I'm gonna talk through the issues I've been facing over these past couple of years. Really all I want is a couple of things I could ask my doctor to get me tested for in regards to mental health as I'm really not coping well.
Firstly, I've become very apathetic. Like, to the point where I've even stopped caring for my close friend of well over 6 years and my family. I've lost interest in things I love (ie, I use to love science with every fibre of my being, but now I'm so indifferent about it it scares me). That's very vague of me but, its really hard to truly describe how odd I feel, but apathy is a good word to generalise that.
Also, I've become increasing nervous. Two weeks ago I had what I could assume to be a panic attack - I couldn't breathe correctly, I was shivering and shaking, I couldn't speak well, it was an awful experience that had my teacher consider phoning for an ambulance because I was struggling. Even now I'm still twitchy and nervous for when my next ones going to arrive. But in general, I've become increasingly paranoid, I'm asking friends if they still like me every couple of hours, I'm always double checking locks, looking behind me, and even simple things like dropping a pencil has set me into a panic.
My mood is another concern of mine. I constantly feel a heavy feeling on my shoulders and chest, and I have to drag myself out of bed and I just overall feel really miserable. Eating and sleeping have become chores to me, I'm constantly bored, and I feel like I'm on the verge of tears at just the thought of having to leave my bed.
Loud noises such as crunching and chewing send me into a panicked state too, it throws me off my meals and makes me want to gag and throw up. The same happens every time I take a tablet, I just get really panicky to the point where I hyperventilate and eventually throw up from how much I'm struggling to breathe.
I've always had a little fantasy world in my head, too. A world the same as the one I live in, only where I'm liked by everyone and people treat me with respect. Its my safe space I go into when I'm alone, and that's probably a normal occurance but I thought it was worth mentioning.
Recently, within the past 7-13 days, I've become increasingly angry and frustrated and miserable over little things. My doctor told me I lost 2 kilos the other day (I was underweight enough as it is when I went to see her 6 months ago), and when she mentioned a blood test needing to happen (which I haven't gone for yet), I freaked out and punched a wall, and I've spent the days since sulking and obsessively ranting to friends about how much I hate her over that one thing. On top of this, I've developed a strange urge to edit things around me. At first I thought nothing of it, until my friends started pointing out I'm constantly editing things, either verbally or on paper. But this past week its gotten so bad that I've become increasingly stressed about being unable to edit small things such as someone's typo on a Facebook post that it makes me shake, cry, pull my hair, bite my nails and lip so hard they bleed, and get so angry I throw things and start screaming.
I spend 99% of my time in my room or isolated because I don't want anyone to take concern over me, because I don't want sympathy, I just want help and people just don't understand when I try to talk to them, they always assume its school based. My grandparents (of whom I live with), do not support me for they believe I'm faking all of this.
Finally, thought it was worth mentioning that I do not partake in any form of self mutilation (minus my nail biting and scab picking from the thing mentioned above), and I'm aware of how vague this comes across as, but I just want general things really. Although details would be nice. Thanks in advance! x