I was assaulted earlier this year and it was horrible, I have bad depression and ptsd from it . A therapist from the victims of crime program was assigned to me and overall it seems like she's pretty good- I have really felt a connection with her and that she has a way of communication similar to mine that helps. As nobody's perfect the one thing I noticed was she is very optimistic- nothing wrong w that unless it clouds your ability to really hear when a patient is in a more critical place.
The past few months I've seen her i was never in a crisis during that time , but there were a couple times I was really struggling and once mentioned to her how I was concerned and she did help me in the meeting but kind of felt a slight feeling that her optimism was giving her a more rosy perspective than what is really going on with me.
In the past I had a therapist who was more attuned to possible signs of impending crisis or warning signs and would come out and ask me if I was feeling safe and made a safety plan with me etc. she was optimistic but not so much so that she was not able or wanting to see signs warning signs
Anyways so, as I said I never had an actual crisis over the time recently I've been with her. She never actually laid out discussing with me how being assaulted and the trauma of that cab sonetimes result in being at some risk for self harm, and didn't lay out any type of discussion what signs I should be aware of (such as not sleeping well or drastic change in living habits etc) or creating a safety plan with me. I should have thought to ask what her policy is how she proceeds if a patient shows possible signs of going into a crisis.
We just proceeded in therapy meeting weekly often twice weekly and it's been pretty helpful.
Until.... two weeks ago. I had let her know a couple weeks before that about my concern that this time of year coming up might be a problem for me as it's associated with a couple trigger dates of things that are related to the assault. I made a point of giving her that information and she said we could work through it but never sat down with me to talk more in depth about it or to make a safety plan etc.
So then it suddenly happened- worse than I thought it might. I got triggered really bad and hoped I could shake it off in a day or two- didn't happen. I felt unable to leave my house very out of character for me and called and left a voicemail for her to let her know the changes in me and that I was concerned about my level of depression, that it was different because I felt unable to leave my house and majority of the time am in bed etc. and that I was **concerned I am heading into a crisis** and asked her to call me back. The entire day went by from time I left message at 9:30 am until 4 I hadn't heard from her- even tho I had left a voicemail I felt I might be starting to go into a crisis. I finally called again and the person at the front desk transferred me to her and she cheerfully said hi, so how are you doing? ". I was confused because her cheerful lighthearted greeting sounded like she hadn't got my message about a crisis. It turned out she did get the message and said that she is in outpatient setting so she can't just "be on the phone all the time"-- and that she had to do some administrative paperwork before she called me back.
I was shocked. Administrative paper work trumps a patients possible safety?
She was nice sounding, and then offered to talk to me a bit to see if that would help me feel better. It didn't because I felt somewhat betrayed--- I look to her as one does to a doctor for physical care,... her casual response was hugely shocking to me.
Please if you have any advice I want to get thoughts from others-- up until this crisis happened everything overall seems pretty good. I'm not sure if I should stay with her or not- if I'm not in a crisis she's helpful but it is critical to know if you do have a crisis your therapist will respond with due diligence and in a prompt manner.
On the other hand i have spent time with her and she knows what happened and my issues of how it affected me- having to change to a new therapist is depressing and stressful.
I don't know how can I talk to her about being let down and that I didn't feel safe or cared for when I went into crisis and she had a casual response to it?
