Ive been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember. I used to have a cutting problem but thats been under control lately. But my life is a mess. I feel like a mess. I hate myself so much I cant even describe it. I want it to end now. I need help but whats the point in reaching out if no one in your life cares your gone. I doubt anyone would even notice. I just want to stop feeling like this.
I feel your pain, jade. I've had clinical depression since I was a young teen ager. Battled it many times over the years and now I'm a man in my 60's.
I have been truly suicidal about 3-4 times in my life, but fortunately I got over it. What helped me was having someone in my life who cared enough about me to sense the problems and help me with my struggles. Also, I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 38 and prescribed 20 mg of Paxil daily. That medication helps with the worst symptoms of depression. But clinical Depression needs to be fought in many ways-diet, exercise, therapy, medication.
I noted your comment about 'hate myself', depression is anger turned within. You feel anger at your inability to resolve some issue and it turns into depression. Understanding that may help you deal with your depression a little bit.
I hope you talk to your family physician and explain what you are feeling. Don't be shy, make sure you tell him/her how deeply you are feeling things. He/she may be able to prescribe some medicine to help take the edge off your depression and help you enough so you can get into therapy? Don't mess around with suicidal thoughts, they are a signal that something is very wrong and needs to be addressed. I know, I have been there.
Greeting
Thank you for taking the first step toward your health.many people feels ashamed to share their problems to others not knowing that two minds are better than one.i will help you guide few steps to achieve your fulfilling life.first you have to identify that you have a problem.secondly seek for help.so on your side you have done the first step highly appreciated,to help you I need to know what cause you to feel the way you are feeling.every detail.looking to hear from you..
Why do you hate yourself? For having depression? For not being able to get over it without help? Is it your fault you have it? No. It doesn't help to use emotive language - would you 'hate' a friend who told you they had it? No of course you wouldn't.
You need to see a doctor and get some help. Meds might help as well as counselling. Don't try and deal with this alone when there is help out there. Stay with us too as we will support you as much as we can. x