This is really helping me because I've gone through the same thing with a man that I truly love. He was in the Army and saw things in the Iraqi war. He suffers from PTSD, he drinks, he's volatile. I tried understanding and I took the yelling and false accusations against me. Just recently (a week ago), he ended things and I've been reeling over it ever since. I've not reached back out to him because he ended things even though my heart is trying to mend over this - I don't know what to do. This is very devastating to me.
Reading this was a God sent to help me understand why my very gorgeous army bf blocks me out after being so wonderful and loving.
He just swipes me like I no longer matter.
He tells me that he going through a bad time .... but works away so it is very hard to reconcile anything without that human contact. Looking into his eyes.
This is now the second time he has done this. It distroys my soul.
When we are good and he is not suffering it’s a dream. But then he becomes this person I don’t know.
I’m so proud of what he has done in his career and we have done counselling together and he was progressing well. But In a matter of 2 days left for work and went down spiralling saying he is very confused and wants nothing to do with me. I give him space and only text once a day. Just to stay in touch and so that he knows I’m still here.
He calls me sometimes but is so quiet I have to do all the chatting.
His job is highly stressful and his sleep patterns are 3-4 hours a night.
He has the same bad dream every night and I can feel when it kicks in after he falls asleep.
He is text book ptsd.
He refuses to take any medication.
He has said that I’m the love of his life and we have been together 2.5 years.
Ivd now learnt that he has been on a dating website and talking to other women while he has been away. He works remotely so there’s no chance of any physical action. But this made me feel physically sick.
I’m in a relationship with two people- an evil vindictive man and a dream man.
I’m a highly successful career woman and think I have a brain to think this through ....
But do I wait again for him to “click back “.....
I’m so heart broken.
Please understand that every symptom you just mentioned I am currently going through. From the breaking up to him joining dating websites. I try not to give up hope, but I truly don’t see an end to this pattern. I’ve had to reach out to his mother and his ex in order to get a response out of him which I don’t think will really help. I really don’t know what to do at this point.
I'm sorry you're going through this as I went through the same thing. I've since learned that he had sociopathic issues before going into the Army and that he has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). If you research this, you will find that all of the symptoms are there and they have absolutely nothing to do with PTSD. Many people have PTSD - my wonderful cousin has it from her baby boy passing away in her arms after a long illness. People with PTSD are not sadistic. Please do yourself a favor and Google this - it will enlighten you. It has for me as I am still recovering allowing this fool to get into my head. I'm actually in therapy.
Can I ask 1 question - what support are you getting? I have ptsd and my husband has had to ask for support as the strain of ptsd has nearly ripped our marriage apart several times. Good luck it's a tough road for you and for him! So being honest ptsd is not a walk in the park but is manageable with the right help!
Hi Matt -
First, thank you for your service. You’ve done the kind of work most people could not, or would not, do. I’m sure your wife feels very lucky to have you. And I know she’s proud of you. I am sure you feel the same about her. That’s wonderful.
Secondly, thank you for your perspective. I’ve been searching for a combat vet w PTSD to talk with. The closest I’ve gotten is a chance run in with an Uber driver (former combat vet w PTSD) who drives at night because he can’t sleep. The second closest is the PTSD therapist I go to. He sees veterans exclusively at the VA. He agreed to take me (because I wouldn’t go away) and because I’m determined to know what my Army Ranger combat vet is going through. Education is the only thing keeping me positive and steady in my relationship.
My boyfriend’s military experience is similar to yours - 9 years as an Army Ranger and two back to back tours in Afghanistan. I wish I could take this pain from him and ease his suffering. I stay with him for three reasons: I love him, PTSD is not his fault, and I’m just not willing to give up on us.
He gets really mad at me and calls me names. I hate to admit the verbal abuse, but that’s what it is. I put up a shield when he’s angry at me so that I don’t take the critisisms personally, and that usually works. He says I’m manipulative and selfish. That’s fine. I can understand that PTSD makes him think that my helping him is manipulative - and that I’m only trying to help him because it benefits me. Also I am apparently ruining his life.
I don’t fight back because it only escalates the situation, and gets worse for me. I don’t react to the yelling and name-calling - and that makes him mad too. It’s had to be tough and resilient all the time.
He’s being treated w meds and going to therapy - and doing EMDR. I’m proud of him for that.
He compares PTSD to having a bad dog. Sometimes that bad dog is mean and it’s loud and it’s embarrassing - but he’s got some loyalties to that bad dog because it’s got him out of some pretty ugly situations. I get that. I just wish I could take it away from him.
It’s not his fault that he has PTSD. (But it is his fault when he’s a jackass.) I’m trying to differentiate the two.
My prayers for him are constant and unwavering.
I have no question for you. I just wanted to thank you for weighing in on this site. I’ve been searching for a combat vet to chat with - I was excited to read what you had to say.
You should consider a business model. Judging from this site, you’d have a remarkable amount of business.
Sometimes, when my vet shoves me away, I need to regain strength - and education is the best way to focus on how to make a negative situation into a positive one.
We are grateful for your service and your participation on this site.
Blessings to you and your wife.
Best,
G
Thank you
Gail1960 sent you a private message hun.
I’d love to read it but I don’t know how to get it.
I sent it to Gail in a private message but I’ll post it so all can read🙂
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I haven’t wanted to log on to this site because as of April he called it quits for good. After replying back to Angelica’s post a year ago my Vet decided he wanted a relationship even bought me flowers and spoiled me rotten. I the side he never allowed anyone to see. Met his ex wife and kids for the first time and even his family that lives outta state. The 4 months we shared together was AMAZING! He ended it April 8 on Easter when I had met his parents. I honesty had no idea what had happen. It was like a switch flipped and all that hard work and he’ll i went through was thrown out the window. He treated me like I was worthless that day. I pulled him aside to ask what was wrong and how could I make it better and he wasn’t happy when I tried to talk to him about it. He said he wasn’t treating me like crap and just walked outta the bedroom. Every time I went to go sit with him or talk to him while his family was around he would just get up and move to another seat and look at me like I was dumb with this awful look. This was a side that I also never saw. Yes he could be a jerk but only thing he really done was pull away and go days weeks months with out contact. Leading up to the breakup we were in the room again and I tried to talk to him to tell him how I had felt and that was a trigger that night I guess Bc he lost his crap on me and through me around the bedroom then told me it was over for good and to get in his truck he was taking me home. I figured he’d be back and after about 3 weeks he was but he wasn’t him. He would tx and at 1-2 am saying “ come cuddle with me, not sex just cuddle. I again ran right to him. We’d of course have sex I couldn’t keep my hands off him ever. The amount of sex we had in that 18 months was insane lol. I’d also try talking to him and cry in his arms and begging him to come back. The next day when I’d get up to leave and try to tx him the night he would block me. I downloaded a txn app to tx him and he threaten to put a no contact order on me and to never contact him again. This went on from May to the beginning of July this year. I went over there one day and he said I can’t do this to you anymore it isn’t fun anymore, your going to end up killing yourself Bc of me. I’m no good for you I can never love you I can see how much control I have over you I can minipulate you this has to end. I was beyond devastated at that point I finally believed that this wasn’t going to work. I had to let go of the one thing I loved more then life. ( other then my kids) it’s almost been 6 months since I’ve seen him. I have talked to him through tx 2 maybe 3 times. Last time I tx him was November 10 and wished him happy Veterans Day and happy Marine Corps Birthday. It’s been a struggle that’s for sure but with each passing day I’m getting better. His contact stuff is deleted. All the stuff we shared together, pictures bday cards his shirts his wedding ring ( I asked him to marry me March 14) all that is in a box. I how ever still keep some of the pics on fb. I’ve begain working on myself. Healing process isn’t easy I still have weak moments but I haven’t had that desire to text him. If I could go back to the beginning I would in a heart beat just to get back them 4 amazing months with him. I have also became best friends with Angelica the girl that started this thread/post. We haven’t met in person but we talk Almost everyday and through out the year she’s been my rock and I’ve been hers as well. She isn’t with her Vet any longer as well. So that’s why I’ve struggled with coming back to this thread. Didn’t wanna read what I’d write but I’m stronger now then back then. I’m sorry your or or were going through this. It’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
Hi my name is Megan and I'm recently starting to date a guy with PTSD and starting to have feelings for him and need someone to talk to. We were together all day this past Saturday. On Sunday and some of Monday he spent time with his two teenage daughters and then called me in the evening and when I called him back he didnt pick up his phone but he texted me back saying he just got home from working out and was tored and already took his sleeping meds. When I asked him if I could come be with him he got mad. He has ignored my text messages all day today. I want to knock on his door but at the same time I want to keep this going and don't want to bother him so he can get in a better mood and we can see each other tomorrow. HELP.
Hello Megan and Welcome!
From my own experience with my sufferer, please just give him a little time to pull it back together. Sometimes they may get triggered due to something said or done and it doesn’t have to come from you. I’m currently dealing with an isolation/shut-out from my ex who broke up with me for convoluted reasoning. Remember, the ptsd brain doesn’t process things they way a brain without ptsd would. They can totally irrational due to feelings that don’t make sense to us, but it definitely does to them. Good luck with your bf, and please whatever you do, have plenty of patience. You’re gonna need it...
If this is something you think you can handle then your in for a long ride. It’s one of the hardest relationships you’ll ever be in. You will have to learn patience. You will have to understand that he’ll go back and forth, he’ll ignore you days, weeks even months. Your basically dating 2 different ppl. Its all about how you react to his triggers and mood swings. Your more then likely gonna have to change yourself in order to deal with this. I had to change a lot. How I reacted to him, my tone of voice, I had to re word things so he wouldn’t get angry. I had to learn to be patient when he pulled away. I had to understand that it’s not me it’s the ptsd. I had to control my anger and not get mad or show up at his house or blow his phone up. They require a lot of space. They hate conflict and will do anything to avoid it. I can’t really give you anymore advise just know that more then likely, this is how it’s gonna be. I spent countless nights bawling my eyes out. This isn’t gonna be easy at all! You’ll have amazing moments with him and you’ll have a lot of heartache with him. Just keep in mind that when he pulls away and ignores you, it’s not because of anything you did. Don’t be hard on yourself or think you’re not good enough. It takes a very strong person to handle a person with ptsd. I’m here if you need an ear to talk to. Good luck ❤️
Hey everyone,
I’ve been seeing a guy since last January and what a rollercoaster it’s been, he had told me that a few years back he had been in a serious accident, he was on a moped and was hit head on, he had to learn to walk and talk again, he said this had effected his marriage as he had no emotional feelings, and his behaviour at the time was out of control, he was sectioned and placed on medication. At the time I was very uneducated on what this was, fast forward 5 months and we was due to attend a wedding, all was fine until the night before when he went missing, I rang his mum out of concern, long story short he had admitted himself to hospital with the thoughts of killing himself, he was again sectioned , but I stood by him, things improved for a short amount of time, he had moved in and we was working together as equals,throughout this time his son visited, but when this happened he always took his son and stayed at his mums as I could never understand why (still don’t) as she had a one bed bungalow and we lived in a 3 bed house, ( a year on and I’ve never met either of his children) then he was back in his dark place as he called it, I was cut off, he returned to his mums and after a couple of weeks we were back on again, then this November I was away for the weekend, my car broke down and when I called he was so distant,he even told me to ring back as he was on another call, I burst into tears when I arrived home, silly probably but I had just towed a car 40 miles, which I’ve never done before and the relief to arrive home was all to much, but when I arrived he left, I was in shock, there was no emotion no compassion nothing.
It took us a long time to talk after that, but my feelings for him had never gone away, Christmas was coming up and we started to make plans, I was getting excited about spending it together when I called him one night and he didn’t answer, I received a text saying “ sorry I don’t want to talk right now” few days later he said he was coming to see me, but then found a excuse not to, four nights in a row he did this, In the middle of all this I discovered I was pregnant but I misscarried,I was hurt but tryed to hold it together, I really wanted to tell him but I was cut off, his son was due a visit and I was scared to death how he would take this news as he already wasn’t in a good place, in the end we spent Christmas and new year apart, he did text Christmas Day to wish me well but I didn’t reply, not to be petty but I was hurt and didn’t want to get into anything Christmas Day, yesterday I went to his mums to return his items, didn’t go how I hoped as I intended to leave them at the back door, but he was in the garden, he asked if I was alright and that was that I left, he used a excuse to text me and I ended telling him about the misscarrige, his reaction was not what I expected, he actually asked me if I was telling stories, even though the picture I sent of the positive test was quite clearly taken at my house, he soon took that comment back and said he was gutted for me, but I should have told him, we met briefly today to talk and I am in bits, I explained how could I have told him as he was down already, I was scared how he would take the news etc, he just sat there and said he was in no place to be in a relationship and he needs to work on himself, which partly I understand, but he said he had felt like this for months, I’m so hurt, why couldn’t he just have said this at the time. The strange this was as I dropped him off he said that there was things he needed to say but had to process his thoughts first, I thought we was saying our goodbyes but feel the comment he made when leaving was odd
My boyfriend is currently deployed. He is increasingly cold and distant .
I tried to break up with him because I didn’t understand the ice wall.
Then I dug deeper. I realized that he had indeed flipped his lid. Lost his marbles. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
He seems completely comfortable with his state of mind. He claims that it will go away eventually.
Im having trouble accepting the
cold behavior. It hurts.
Im not sure if I can do this.
Having the one I love, completely disregard me, is not how I want to live. I want to end it. But I feel guilty about ending it.
Hi
I lived like this for 2.5 years.
Would just disappear saying he’s confused and lost and blame me.
I felt like I was with two different people.
He would switch to this cold heartless person who didn’t care if I was dead or alive... then come back saying he never stopped loving me.
He was also narcissistic coupled with ptsd from army.
I’m currently in court getting a full domestic violence protection againist him.
Xxx good luck
Hello everyone,
I would love to get some advice as well. I met this awesome guy in college recently. We have been together at least 7 months,so yes I’m fresh in the relationship. However, he served time in Iraq 5 years and terrible things happened there causing him to have a head injury. He invited me to move in with him and everything was just moving fast. We would have a simple argument and he would just shut down on me and this is when he finally admitted he has PTSD. He even said we needed space and all these hurtful things. It’s like one minute he adores me and the next minute he’s distancing hisself from me. I care about him and I want to be by his side but I must admit he hurts my feelings. Mainly because he’s off and on with his feelings about me. He doesn’t understand that I have feelings too and I’m hurt about his actions to me. I’m willing to support him no matter what but I need respect from him too
Please try not to take anything personally. He’s unaware of what’s going on with him. It’s not you; it’s ptsd. Just give him space to work things out on his own. If he can work through it, he’ll come around. He definitely needs meds and therapy to help him with coping.
hi,.my boyfriend and I were only 4months but we are in a long distance rationship.but during our 1st 2months he already told me about his PTSD.but im not sure if he is still under therapy now.he always pushes me away but i always told him im not going anywhere and that im just here for him and to understand him.but i made sure that i wont hurt him.and he also told me everything about his past relastionship.and he even open up to me how he is very careful bot to be hurtbut on our 4th month.i open up to him about my past eperiences with my x-boyfriends.because he always tells me that he dont want secret and that he dont want anything to be hidden from him especially my about my past.he got mad about it but eventually we were able to talked about it and even started to have a new life and rebuild what has been destroyed.but everytime his PTSD triggers he always go back to the past and tells me every bad words he knows and even insult me.and almost give up.but he will say sorry and he will admit what he had done but evrytime his PTSD triggers we always start to hurt each other.every thing that im telling him.he always took it in a negative way.we love each other but he feels that what has been damaged cant be rebuild anymore.because i just feel that he doesnt what to forget his past and to just move on.he is stuck in his past and and he doesnt want some one to be with him.i even told him to seek counselling.because he really need someone to talk to.HE is just so sensitive and accusing me of things i didnt do.
I’ve known my boyfriend since we were in 5th grade and we recently started dating...we had a great day on a Friday, he told me that I was his safe place, Sunday he told me that he needed space to work things out in his head, after battling an illness his mother passed away on Tuesday, I found out on Facebook on that Wednesday. He’s is ofcourse being distant, I offered my condolences to him, I got very short responses, but everyone that offered theirs to him on Facebook got sentences of appreciation from him....he’s being so nice to everyone BUT ME....breaks my heart, I know he’s grieving and I’m giving him his space..I’m new to this ptsd and we’ve been friends for over 30 years so I’m NOT going anywhere...has anyone ever experienced the “being nice to others BUT me”??
Greetings Chris,
Your post just validates everything I’ve learned over the past seven months; both by reading and by experience with my ex. Like you, I’ve known him for about seven years and we decided to start dating in December 2016. Little did I know at the time, the rollercoaster I was about to get on; but to his defense, he told me about his illness in the beginning. I just wasn’t aware at the time what ptsd was about; and I didn’t want him to think I wouldn’t be with him because of it.
He broke up with me last August and ended up with his ex again, then wanted me to help him with filing a protective order against his ex, go figure. He then decided to shut down and ghost me in November and I just reconnected with him a few weeks ago. We’re not officially back together, but at least we have mended the friendship. So here lately, he’s been very quiet and not texting or calling me back, but I’m not concerned like I was during those months of quiet. I get it and him now; ptsd rules his behavior and mental and emotional state. I now know it’s never about me; it’s never who he is; it’s an uncontrollable way of life for him.
I do know that therapy (as much as it may be difficult at first) is a must. I also am aware of sufferers not really buying into seeking therapy, but it’s necessary in order to heal. I wish you the best with your situation and with assisting your bf with his illness. 😊