mirtazapine horror

(Long story ahead)
i suffer with seasonal depression every year. As well as anorexia and emetephobia but these are other stories.
One year the depression wasnt letting go, spring came then summer and it was still just as bad so i bit the bullet and asked for some anti D’s. i had tried sertraline in the past and i didnt get on with it very well plus the emetephobia scared me into trying anything. The doctor raved about how good mirt was and that i would doubly benefit from it as it is well known to put weight on, as well as the antiemetic properties it poses.
I was told everything i wanted hear, i thought great lets give them a go.
i started on 7.5mg and it knocked me clean out, but i had no negative side effects other than sleeping well. iv never had any issues with sleep so it was a bit of a pain that i was sleeping for so long but i felt fine when i woke. i took this for a few days then started the 15mg that was initially prescribed by the gp after a week or so i felt great really positive and full of life again note i did not have an increase in appitite though. after about two more weeks i crashed again full of anxiety and doom and gloom doctors orders was to up to 30mg so i did and again had about two weeks of feeling almost euphoria then crashed again, hard. doctors order was to up to 45mg, im pretty sure you get the picture by this point.
45mg was ■■■■ after the two weeks of positivitiy. i was having panic attacks daily, the sleep effect wore off and for the first time in my life i was suffering with insomnia. i was feeling sick every day, i lost a further 3 stone (i was only 8 stone to begin with) i developed allergies to almost everything which was somthing i never had issues with before. i was a mess. i knew i needed to come of this and fast!
i read so many horror stories about withdrawing so i took everyones advice and tried the 10% taper. this is still ■■■■!
iv managed to get down to 30mg and i honestly dont know how much mroe i can go.
i feel awful, i cant eat, cant sleep, my work is effected, my relationship is effected.
i feel sick constently, which in turn sets of my anxiety.

what else can i possibly so to get off this awful drug?! help please!

I have been on anti depressants forever.Like over 40 years.I have been wanting to get off of them completely.One thing I am realizing is that I cannot do this on my own. I am sending this to preach to anyone but to let you know about the journey I am on.

I am already a practising catholic, and have great faith in God. But this did not happen overnight.I had abandoned my faith due to the corruption within the church.Now I am back because I go to church for God. I was not making it through life, I carried guilt, paranoia, anxiety galore. I feel that no one should attempt at weaning themselves off of their drugs, unless supervised my a doctor.I was fortunate that I was sent to the most wonderful, compassionate, understanding psychologist and he put me on the right dosages of meds. I am thankful that I am on meds that are helping me, but I also want to get off of them eventually with the help of my doctor, but mostly with the help of my journey with God.I know it will work for me I have put God in the Center of my life, and now everything falls into place.

Oops I meant to not preach to anyone…

Thought maybe that this might help.
It’s me again. Wow so much to talk about.I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bi-polar. mmm…never looked at it that way.I am not letting this diagnosis get in my way.. but he did recommend a Therapy Light.Did not get one yet but my sister got one (apparently you can also rent them and it helped her tremendously, 1/2 in the morning sitting beside it and reading a book to relax.We tend to not get enough of that wonderful sunshine.I am looking into purchasing one.

Light Therapy Might Help People With Bipolar Depression Light Therapy May Help People With Bipolar Depression, Study Finds : Shots - Health News : NPR