Its the pain in my neck and stomach that lets me know anxiety is still apart of me, its the pressure of my chest and my rapid heart beat that keeps me fearful.
Anxiety has me up at night from 12am- 6am, my mind just wants to see the sunlight when the sun comes up. I then know im safe, or am i? What about my depression, it kicks in like a demon entered my soul, i cant breathe or move. I want to sit still, no motivation neither love for anything anymore.. what has happened, its like im stuck in my mind and i cant run from it. Im so terrified i will die soon, but im only 19 i have so much to live for... but then my mind kicks in telling me “ what do you have to live for? Lets just sit in bed all day and sleep”. I have NO enjoyment in my life anymore. My chest is on fire, my heart feels numb MY WHOLE BODY FEELS NUMB, my jaw and neck starts to hurt.. i go dizzy and feel soo sick, and lets not talk about sick/nausea/vomit; im SO terrified of being sick. I literally would rather DIE than me sick, maybe my mind hates it Not me. But i cant run from my mind, im dizzy and faint i cant breathe, my arms are numb and i have pins and needles all over... i just want to grab that blade; no i dont, i promised i wouldnt. But i need to. I need to feel something real. Nothing that is playing in my mind right now. Maybe real pain will stop these anxiety attacks, I HATE THIS.