Hi everyone
This is a long post as its my first ever. I’m looking for some advice and information from anyone who has been in my position. Apart from short breaks I have drunk alcohol every evening of my life for over 35 years now and I recently decided that it is time to tackle it. I drink about two bottles of wine a night, and sometimes a couple of Gin and tonics etc. I drink on my own while making dinner and don’t really then stop. This is of course way over the suggested limit, and though I don’t get hangovers, I do become argumentative and unreasonable quite soon after starting drinking, in fact after about three glasses of wine. I almost always end up asleep on the settee and then going to bed much later on and not remembering what happened after a certain amount. I’m fed up with myself and hearing my husband tell me we have discussed something I’ve forgotten, or knowing we have had an argument, probably started by me but not remembering it. I’ve lost count of the number of parties and events I’ve been physically present at but too drunk to remember and we don’t invite people over as I know I will drink too much and be embarrassing. I have a great job, home, husband and stepchildren and I want to sort this out while that is still the case. When I’ve stopped for a few days deliberately in the past I have no physical withdrawal symptoms but I did get bored! I can’t at the moment see myself going teetotal though that is probably the end plan. After reading a lot about stopping alcohol and potential relapses and withdrawal if you do it too fast etc I have decided to cut down over four to six months with the aim of being under 14 units a week by Christmas. I don’t want my doctor or employer to know about this and got hold of nalmefene on line.I had read about all the side effects of nalmefene and to be honest don’t like the idea of meds but do like the idea of breaking the pattern and desire to drink too much. I did experience sleeplessness, night sweats, heart palpitations in the first three days but persevered and now on day 9 these are all reduced. I’ve been drinking mindfully, I do wait the full two hours before drinking, and I’ve found the effects are reduced if I eat and drink quite a lot of water. I’ve read here that sometimes you can start increasing consumption when taking nalmefene and that it can take up to four months to notice a lessening of wanting to drink. Well I am not drinking more, but I am drinking the same, and feeling the effect even more. I’m also a bit spaced out til about 11am. I’m a bit worried I will end up drinking and also taking nalmefene every day so adding to the problem (and expense!). Has anyone charted their journey and found this and come out the other end and if so when and how did you start noticing you wanted to drink less? Looking back my father was an alcoholic, and his brother committed suicide being depressed and an alcoholic too so its always been in my life. My husband is a normal drinker as are many of my friends
With the fact that you have drinking issues in your family and the fact that you have a pathway in your brain that has been reinforced over the course of many, many years, it is quite possible that your drinking will be quite stubborn and this process may take quite some months for you.
You are doing everything correctly in terms of taking the tablet and waiting etc, so assuming you used one of the UK-based online pharmacies for this medication, then that side of things is all genuine and taken care of.
Next:
Have you tried having a glass or two and then putting the drink down and interrupting your usual drinking pattern?
The tablets are a tool that will stop the endorphin reward that means we continually keep drinking. It's a two-way process in that part of the mindfulness is actually about us learning to break the habitual part of our drinking. That isn't going to happen overnight, so it's a case of start chipping away at the edge of the old habits.
Try anything that will slightly interrupt/delay your next drink by maybe 10 or 15 minutes. That is a good start and can be anything that works for you - ring a friend, go for a quick walk around the block, take a bath, and one of the good ones is as simple as cleaning your teeth!
Also, please google C3 Foundation Europe and you will the website that I run to counsel and support people through this method. It's free as C3 is a charity organisation, so if you take a look through the website and then if you feel you would like some one-to-one support to chat things over, then just drop me an email using the contact page. I am also sure others will reply to you in due course as many are using this method, sometimes with nalmefene and sometimes with it's sister medication, naltrexone, but I know they will be willing to give you some of their experiences of what worked for them.
Thank you for the very quick and helpful reply. All makes sense and I'm especially aware of the log term pattern to break and I have the patience to take a long time over this. No for some reason it had not occurred to me to interrupt my usual habits mindfully for a period in the evening while drinking - I have been doing what I usually do which is keeping going once I've started, even when everyone else has stopped and is on to the coffee. I do walk my dog but often that ends up in a trip to my local pub!! And I would have carried on drinking while chatting on the phone, and while reading a good book or watching a video and often do. Have also been known to take a glass of fizz to the bath so I'm seeing more and more now that my 'habits are subtly different from 'normal' drinkers and all involve alcohol. I've also realised a lot of what we do involves people who drink. Anyway I'm going to try changing my dog walking route, teeth brushing, putting the bottle in a different fridge rather than keeping it on the counter top, having water in between drinks (something I never do), spending time in a different room while reading.
sorry, Joanna I should have said yes I used a UK based line service and did complete a two-week drinking diary. I've ordered a second subscription now, and I will go look at the forum and will drop you an email
Yes that all sounds good. As regular long-term drinkers, it is difficult for us to learn new ways of more 'normal' drinking....
Just be sure not to set your goals too big. There's nothing worse than setting a goal that (in reality) is pretty much unachievable. Like losing weight, most of us would love to lose a stone in a week, but it's not really possible!
So, make each small change separately. Then when you achieve that it is a good confidence boost. After you have the hang of that small change, then move onto the next one and so on and so forth....
I dont see my reply from about 20 mins after your first post earlier today. I will see if this appears before i re-type the tome!
Hi Hayley
I too have hrld this same drink pattern for some 20 years and know it is time to stoo or become a 'normal drinker'. I literally only joined on sunday so was amazed tht someone with a similar problem popped up immediaely i have not tried any meds but read with interest the interruption idea and will be visiting Joannes website. i am in the phase where i recognise that it needs to stop and what i have read in your posts has given me heart. It 7pm and i havent touched a drop. The book is good, so interruption 1 worked.
Hayley, also:
1. Make sure you're tracking your drinks, it really seems to help.
2. Keep an eye on when you tend to drink more quickly (like when you're on the phone or watching televison) and resolve to keep only a NA drink by you at those times.
The 10-15 minute task is a great suggestion and one that I used myself, especially in conjunction with leaving the drink in another room and only going back for sips. Mindful pushback on this addiction really does help and any tricks along those lines you've used in the past can really be helpful while Nalmefene is giving you a bit of "power assist" on the boozing "brake pedal".
It's kind of like being taken Prisoner of War, wherein it's your duty to find some way to escape. If the one way doesn't work that well, the guards will lead you back to the bottle, so remain vigilant and look for another way.
I just found a site with loads of information on vitamins, herbs etc to hlep with recovery. AND I ordered several of them immediately. I will let you know if they help me. I dont actually want to stop drinking, but want to get it under control and I need to help my 71 yo extremely addicted to alcohol boyfriend. We are taking some supplements already and his thinking and memory are improved. Here is the link.
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Hi Hayley firstly i must say well done on your decision to start this journey.Its really early days for you especially giving your drinking patterns. I was a binge drinker so could stop and start but never stay stopped or stop drinking once i started and believe me I got into lots of messes and took too.many risks once the booze was in me.I started my TSM journey last December taking nalmefene .I experienced all those side effects you mention although I was not as bad as some people describe but it was very inpleasant.However i continued on Joannas advice and took it for 8 consecutive days and side effects pretty much went .In the first 5 or 6 weekes i had some ups and downs still drinking too much sometimes and feeling like rubbish.Christmas didnt help I really noticed a big difference after 2-3 months, i was not really feeling the vibe anymore and struggled to drink 2 small glasses of wine .Its been much the same since but what has changed now is the frequency .After 4 months in I was only drinking once every 2 weeks and now its 6 months and i drink on a social occasion about every 3 weeks ..My interset in alcohol and attitude towards it has completely changed .I am so amazed ,its the miracle I once dreamed of.
Keep working with it Hayley and am sure you will have the same results in time.Time is the essence here .It was great to read your post.Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best.Keep posting so we know where you are on your journey x
Hayley I have sent you a reply but its gone to be moderated 😑 Hopefully you will get it 😀
wov! i AM joining late and you have had so many good replies and support already...I would suggest to drink much less and faster and this is for your own health...i was also in a spiral of more and more and making an idiot of myself too often...medication is a good idea as well. You are going in the right direction and also being honest is brilliant!! Robin
Robin2026 I hopr you got my earlier reply I thought I'd comment on something that really resonates, you said drink slower...,.I'm a gulper..,who will be filling glasses including my own when they are half way down.... will now walk away and top up only when empty
hello again Sue...i actually stopped 31st Dec 2012...or 4 1/2 years ago since I was drinkink myself to death IF I had carried..just wanted to claridy..never took medicine but always recommend NOT to do that. Better to seek medical advice 
Best of luck on your journey
Robin
Hi again everyone, Hayley here posting against my original post I hope (I'm new to this as you can tell) - first of all thanks for all of your help on here.
I’m now on day 20 of Nalmefene, with a second madly expensive prescription – (have not told anyone at home or doctor about this) – I can’t believe it is that long! I have continued to drink every day and am following the guidelines, always waiting two hours before drinking etc. The only side effects I’m still feeling are a pain in my stomach when I wake up in the morning and still feel a bit spacey during the day which does worry me a bit but I’m going to give this my all for the full six months. So, no dramatic change in me but I’m drinking less units a night than I was but seem to be affected more, and more quickly. This is partly because I’m being very mindful about what I’m doing as suggested and recognising patterns of behaviour – we have house guests at the moment and I am always the first to suggest a glass of wine /fizz etc, I drink faster than everyone else, I top up more often and I tend not to eat when I’m drinking. I also carry on after everyone else has moved on to coffee which I’ve mentioned before, and sometimes when everyone has gone to bed!I intend to chart my journey over the next 6 months as my aim is to be an occasional drinker under the normal limits by Christmas. There are so many things in my diary in that period that traditionally involve a lot of alcohol so there will be some challenges along the way and achieving this would be a bit of a miracle. Ultimately, I know that I am a person who probably should abstain altogether. I’m also continuing to try some things suggested on here – having 15 minute breaks, going to a different room I don’t normally drink in, having water as every third drink, reading a good book, walking the dog a different route
Amazing Robin ! I love reading these little snippets of your story such encouragement to everyone ..😊
thanks..only one truth...never give up trying to improve/stop!!
Nat hi I've got a bit but not much further on now. Am being patient as your journey resonates with me. I and still usually drinking as much maybe a bit less but tonight it tastes funny, metally, and I felt a bit sick after four glasses so stopped. When you and others say you struggled to drink much after 5 or 6 weeks I think you meant your brain didn't want to but for me it seems to be physical. Did anyone else find that?
Hi Sue, I have had a similar experience the with my wine tasting metally , this seemed to be all the time and I kind of just thought it was me .I would think it is just the way tbe whole booze thing is being interpreted by the brain as not a very rewarding experience !
Last weekend I allowed myself to drink socially with friends ( up until now since starting TSM I have not really drank very socially ) I did have 3 glasses that night , good company and a good laugh . I was in complete control and and not a single urge to keep drinking...That night the wine tasted better and am wondering if that was because the whole experience was more enjoyable ie convivial company etc.
Anyway you sound to me like you are doing fine , just keep doing what you are doing , its still early days for you , just ensure you drink mindfully ..something us boozers are not used to doing but with the medication you can do it.! You can ! x
Hi Nat,
Good to hear things are still going well for you.
I just wanted to highlight something you have done, maybe unintentionally or not, but that is a really good practise and something that I regularly recommend to others....
Drinking socially AND mindfully at the same time is a really difficult thing to learn. As you correctly say, this drinking mindfully idea is so alien to all of us. It's like a baby trying to run before they have reasonably mastered walking.
Anyway, the fact that you took time to get a good grip and understanding of mindfullness PRIOR to going out and doing TSM socially is a really excellent way of doing this. I feel 100% confident that this is why you had a very enjoyable evening out.
Well done, this is great to hear!
:-)