Hi,
My husband has depression and we have been going to phychiatry and therapist visits. He has been taking medicine and everything, but he still have depressive thoughts. It happens almost everyday but when he can have breakdowns or bad temper almost every week. When he has bad temper he doesn't become violent or anything so don't worry. However, I've been feeling so depressed too because of him. I tried to do. everything. I tried doing housework, making him dinner, breakfast etc to make him happy. By the way I am currently earning like 5 times his salary so I am kind of the breadwinner in our marriage so he actually does not have to worry about money as well. I don't know what more he wants. I feel so tired and i don't see improvements in his depression. I feel very depressed or sad and hopeless whenever he is having his breakdowns. I am so so so tired and I don't know what to do. I feel like he's never satisfied and always looking at what I do wrong and always remember the wrong things I've done or maybe become angry when I do something wrong. I wish he could just think about all the good things that I've done for him and bypass the wrong thing I did. For example, last night, my blanket is all over the place. Clothes hangers are also on the bed. He couldn't really find a good spot to sit in and started to get angry by throwing my blanket to the floor and re-folded it. Whenever he gets angry I just feel so sad and hopeless. What should I do? I tried everything I could.
Hello. So sorry for your situation. It seems to me that you two have covered all the bases with your husband but not with you. I see all the time that the caretakers forget about themselves. No matter how much your husband is depressed he has no right to put you down only see wrong in you and speak to them.
You are working also bringing in most of the money and trying hard to help him.
Here's an exercise for you that is visual and helps me. Draw a mental circle around yourself. That way you can see where you start and end and anything that is not absolutely your business don't do it for a while. Let him carry his own load or let it go. Set boundaries. Like no more blow ups or put downs and tearing me down. I'm the good guy and I'm on your side now you need to act like you're on mine. Rest eat nice food. Do something for fun with a friend. Read a good book go for a walk go to a movie. Get into action taking care of you and let his doctors take care of him
Rest.
Write to us we will support you. Diane.
Hi Ilovedog - Get on the phone to one of your mates - a girlfriend you are comfortable with. Announce you are going on an exotic holiday and would she like to come. Get down to the travel agents. Book an open flight two months in advance to some heavenly locale. Or book a trip on a ship. Make all the arrangements and pay for them. In the intervening time prepare fro your trip. Pamper yourself. At some stage, in a coupla weeks, inform his Lordship that you will be unavailable to attend his every need because you and your mate are headed to (insert destination - it doesn't have to be the right one) heaven, and you will not be back for (insert weeks/months.) tell him there's a casserole in the oven, grab you bags and leave all his worries behind you.
When you return a couple of things will happen: either he will fall over himself to serve you such is the relief that you have returned; he will blame you because he was too incompetent to look after himself in your absence; you will see the situation through fresh and more calculated eyes; you will have an opportunity to lay down some laws with regard his demands and your own expectations in the relationship going forward; you will begin planning your next big adventure.
Hallelujah Wayne! Ilovedog I hope you listen. This is from a man's point of view!! Diane.