely a big trigger for me.
Well I am on 50mg sertraline so, just enough to enable me to cope but not enough to turn me into a zombie, lol
Yes, Kim, the wheel turns full circle
And no, I don't think your situation bugs your daughter. It's more likely she feels helpless in the face of your problems. And yes, kids, even grown up one's , get scared if their parents show so much of an inch of what they fear is "weakness"
You'll be okay honey.
You'll move into the lower house and the walls will "embrace " you cos this is where your Momma lived. We leave behind an impression and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
When I go back home to my late grandparents home in Austria, it's as though their love and the memories wash over me like a warm huge all embracing hug
Now then Kim, if all this gets a bit much you can get in touch with me, okay? I've been in your shoes, so to speak. I know what it's like. Sometimes we need to "let it all hang out" but don't want to heap that upon loved ones
That's what friends are for, right?
And if ever you need a friend I can be one if the need arises..and no, I'm not telling porkies here, lol
There was a couple of times that I wanted to write you, but didn't want to bug you. That's pretty much the same reason I don't post much on here.
I was on 50mg of sertaline as well, and that's when I felt the best. The doctor did bump me up to 100mg, but that didn't feel right, so back to 50 I went. Eventually I got cocky, and stopped them cold turkey. That was horrible! However, now I'm afraid to start them again because of the start up effects that people talk about. I don't remember having them, but that was years ago and there was no Google. lol
My daughter has recently brought up going to see a psychiatrist, and it wasn't a shock. When she was 17 she told me that she thought she had anxiety. She turned 24 in October, and that's near the age I was when I was diagnosed. My psychiatrist told me to keep an eye out for signs with her, but I didn't have to, because she took an online quiz and her results came back as GAD, and depression. The kid keeps changing her mind about going to the doctor, but I think that's simply because each day is different. I can't help but think that if I got myself together, she wouldn't feel like she does, but that's probably not how it works. Whatever she decides, I'll support her. If she does have anxiety and depression, she'll be the 4th generation of sufferers.
If you had no problems with side-effects from the meds the first time there is no reason to assume you will have them should you decide to start on them again.
Googlegrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Googling at times does more harm than good
I do fear that if you expect side-effects then side-effects you will have. The mind is very open to suggestion
There is no sense if believing that if you "got yourself together" as you termed it, that your daughter wouldn't feel as she does
She is an individual human being, with her own individual thoughts and feelings and coping mechanisms. If she has GAD then thankfully, times are more enlightened and there is far more knowledge and understanding of the illness than there once was
Having said that, the Medical World has dragged its ass where Anxiety/Panic Disorder is concerned. There is a long way to go before tailored medical help will "cure" patients
For now we must help ourselves....We must help each other.
I agree with that. I just read some research and they feel within 10 years they will have something to fix all this. So we all got to hang in there. They barley cared about it before and swept it under the rug uo until about 20 years ago so its new trying to seriously get to the core of this disorder. And we all know the truth in the end it will turn out to be a real cause and they will be able to correct it. Rather then all of us soending most of our existence managing it.
I didn't have to Google side effects, I just come on here and see all of the complaints. lol However, I do know that everyone reacts differently to medications. It seems like I've gotten more sensitive to them as I've gotten older. For now I have to deal with a deviated septum, and all of problems it's bringing, plus possible LPR. No clue as to which is contributing to the other, but the medical field is dragging their feet as I get worse.
It's so true how we have to help ourselves and each other, no matter what the situation is. Doctor's are so overbooked now, and people are more of a number. I liked when my doctor had a private practice, and left the computer stuff to the office manager. He had more time and was very thorough. When he joined a big facility, everything changed. Appointments feel rushed because he has to dictate absolutely everything. I'm just glad that he hates it as much as I do. lol
So far my daughter hasn't made an appointment to see anyone, but I'm glad she's self-aware. I kinda think she's trying to work through it on her own, at least for now.