Hi all,
Sorry if I sound ignorant or offensive in any way, my anxiety is just at an all new high and I need someone to talk to.
Im an 18 year old guy and 25 days ago, I was forced into giving an older man unprotected oral. It probably lasted for 10-15 seconds max (no ejaculation) until I pushed him off and stopped it all. I know some people may say oh you let it happen and all that but i just didn’t feel comfortable at all, so I wouldn’t say it was consensual. But I guess that’s besides the point.
My main issue is that ever since then, I’ve been worrying constantly whether I caught HIV. I don’t know the mans status and I know that the exposure wasn’t too long but I cant help but beat myself up over it. I feel guilty, angry, sad and helpless. Every day, I check whether I have any ARS symptoms but there’s been nothing that could definitely indicate seroconversion: I haven’t had a fever, night sweats or anything apart from a rash on my neck that was probably razor burn and lasted for two days. It has consumed my life for the past few weeks, I spend my days reading articles and stories about HIV and AIDS, which all just fuel my anxiety.
On top of that, I live in a small Arab country, so I could never get tested because that in itself is risky and raises too many questions.
I’ve always had extreme anxiety, and come to think of it, a lot of it has been health anxiety. I remember thinking my droopy eye was a sign of something more than just a facial flaw. I’m aware of my irrationality, yet in this situation, it doesn’t seem completely unfounded - and because of that, I kill myself every day mentally.
I don’t know if this post is appropriate, and I don’t really know what I’m asking. I guess the big question is, should I be worrying? I see so many conflicting opinions about oral sex that I cant allow myself to feel assured. What do you think my chances are that I did contract HIV?
Thank you.
You really should not be that worried in my opinion. There is a risk, which you already know, but it is very very low. Unless there was a lot of blood involved and perhaps you had open mouth sores, I would not really worry about it.
I looked at the CDC website regarding transmission statistics and oral sex is a low transmission, meaning that in 10,000 occurrences - it would be rare. They don’t even quantify it.
If it helps you Google Dr. Hunter Handsfield who is an expert on HIV. He has a forum where you can post a question for $25 and you can speak with him directly. We are not doctors on this site and perhaps he can alleviate your concerns even more.
I feel sorry for you that you can’t get tested and are dealing with this in the first place.... anxiety will destroy you so you gotta get past this.
Unless you had an open wound or sore inside your mouth, it is almost impossible that you would have caught hiv from this brief encounter. You don’t say whether you knew the older man was contagious, so that’s another reason to believe you’re OK.
You have to find a solution for your anxiety your real big problem that can mess up your life for years even if you are physically healthy , I went through hell with anxiety and many fears for a long time ,eventually I learned to manage those conditions , you should learn too , with a combination of mental attitude and lifestyle changes , avoid all stimulants ,minimize alcohol , stop smoking ,eat simple healthy and natural meals. Stay busy with pleasant activities and don't expect life to be all happiness , hardship will make you a better person.
....good advice right here. anxiety can make you both mentally and physically sick.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you seeking other people's opinions. I must add that your post is well articulated and concise, and that your concern is genuine and appropriate.
It's sad that he had to force you into sex; but I think that you shouldn't be so much worried, especially since the risk in oral is infinitesimal. If there was no blood involved, I'd say for you to let your mind be at rest. Sorry that it's hard to get tested at will in your region. But I honestly believe you shouldn't let this encounter be a source of worries.
Thank you all for your replies, it has made me feel a lot better.
I agree with you all, I really need to get a hold of my anxiety. Its always been pretty intense but never as extreme as this.
As you all have pointed out, the risk is very low: I mean, the whole thing was 15 seconds max with no ejaculation, and possibly no pre-cum! Yet those facts just aren’t sinking in, and I feel that I’m just that incredibly unlucky.
It doesn’t help that I have Crohn’s disease, which does not mix well with anxiety😂
I’m sorry though, I know how self pitying and ignorant I must sound, I just cant control it.
Hopefully, this fear fades soon and I’ll be able to get back to normal.
Thank you! I’m trying to keep it out of my mind, Ive stopped myself from checking my neck for swollen lymph nodes so I guess that’s something 😂.
Thank you!
Yes I need to. I’ve actually been working out recently and keeping myself busy which has been good at lowering my anxiety. To be honest, I was doing pretty well up until this all happened - all because of that b*****d of a man.
Thank you! I’ll definitely look into that.
The fact that it is so rare should calm me down, but it just isn’t! So frustrating.
Thank you! I don’t even know his status - in my country, only 500 people have HIV out of about a million and a half? So the whole thing is really rare, but it’s just so scary.
... So rare the center of disease control does not even provide a specific statistics for 10,000 occurrences. You should take comfort in that.