Need advice - My husband is suffring from depression, How to approch him to see a doctor?

Mental health
1

I have studied about Mental Health on this and many other website and I feel that there is something very serious mental issue with my husband.

He talk to himself. Mostly in angry mood. No Interest in outside activities, he like making friends but he always find something negative in everyone. He treat me like his competetior. His face look so depress and for small issue he get very angry and He make it big issue and sometime he hit me if I am trying to explain him any thing.

Once I broke cup while washing them and he make that really big issue and even he was so angry about that and he search the price for that cup on internet.

Now If I will ask him to see a doctor then he wont listen, please let me know what should i do, How I can help him? I WANT HIM TO GO HOSPITAL AND HAVE JUST MENTAL CHECKUP.

2

Are you both with the same GP?

Is it possible for you to talk to his,GP?

Your GP will not be able to give you any info about your husband, but at least your GP will then have knowledge of your husbands problem

If your husband declines more and you fear fir your safety, please ring the hospital and they have a

crisis team who can help you both.

Don't be a punch bag for his emotions, you are

worth more than that and sadly once they have hit you then they go on to do it again.

Try and make an emergency fund, put some money away every week, then if you have to escape you will have some money.

Making negative remarks - does it make him feel better?

Is he so low.

As his wife you can ring the hospital and have him hospitalised if he goes off the rails.

Keep a note of all injuries you receive.

I truly feel that you are under a lot of stress with your husband. Its is mental and physical cruelty.

My heart goes out to you. I have been there myself so fully understand, with love, Linda xxx

3

This sounds as if it could be more serious than depression. I don't know which country you live in, but in most countries it's difficult to just go to a hospital with mental health problems. You're going to need to start with your GP (family doctor) if you have one. Can you go to see him/her without your husband? You can't force him to see a doctor. Another alternative would be to try and approach his family or friends, or your place of worship if you have one, but you'd need to be careful about that. People with mental illnesses often hide them quite successfully from their friends and more distant family, so they might not believe you.

How about you? Do you feel safe with him? And do you have children? It sounds as if this might escalate. Is there somewhere you and the children (if any) could take refuge if your husband had a violent outburst? This could be your family or a friend, or even a women's refuge. You should consider secretly keeping a bag packed with everything you'd need for a quick, temporary escape, including money and documents.

I wish I knew whereabouts in the world you lived, which might help with knowing where you could seek help. In any case, it's not advisable to keep pressuring him to see a doctor as this could make him even more angry and irritable.

My heart goes out to you. I do hope you can find a solution.

4

Thanks linda for solving my problem. now first i will try to contact his GP and will explain him all the situation. But I am scared that becaue of this if he lost his job then he will be very angry, does it effect of his work? last time I ask him to go for counsilling but he get very angry.

5

Hi Lily

I live in UK. I am with him from last 6 years and Since I am married his whole family creat some new problem everyday in my life. I feel his whole family is suffering in depression and Now I am also in depression and I want to leave from here and want to go somewhere very far.. but I have a responibilities, I am a mother and I have a good relation with my son. he is just 4. but i want to help my husband because i know that he got some mental illness and he parents gave him a lots of trouble and he never get love and respect from his parents, and he call them every day and try to keep them happy, as his parents are greedy and they are unhappy with him for every reason,

He was so happy when he met me first and He was so happy out our marriage but when we got married he just got changed and his parents was unhappy about our marrige, as i am india and we have dowry system but we already clear that we dont beleive in this and suddenly they create new issue that My Dad promised for giving me a Land and Gold. But my dad never said that, and I told them that If my dad want to give me something then why you are fighting for that, It's me and my dad issue.

So many things I cant write here, my husband loves me alot but his parents pressuer is too much and his parents treat hi like a baby,

my husband want to keep me happy and at the same time he want to see parents happy and he need love of his parents as well, and try his best, but his parents wrong demands made him mad, like dont allow your wife to out and make new friends, take all the money from her, dont breastfeed the baby, eat rice only, dont eat wheat,  and so many wrong advices

I feel his parents mad him mad.

I will now go to GP and tell him everything but I am scared that i dont have any job. and i also feel that i am also a victim of mental illness due to suffering all this from 6 years.

6

No We are not with same GP, but atleast I can ask my husband to change his GP to mine.

7

Hi.

Explain to the GP about the violence.

I feel t that you are frightened and rightly so

Please pack some clothes and put some money away in case you need to escape.

Please make a note of each time your husband smhas been violent to you.

You are living off your nerves, you must tell the Dr.

There are places you can go, one is Women refuge, social services.

The police can help if hebis violent towards you, explain to the police, if he has a bad attitude and aggressive to the police they can bring in a Dr and he can be sectioned under the Mental Health Act.

This can be for 72hrs/28 days/6month.

He has no option of walking out.

Three people are needed to section your husband, a,Dr, Social Worker etc

Don't be a punch bag and don't live in fear.

Have you family you can run to?

You also can make a request to have him sectioned as you are his wife. Talk to your GP about this and also talk to your GP about your own health - you are under a lot if pressure.

Its not advisable to talk to him re counselling as this may lead to violence.

Keep calm at,all times or look as though you are calm, don't give him any reaction, this should calm things a little.

8

from last 8 months he made many changes and i dont know why because mentall he is same. like now he start paying me, he allow me to open my own bank account, if i want to buy anything he dont say anything now, even he dont hit me but one he was so angry and he wanted to hit me but he controled him self insted hitting me he pressed me with his 90KG body weight and I feel very hurt. But my problem is that I feel hope less, i dont have anyone in UK. My all family lives in India. and They dont have money to come here.

9

It's not your fault if he loses his job. Its out of your hands.

You come across as being terrified.

What are you getting from your marriage?

Violence, Aggression, fear, insecurity.

If the violence increases are you prepared to walk away and start a new life?

I feel counselling is a way forward for you after the hell you have been living. Help you to understand that it is not your fault, help you to regain confidence in yourself and help you realise you are worth so much more than this

Do not put yourself in danger by requesting he see his GP or counselling.

Your GP will be discreet and send him an

appointment for a check up. The GP with your information can assess his state of mind.

Be totally honest with your GP.

My heart goes out to you. If you want to private message me then please do so.

We will support you and advise you, you are not alone any more, and.it must have taken a lot of courage to ask for help.Well done.

With love. Linda xxx

10

It's not your fault if he loses his job. Its out of your hands.

You come across as being terrified.

What are you getting from your marriage?

Violence, Aggression, fear, insecurity.

If the violence increases are you prepared to walk away and start a new life?

I feel counselling is a way forward for you after the hell you have been living. Help you to understand that it is not your fault, help you to regain confidence in yourself and help you realise you are worth so much more than this

Do not put yourself in danger by requesting he see his GP or counselling.

Your GP will be discreet and send him an

appointment for a check up. The GP with your information can assess his state of mind.

Be totally honest with your GP.

My heart goes out to you. If you want to private message me then please do so.

We will support you and advise you, you are not alone any more, and.it must have taken a lot of courage to ask for help.Well done.

With love. Linda xxx

11

It's not your fault if he loses his job. Its out of your hands.

You come across as being terrified.

What are you getting from your marriage?

Violence, Aggression, fear, insecurity.

If the violence increases are you prepared to walk away and start a new life?

I feel counselling is a way forward for you after the hell you have been living. Help you to understand that it is not your fault, help you to regain confidence in yourself and help you realise you are worth so much more than this

Do not put yourself in danger by requesting he see his GP or counselling.

Your GP will be discreet and send him an

appointment for a check up. The GP with your information can assess his state of mind.

Be totally honest with your GP.

My heart goes out to you. If you want to private message me then please do so.

We will support you and advise you, you are not alone any more, and.it must have taken a lot of courage to ask for help.Well done.

With love. Linda xxx

12

You can speak to his,GP, all you need to say is that you need to speak to a patient if his,who you are concerned,about. He won't tell you any info but at least he will look,at the situation and request he goes for a check up. He won't tell your husband if you tell him he is violent towards you and you fear for your safety xx

13

You must be suffering terribly. I haven't lived in the UK for 40 years now, but from what I read regularly on the BBC website, I think you're one of many Asian women suffering in difficult marriages in the UK. Are you living with your husband's parents, by the way?

See your GP, and keep a bag ready just in case you and your son have to leave home for a short time.

I know that there are support groups specifically for Asian women in your position in many cities in the UK. It may be that your GP will have details of these. If he doesn't, you could contact the Citizens Advice Bureau. There's always an office in every town, and they will be able to tell you about any support groups in your area. You'll find them in the phone book, on-line, or your local Council offices could give you their details.

As Linda says, none of this is your fault and you won't be letting anyone down by doing something about it (regardless of what your in-laws might say). You're not letting your own family down either. You're in the UK now, your husband has to abide by British laws and you have the same rights as any other British woman.

From what you say, it sounds as if he's a bit desperate himself and might secretly welcome a chance to talk to someone about it.

You've got a lot going for you too. Many women in your circumstances don't even speak English but you speak and write it very well, and you're very articulate.

Stay positive. You've taken the first steps, as Linda says. You can send private messages to me too if you want to.

Love,

Lily

14

he has anger management problems and you will find it very hard to get him to see a Dr about it because he will think that it is not his fault.

Richard