I'm 25 yr old female I suffer from GAD, Social Anxiety, depression, PTSD, Agoraphobia. Diagnosed with firsr four only. Since I've been homebound I haven't gone to the Doctor. I think BPD too since I read the article and almost all the symptoms match with me. I'm very impulsive and emotionally unstable. Something so minor like a brief exchange of words with the cashier when I used to go out. Just saying, thanks to them made me feel like a pathetic fool. I have a low voice and I would always play it in my mind what I said making me feel worse. I don't know if it's because I'm intimidated by people since I have Social Phobia. I have been housebound for 7 years. Can this affect me? I feel I'm going insane being locked up in my room. By my own will. Some prisoners in isolation go crazy. I find myself staring at things for a big while and lost in my mind. Just thinking about my anxiety, problems. Sometimes just blank. I daydream also alot, have fantasy's in my head of a nice life. Where I have friends and am Social and confident and do the things I want too like going out, being free running. I have conversations with my family too in my head. I even laugh. I know I sound cr*zy. My mom asks me why I'm laughing I tell her I was thinking about a joke. In my head I can tell my family what I feel that I love them. I don't do this in real life they probably think I'm cold hearted. I'm not. I do love them and would d*e if something happened to any of them. I just can't show it. Its very difficult for me. I'm always quiet with them just say a yes or no or a few words. Just with my mom I talk a lot. My fantasy's are a life where I'm happy, social, confident, not on edge or sad and anxious. No worry's. I don't understand why I am the way I am. I used to be mean with them. Very argumentive and saying bad things making them feel bad and me later going to my room and crying regretting my words and that I hurt them. I felt really bad about it since it happened quite often at the end of it all I was always fed up with myself reflecting and knowing I sometimes did it because I was sad and it came out as anger. I wanted them to hate me like I hate myself so that I could finish myself already and not feel bad about it. I know that's mean. But I sabotage myself a lot. My Agoraphobia has driven me to the brink many times I dont know my purpose, why I exist, why I keep going. It's not like I'm doing anything anyways I'm just at my room sometimes staring at the wall other times just searching ways to e*d it all, or in my head like I am most of the time. I remember a time I was in behavioral center where you go after attempting su*c*de. Well, there was a man in his late 60's it was very sad. He kept staring in space like lost in his mind and kept walking never talked to anyone or sat down. Didn't focus on anyone just objects. In lunch time he was sitting by me while I didn't eat and stared at the window where I could only see a parking lot it was raining outside. I wanted to see people or the sun it was very depressing being stuck inside a place with no windows only in lunchtime but didn't see anyone just cars parked. He told me, "isn't it very beautiful since he caught me staring outside." I said, yes. It was weird since he never talked me neither. But his gaze was teary and he kept looking outside it really got to me what he said. I was depressed at the time. I couldn't hold it I thought about my problems, about everything. I couldn't hold back the tears I cried silently some people saw me I was embarrassed. I tried to cover up and dry the tears and control myself. But it was a breakdown I was sad because of my problems. I don't know what he had but his teary gaze made me think he was depressed also. Don't know his story but yeah I wish I could help others but I can't even help myself and I'm way too shy to talk to people and try to help. Then this guy my age sat next to me and would introduce himself. I thought he was messing with me since he did it three times. He would say his name and have his hand out so I handshake him. But then he turned to TV and would repeat this all over again to which I replied the third time, "you already told me." Not in a mean way just confused by him also I don't like handshakes. Can Agoraphobia make me lose sense of reality?
Hi there, agoraphobia is a very debilitating illness on top of your other anxieties so I really feel for you, and as you have very little stimulus other than your room then you haven't really got much else to think about other than your "problems" which reenforses them in your mind.
You don't say whether you take any medication but I guess you do.
Your agoraphobia can be overcome but it will take some time and effort on your part to achieve it, I'd like to think that if you overcame this then it would give you confidence to work on your other anxieties.
The key to overcoming your agoraphobia is slow exposure the idea being that you start off with something as simple as standing at your open front or back doors the idea being that you experience the anxiety but also take in the sights, smells and houses and stay long enough for the anxiety to lessen a little, continue to do this everyday until you are comfortable there, then move on to the next step.
Im not a professional but wonder whether a professional can work with you but that might mean a trip to your GP or whether your GP will do a home visit.
To answer you last question I don't think agoraphobia can make you lose sense of reality but it can isolate you and you lose a sense of belonging to the outside world and become very introverted which you appear to be having said that that is a general symptom of anxiety where we spend lots of time thinking about our illness in our heads, with internal chatter and internal thoughts.
We tend to think we are going crazy or mad but we're not.
You don't say whether you have any support from your family, from what you say it sounds like your not getting much support which you really need.
Why not give some thought to a GP visit as a start whether that be a home visit or not and take it from there, you do have a choice and that choice is yours but I believe with the right medication and professional help you can start to make positive progress.
Neil
Thanks for the reply. I'm not taking any medication. I haven't in a long time. My family supports me but they have their own problems, jobs, family. My mom is the one who helps me but like you mention I need to make an effort and get professional help. Thanks for the advice I will try.👍I would have to go to my GP. No one does house visits here. Thanks again
All GPs now do telephone appointments.
Just call the surgery and ask for a telephone appointment with your GP.
I do think you probably need some help with all the things that are going on for you.
Were you on any prescribed meds before?
My doctor doesn't do telephone appointments. I have to go to her. Yes I was on Xanax, Olanzapine, Atenolol before.
Don't you think you could schedule an office visit on one of the days you're already going out?
And was there a reason you stopped your meds, hun?
I didn't go back to see my Doctor I went down the pithole again. I was terrified of going out. I still don't know if I will I'm trying to make up my mind but my nerves get the best of me. At the last minute I might change my mind. If I do go I can't go to my Doctor that day. It would be too much for me.
Darling, you need to push through your fears and see your doctor.
And, I think, start your meds again. Once they start to work you can add in some natural ones and also work on your diet. definitely too much soda is not helping you.
Yeah I agree I will try to give up soda and get help. Thanks 👍
That's gooe. Keep letting us know how you are. Sharing your feelings does help.