My last day will be May 12

Mental health
1

There is no point in living. I have tried, but inside I just feel angst and so much pain. I keep waiting for the tide to turn and it never does. God is just not blessing me, rather the opposite.

I was falsely accused of something, charges were dropped, and now I have a lawsuit which I will eventually win but I just dont care anymore. The damage has been done and my name’s been ruined. Impossible to remove all the lies from online. I now have PTSD from the experience.

My own sister called everyone I know and told them I was “in jail because she stole a laptop from her employer.” Told my nieces the same thing. (All lies) The truth is I was out on a medical leave when a rogue manager lied to the police and told them I quit and kept a company issued laptop. But I was appealing my std medical leave. In the meantime, she terminated me. When I found out, i returned the laptop to hq  using a prepaid label that the security manager had sent me. Even called several times to confirm it was received. (So Im suing her and the company) I went thru my life savings while waiting for charges  to be dropped so I could get another job.  I cant smile laugh or even cry anymore. I feel dead inside so I set a deadline. Hope all who read my post make it but its too late 4 me

2

You sound very frustrated. You have been through so much. Is May 12 significant in some way?  We are here listening not judging. 

3

Don’t let others actions affect you as much as it does. I know its not as easy as it sounds but what others do or say is NOT who you are.   You are a precious human being brought into this world and God is there to help you get through these hard times . Get help by talking to a therapist or clergy.  Think positive thoughts and remember God doesn’t want you wasting your time in worry.  Put your problems in Gods and and from this day foreward start a new life over and only focus on the future .   Praying for you. 

4

Where do you live my dear? If in the UK can you call the Samaritans? 

Have you spoken to a doctor about your PTSD? You are worth something and we don’t want you to go.

5

You should reconsider your decision, suicide is never the solution. I’m sorry if you’re going through horrible times, and I know my sorry can’t do sht but you’ll get through it. Think about the people that tried to bring you down, if you do end it in may 12, that just means you’ve let them bring you down, since you didn’t do as accused then clearing up your name would be sort of easy.. in the end it’s still your decision, but I’m encouraging you not to, stay strong x 

6

What you have been through/going through is horrendous & would push anyone over the edge. But you haven't given up, you're fighting this because you know in your heart that you have done nothing wrong & that is something to hold on to. The fact you're still here & even suing for the injustice is extremely commendable & proves you are SO much stronger than you think & feel. 

Setting a date can weirdly be comforting but it also means a part of you even if it's just 0.01% doesn't want to die. It may seem like the only way out but it isn't.

When I look back on my darkest times when all I wanted was to end it now I think about what a waste it would've been because I got through it, I don't always know how but no matter how bad things are there is always time for things to improve the only way to ensure things don't ever improve is to end it.

Everything that's going on is temporary & will pass but once you're gone that's it. You deserve to give yourself a chance at life & not let ANYONE push you to that point. Why should the people putting you through this shxt continue living their happy lives not giving you a second thought yet your whole life will be gone because of them? That's not fair on you & you don't need to let them control you. YOU are in control of yourself no-one else. 

Remove yourself from all the toxic people in your life including your sister. You don't need anyone that's not bringing positivity to your life. 

Keep going you've come this far do not give up on yourself now x

7

What an awful story and I am so sorry this has happened to you.  I will tell you what would stop me killing myself over something like this and it is the fact that they will have won!   Do you want that?  They won't care either way that you are alive or dead but your loved ones will suffer forever.  They will be blaming themselves for not realising what you were going to do and for not being able to help you. 

One of the things which keeps me going is so that every day I can wake up I can say I am still here you B*****. You haven't got me yet.... 

I hope you reconsider your decision.  x

8

If you have set yourself a date then there is part of you that doesn't want to go through with your plan. Which means you still have a smidge of hope no matter how deep. Life can be s**t, it can be great but also s**t. Sometimes more s**t than good and sometimes so s**t you can't even imagine let alone see yourself getting past that point and it no longer being relevant. I get it. Been there more times than I'd ever thought I could cope with. But funny enough I'm still here. As you will be. I'm guessing your sister isn't your only family, by which I mean who else will you be leaving behind devastated at your loss, not to mention friends. Please don't let 1 family member make you feel worthless. Personally I don't believe in "blood is thicker than water" just because family can hurt you the most doesn't give them the right to. Sometimes family members can be d******d s and arnt deserving of the title family. You will get through this and one day it will just be a s****y memory you have. It won't be easy or be over as quick as you'd like but it will get easier. That i can guarantee you sweetheart. Also, your sister sounds like a bit of a b***h (sorry but she does) so you won't be losing much. If what you say is true she won't be able to turn others against you in the long run either. Even if you were guilty of what she accuses you, it's hardly the worst crime in the world and is definitely easily forgiven. I wish you all the best.

9

Hi LastDayMay12 - Come here, I want to give you a big warm hug. I want to tell you that I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. The scenario is different, but you have described the outcome. Wronged, slandered, shunned. Overwhelmed by the outrage of it. Buried in bureaucracy, going broke. The centre of your being shoved off it's axis. Isolating in your pain and being isolated because they lied, lied, lied. The stain they left. The mind numbing exhaustion. The sense that who you are has died and things will never be the same again. People pointing and whispering, perpetuating the lies, falling silent when you enter the room. Awful, cruel, untrue.

It's been 10 years for me. It changed everything -  from gregarious to anti-social, from a practised trust in society and others to suspicion of everything. From hands on inclusion to who-can-be-bothered-anymore. The pain of living in a bomb site wrought by others. Words sticking in the throat, stammering, all that confidence gone replaced with rage and fear. Dealing with it all totally alone.

The difference between us is that you have succeeded in bringing your offenders to account. You have gathered every last vestige of strength and dragged them kicking and screaming into a place of judgement and you are confident of giving your tormentors a sound beating. You have endured the complicated and frustrating journey they have forced on you and the law will vindicate you. You achieved what i tried to but was stopped by a heart attack. I take my hat off and bow to your determination, strength and success.

How does one deal with the outrage and character assassination? The damage done? The cost to your world view? One day at a time. It will be challenging. You will never be the same person as you were. This has altered you at the core. It leaves life empty and it will take time to build the new you, but down the road, further than you can see right now, you will reach a plateau, a place to catch a breath, rest and reflect. You will realise you won, against all the odds, you won. You will see how big that is. It will be the light in which the new, stronger, independent you will grow. A survivor. An honest survivor.

Have you had any counselling to deal with how you are feeling? If not, that's an avenue you must at least consider.  It's our duty to explore very possibility for survival before even thinking of giving up. You are not alone. We are always here to talk.