My Journey with Prozac - Journal/Diary

Treatment and medication
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I've decided to document my journey starting prozac/fluoxetine as a way to cope and record my progress, as well as possibly help others!

Day 1 (Wednesday, Oct. 28):

I was prescribed 10mg of prozac this day and took it early, around 8:30. I had been suffering depression and anxiety which came out of nowhere for 5 weeks and decided to start medication. This was a normal depressed day, but it faded 80% at 6:00 like usual. I went to dinner with a friend and felt somewhat good

Day 2:

Bad morning anxiety. I think I was depressed most of the day, it did gt better around 6:00pm.

Day 3:

​I woke up with my usual morning anxiety and bad diarrhea. But on this Friday I had an exam and noticed after that my intrusive thoughts had started to fade! They were still there but didn't scare me (fear of death, fear of time running out). I went home to visit my family this day and felt happier, though tired at times.

Day 4:

I was very busy Halloween day. Me and my siblings drove all around town to find last minute details for their costumes.I noticed around 2 that I was feeling down again. By 6:30, I had forgotten my worries and was in the moment! I enjoyed my night

Day 5:

Struggled to eat in the morning. Felt like gagging when I tried to take a bite, but I forced it down anyways. I was at a park trying to relax but the anxiety/butterflies feeling was strong. Throughout the day I had bouts of crying and hopelessness. At 4 I felt great again, not perfect but good! 

Day 6:

Monday morning I had to go back to my apartment and say bye to the family. I have to increase to 20mg on Wednesday so I did around 13mg today. Bad morning anxiety like usual, and around 10:30 I had a complete breakdown and cried driving back. My mom talked with me over the phone for awhile to help me get through. I went to class and around 2:30, I noticed something weird. I wanted to listen to my music! I love music but haven't been able to listen to anyhting these past few weeks. I felt 99%! I was so happy, I actually went out to my favorite restaurant alone for the first time in awhile. Great day, no relapse!

Day 7:

Today the morning anxiety was pretty bad. I took 15 mg to prepare for the 2 tomorrow. I had a major, major panic attack as bad as my first one ever, I started crying uncontrollably. It lasted 1 minute because I stopped myself and asked "Am I going to let anxiety do this to me?" I took .5mg of xanax (which never helps me) and much to my suprise, I felt soooo normal at 1:30! I even danced around the room. Later that night I went to a movie with a friend and noticed a small amount of anxiety, like a slight gagging feeling. It strangely didn't go away at night like usual, but today was still pretty great! No depression today.

Day 8:

Increased to 20mg today. I had really bad morning anxiety and went for m CBT, we did a meditation exercise where you breath and imagine an ocean and I literally was having more anxiety! SO around 10:45 I took a xanax... I thought I was going to pass out. I just wanted to sleep all day. It was very hard to go to class after being in bed so long. At home I just tried to watch TV and distract myself. Didn't feel better in the evening like I usually do which was strange. Heightened anxiety all day!

Day 9:

Horrible day. Morning anxiety and bad, bad diarrhea. I could barely eat today, I had a small piece of pizza, and later on a smoothie. I stayed in bed most of the day which is very strange for me, but luckily my friend came around 5. I still had low anxiety, but had a better time a night. 

Day 10:

I was on the verge of a panic attack in the car today, but I wanted to stay calm for my friend. I couldn't eat so I drank half of a smoothie. My friend left today around 10 am. When I got home, I had bad diarrhea and started crying.   I took .25mg of xanax. So I climbed in bed and started writing this which has helped, I do feel less anxious. But the intrusive thoughts are starting to depress me again, although they are manageable. 

 

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Day 10 (continued):

So happy to say that after around 2:45 my depression went away today. I was able to eat and be productive and just enjoy my alone time. Very, very mild anxiety when I think about waking up tomorrow to a new day (and possibly new struggles).

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Thank you for sharing this!! I feel like we are going through the same thing. I was increased from 20 mg to 40 mg last week. I am also having jitters. I usually feel better about mid day. My anxiety comes and goes randomly. And the fatigue hits me pretty early in the evening. I am starting to feel better but like you said, every day brings a new challenege. It's good to know I'm not alone!

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Sounds a lot like what I'm going through! How long have you been on Prozac?

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Day 11:

Today I got up feeling very anxious. I felt like I had the flu actually, and I stayed in bed from 8-1:00pm. When I finally got up, I went out for a drive and my mom called me and was talking about a trip to Hawaii we are going to go on this summer, which has always been a dream of mine... but I felt nothing. Just sad. After she hung up I broke down crying, my depression has come back and little things are starting to trigger my emotions again sad At 3:30 I went out with a friend and felt a lot better than before. Around 8:00pm the anxiety returned though not as bad as in the morning.

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Day 12:

I woke up with the usual morning anxiety, but it was much more manageable than the day before. I did cry around 2 but that was because I heard something very sad, so not unusual! The low anxiety persisted all day unfortunately until around 6:00pm, but little things still triggered my depression/worries. 

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I started on 10 mg back in April and was increased to 20 end of September with the most recent increase to 40 a week and a half ago.

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Has it helped?

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Day 13:

This might be the weirdest day of my life. Woke up yesterday with morning anxiety like usual, but it was much easier to deal with. So all day I felt on the verge of normal, but with this slight anxiety you feel when ou are excited but scared to try something, like a rollercoaster. It is a hard feeling to describe. Anyways, I went to class normally and then was going back to my hometown to visit my family for fall break. I felt much better today and was very optimistic about beating depression and anxiety! But when I got home my mom was in tears, my father who I haven't seen in years had committed suicide. At first I didn't really react as I barely know him anymore, but by night the depression and anxiety kicked in and I started bawling in the bathroom. At least now I have a reason to feel depressed! But it's just horrible that all this happens at such a tough time... it's like there is never a break. 

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Day 14:

Well today I woke up early to take my brother to school. My anxiety was like usual in the morning but of course after I dropped off my brother I cried a lot because of my dad. My stomach hurt so badly all day, it was horrible and didn't go away sad A lot off my family came in to town so that was good, but off course the fear of impending death is hitting me hard right now!

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Day 15, 16, 17:

Surprisingly my depression has greatly improved over the past few days. I still have light morning anxiety accompanied with diarrhea. Right now the symptoms that have persisted are: morning anxiety, fear of time running out/wasting time, fear of being alone, and butterflies in the stomach when thinking about these.

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Day 18:

This was one of my best days so far. I had light morning anxiety and did panic when I looked at the time occasionally, but overall I felt a lot more normal and was able to do things more easily today. Hopefully I continue to improve!

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Yes it has. And like you I have had good days and bad. Yesterday I was anxious all day long. I was able to fight off an attack most of the day and then I had a pretty bad one. Over the last week I have been able to focus more at work and get more stuff done. Just hate that I had such a down day yesterday. Makes me feel like I'm starting all over. I'm trying so so hard to stay positive.

Also, so sorry for your loss! Hugs!

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Day 19 (Sunday, Nov. 15)

Today I woke up with my usual morning anxiety, but unfortunately it persisted all day long! It was one of the bad days... but around 6:30 it went away and I could control my thoughts more regularly again.

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Day 20:

I woke up with mild morning anxiety, and had a pretty good day! I had this strange empty feeling and light butterflies in my stomach but it was definitely manageable.

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Day 21 (Tuesday, November 17):

One of the worst days sad I know it's bad when I start looking up symptoms on google and posting on the forums! So today I dropped off my little brother at school and went home. My grandma and I ran some errands, but the whole time I felt like I was going to pass out. I could barely walk in the stores, and when I got home I just sat on the couch tryimg to distract myself and suddenly I was having a panic attack. The flu like symptoms were coming on strong and I started crying uncontrollably. I hugged my grandma who has been through anxiety and depression (and still suffers from time to time, which scares me) and then I called my mom who helped calm me down. I took .25mg of Xanax and then my grandma and I went to pick up my siblings from school. On the way there I started to feel very calm and relaxed, but the fatigue was pretty bad all night. I was falling asleep at 6! All night I was anxious about having to go back to my apartment in Orlando the next day and looking at the time scared me sad so yes... Bad day!

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Day 22:

I woke up with horrible anxiety at 4:30 am and just didn't want to leave my house to go to college overnight. I was dreading being alone, but I took .5mg of Xanax and made my way to Orlando after dropping off my little brother. I had very bad depression all day long with little anxiety, and I was so tired. The fatigue was very bad, but I still managed to eat an entire lunch at 2:30. After my second class, I went home and was trying to do some work but fell asleep at 6:00!!! The fatigue was so bad. So that was my day, depressing and tired!

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Day 23:

I woke up with anxiety like usual, went to class, and then drove back home for Thanksgiving break. I felt less anxiety today and more like an empty/tired feeling. My stomach hurt in the evening due to my anxiety, but it was pretty bearable last night smile Definitely not myself, but bearable.

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Day 24:

Woke up with the normal amount of anxiety, but today was overall bad. My stomach hurt ALL day and my head felt so tense, like a headache with no pain if that makes sense? Like stressed, even though nothing is wrong. I was constantly thinking "I'm wasting my time, I'm going to forget all this so what's the point" and had a bunch of crazy racing thoughts! I thought I was going to pass out when I was in the grocery store with my grandma and brother, I felt so tired. I had fatigue all day sad So not the best day! I also started taking magnesium pills just in case haha!

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Day 25:

Woke up at 7:30 today. My stomach hurt again all day. Felt out of it, like I wasn't there. Saw the new Hunger Games which I was so excited for but didn't even want to go sad I felt empty all day until around 7:30 when I went to see a play at my old high school with my family. For the first I wasn't thinking "this is going to end so what's the point." This really gave me hope that these feelings won't last since I felt so good last night! My stomach still hurt though sad