some of the longer members on this forum that my first grandson was born last October. I was going to have him two days a week which I was really happy about.
However, one of the conditions was that I only drank socially or at night. Unfortunately alcohol and I had two two day binges. One in January and one in April.
after a family discussion we all agreed I was unreliable, which I fully accept. Anyway, daughter in law went back to work this week and he's going to his other grandmas twice a week and nursery twice a week.
To say I'm mad with myself is an understatement! I've lost precious time looking after him and doing what my friends do, what normal people do.
I went out with the "ladies who lunch" yesterday and they were all talking about how great being a grandparent is. You get all the fun time and hand them back at the end of the day.
Today I was so angry and mad at myself that I'd chosen alcohol over my grandson. Decided to go and buy wine this morning, and spend the day feeling sorry for myself. By some miracle, I got to the shop and suddenly changed my mind and came back with San pelegrino water instead!
I know it's my own fault, just feel so cross and mad. Sorry for moaning, but needed to tell folks. Thanks for listening.
That's so sad Vickylou, I understand what you must be feeling and I wish I could give you a hug.
Pat.
Should have said "some of the longer members may remember" sorry, wish there was an edit key!
Thanks pat, I don't blame them as I would have been exactly the same with my three kids. Yes it is sad, and I only have myself to blame.
My husband hopefully will be taking early retirement at Christmas (if they make it worth his while!), if he does, then we can have him from January 2017.
I can't even blame it on stress or financial difficulties. I've got the life of Reilly (or so people think) I can do what I want. When I want. I know I've got two much time on my hands, need to find a hobby, or do something. I do help as a volunteer advocacy for vunerable adults, about twice a month.
Oh Vickylou I am so sad for you. I'm sure in time they will change their minds. You've got to get back on the naltrexone and/or campral. You can do it, I've got faith in you. Sending you my blessings and prayers 🙏❤️
Plus my daughter took my beloved cocker spaniel off me last October and won't let me have her back until I'm several months sober. Not quite the same but I miss her so much xxx
You didn't CHOOSE, you have an illness which makes you crave alcohol, it isn't much different to a person in pain craving a pain killer to relieve the nightmare. You need to treat the source of the problem which is, as you know, in my view, reconditioning your opioid receptors using The Sinclair Method.
Try not to beat yourself up about it. Too many people have been brainwashed that Alcohol Use Disorder is a lifestyle choice and it certainly is NOT.
Oh Vickylou, I am sad to know of your situation. What on earth is this blasted curse on us ? I don't have any grandchildren... but I know that I would not be deemed a " responsible adult", for baby- minding. My adult children Know Me So Well.
I am good, but... flawed.
Your family have to protect the baby. Unreliable is... exactly that.
Where are you now, on this God forsaken freakin' journey?
I am travel-weary !!
Alonangel 😩
Thanks paper. I've only myself to blame.
hi paul
many thanks for your kind words.
hi alonangel
thank you for thinking of me. Just wish I could sleep. I dread going to bed as I know I'll just be awake for hours.
i know you have trouble sleeping, what do you do? If I'm lucky I might drop off around 3am. I often have nights when I don't sleep at all.
I'm on the iPad, as usual. I don't even expect to sleep normally anymore.
I look on here. I look on eBay. I watch some iPlayer. I watch YouTube. I shop... all sorts of places. I just don't sleep !
At least I don't drink during the night !!
Yep me too. Re iPad. Just can't get into reading at the mo or watch tv. Can't believe it's light and birds are singing!! X
we are proud of you!! For certain and YES you are angry with you yourself. Hoever, perhaps you can get accepted before Christmas!!! Keep trying and I am sorry but that is all I can say..still proud of you! Robin
Thank you Robin for those kind words. They mean a lot
Thank you for re-enforcing that it's an illness and that so many people have been brainwashed and the pratictial advice. Its sad that so many people seem to want to punish us alcoholics into getting well when its something we've got to come to terms with and deal with.
It's difficult when you've got the problems that you have, you obviously are trying to cope and deal with it and now you've been seriously punished. I really feel for you. Could you go back to your daughter in law and have a frank conversation with her and get her to understand that you're not a bad person, you've got an illness which you're dealing with. If you had a different more acceptable illness you could have also let them down but you wouldnt be shamed like this. From what you said, letting them down twice in a 4 month period looks like they are over reacting. Don't feel bad about yourself, carry on battling the illness, drinking San Pelegrino and consider that frank conversation. Tell your DIL how much you miss your grandson and how you have an illness (compare it to more acceptable illnesses like depression or anorexia) and that you've got your grandsons wellfare at a top proirity whilst he's in your care. Rooting for you. Punishment and shame is not helpful xx
Thank you for your understanding. Whilst I'm mad with myself, i can fully appreciate and understand their decision. They've both got demanding jobs and work long hours. Baby is at nursery from 7.30am to 6.pm and they don't want to be worrying if I'm sober and he is safe. Having had three children myself, I would never have left them with someone I wasn't 100% sure was reliable.
My husband isn't happy me having him either, as he thinks he'd be worrying all day if I was ok or not. I suffer with anxiety which is mostly controlled, but sometimes the only thing which helps is alcohol.
Also it doesn't help me having a drink driving conviction. I drove not knowing I was over the limit, in the morning after a party and took my own kids to school. Obviously my son can remember it clearly. I have never driven since and never will do again.
Ive just got to wait until my husband retires, hopefully the end of this year.
The light from your iPad will keep you awake, angel, it's the kind of light that tricks you into thinking it's daytime and being awake. Have you tried reading a book or magazine instead. Not sleeping is really no fun.
Hi Vickylou - I do so feel for you. I've always struggled with motivation not to drink, and this just shows that if motivation were enough you'd do it, rater than not see your grandkids. Don't know where you are, but here it's illegal to be drunk in charge of a child, so it's in your interests as well as theirs. I do hope you find a way through but as Paul says remember it's not your fault - it's an illness.