Need help :(

Mental health
1

Hi everyone.
My anxiety is back and worse than ever. I literally thought at one point I dont have it anymore. Im not even sure this is anxiety by now. I feel like its something physical, and the physical thing is creating the anxiety.. Like a thyroid can, or a heart attack..
It all got worse three months ago. I am 20 years old, 56kg (lost 10kg in two months) and 175cm. Eating quite healthy, not drinking, partying, no drugs, no cigarettes…Quite healthy. I would like to excercise but my physical state doesnt allow me to.

The thing is.. I always feel really nervous for no reason. On edge. Like 2 minutes before a life changing exam, - 24/7. I feel so sick from it, physically. Its like I cant take it anymore.
My blood pressure is always up, we talking around 140/90-100 (once 150/135), my heartrate shoots up with me just moving my arm while sitting ..to 95.. When im not moving, its around 60-80. As long as i stand up, its 100-105. I can feel every beat, my chest feels weak, my legs feel weak, I can feel the strong pounding in my chest.. I also cant really eat because I have severe indigestion, so im losing weight. I feel like death.. Now the breathlessness… I cant even go up the stairs without my heart racing at 120 and pounding strongly, I always get so so short of breath, like I have to sit down and catch my breath after just making my bed or walking down the street… You guys, I cry everyday because of this, im losing my life.

1.- Im scared my body wont make it - I am physically quite weak and I dont know how much longer I can take this. Im surely damaging my arteries and heart with the blood pressure combined with tachycardia will kill me.. It cannot be normal or benign.. and doctors are straight up IGNORING me. They see I have tachycardia and the blood pressure, but they dont give me anything for it, they dont tell me anything about it… Its like being stuck in an elevator and you keep ringing the little bell button hoping someone will save you from suffocating but everyone just walks by and doesnt give a damn and you just sit there, nothing you can do, just keep trying ringing the bell but you are just straight up ignored. Its like a nightmare.
2.Im scared to do anything now. Scared to leave the house, scared to move - stand up and go to bathroom, I have to give myself a pep talk to go to the shower, because as long as I stand up I can feel the heartrate rising, the blood pressure boiling, the heart pounding, anxiety increasing… I dont go to school, I dont go to work, I dont go out with my friends

I need to travel in two days… Go to an airport?! That sounds straight up impossible right now… I dont know how Ill do it…
Im really waiting for a miracle… Like someone who would come up to me and tell me everything is going to be alright, that they can see into future and they know it. That its going to end magically, or that doctors will finally find whats wrong and give me the right pill and I will be me again. I am straight up ENVIOUS of people that can go to work. Or can go to a grocery store and not second guess it. Or go to a club, are you kidding me? Just go anywhere and have fun..and dont think about your heart and feeling how its trying to explode just by walking up the stairs in the club?

You guys I feel like I cant do it anymore. I have no answers why is it happening. All I know is that nothing works and that there is nothing I can do…

Some tests/screenings/results of physical tests I have and pills that I take
1.- Blood tests, basic biochemistry, thyroid - thyroid works well, found high Anti TPO - 2100, should be max 60. I dont know what it means, doc didnt seem to care. As always. Also got told I have borderline celiac disease numbers.
2. Holter monitor three times for 24 hours - EKG, found 2% extrasystoles in bigeminy, trigeminy and cuplets. Every time I had the monitor my heart magically didnt act up.
3. Holter monitor one time for 24 hours - Blood pressure - surprisingly okay, only once got a spike of 150/90 in school. Rest of them were around 110/70, 120/80… Which is interesting, when I measure the BP, it doesnt go under 140/100 (electronic shoulder cuff, has been adjusted, works well.) or in the doctors office the diastolic is always around 100.
4. Stress test on the stationary bike - within 5 minutes of easy excercise got to VO2 max - 180bpm, 160/110 bp, got told its fine and was told I need to walk more.Hard to do since I get so breathless and my heart starts pounding with minimal activity..
5. Like 20 ekgs which were all fine, just sinus tachycardia, once got told I have “skinny QRS”, whatever that means. No one cares enough to tell you
6. Gastroscopy two years ago - nothing found
7. Physiotherapy check up - My sternum cracks and hurts a lot, got recommended to get it checked, basically got told its all fine and that im just “hypermobile”
8. Heart Echo two times - nothing found
9. 4 therapy sessions - a waste of a lot of money
10. 2 sessions with a psychiatrist - got told to take antidepressants, I am strongly against them after Ive seen what they have done to my friend´s father. I dont feel like its a solution, just a silencer.

I got an appointment for endocrinologist in 3 months for the high TPO, and also with an gastroenterologist in 2 months. I live in a big city, you can get sooner appointments only if you are rich enough and pay a lot of money.

Im very hopeless. Thank you for any tips

2

its very sad you are experiencing this but you are not alone its just one of them things that happen in life when you feel so lost and alone you feel like your screaming in a dark place and nobody can hear you ive been there and im currently starting to recover i know you might not want to do this but heres my advice if i were you i would get some sort of medication for anxiety its nothing to be embarrased about its there to help you and i think it would be a start to recovery well at least for me it was i also lost a lot of weight and i completely let myself go due to my depression the longer you spend searching things on the internet and thinking negative the worse you will be.. just try and stay calm and think of options you can do!

3

i was like you where i was completely against medication and i thought i would be judged but there will be a time when you give in and do it anyway.. i only take a low dosage and thats what you should do :slight_smile:

4

The worst thing is that I dont even know if its anxiety. I dont know anything? What if its physical? you know..

5

from what you said it sounds like it is like anxiety is a powerful thing and it can do all sorts of things to you wouldnt it be best to give it a try?

6

If i knew 100% its the primary reason, I would do them.. ive seen what antidepressants do, my friends father got his life absolutely ruined with them, im too scared.. and I tried benzos, they dont do anything for me. They only alter my mental state a littlest bit, not the physical symptoms..my blood pressure and heartrate stays up anyway.. So its quite worthless for me. I do betablockers, they also are not ideal..
Does anxiety make you breathless when just walking though? and make your heart pound with littlest amount of excercise?

7

Hey,

Reading this it was honestly like reading about myself (I am 23).

Especially with the high blood pressure and how you explained the way you feel going up stairs! I too can 100% relate when you say you feel weak & like your body cannot take it. I have a fast pulse too as well as high blood pressure (its all due to my anxiety!) I am healthy and somewhat fit.

I too could not accept there was nothing “physically” wrong with me. I requested test after test after test and even went and paid crazy amounts of money to go private as i was so convinced i had a heart/brain problem.

It is safe to say I am in perfect health despite this crazy illness anxiety!

The best way it was explained to me was this:

When you begin to fear something in your body (such as your heart rate, rhythm etc) your brain becomes SUPER aware of it. You develop hyperawareness of normal bodily functions. Because you develop the “fear” of the heart rate (which will naturally increase due to walking up stairs and even standing from a sitting position etc) your brain will release adrenaline and cortisol when there is any slight change to your heart rate. This is because your brain has learned that this is a “THREAT” so it activates your stress response which in turn raises your heart rate! It literally is like catch 22!
If you have had loads of tests done and everything is normal i would really recommend therapy or self help anxiety books which helped me!
Keep telling yourself “I AM HEALTHY AND STRONG” everytime you feel your heart rate fluctuate and you will start to believe it. As weird as it sounds jogging or any exercise that raises your heart rate can help you understand that it is okay to have your heart beat fast, you will not pass out or collapse.

I hope this helps you as I honestly have been exactly where you are and relate to every thing you wrote! Good luck :slight_smile:

8

emma -
I am 35 female and i feel uour exact symptoms. I am convinced its my heart . I am seeing a cardiologist , but only because I told my doctor to send me . He thinks 100% anxiety related . Gave me klonepin and some propronol(beta blocker) it just makes me so tired and adds to my anxiety . I am taking it one day at a time . Eating healthy , working out slowly . very slowly . baby steps . create a diary and journal . I am going to have all these tests and if they come back normal , I am going to lead a healthy lifestyle and if that doesnt work i will take some meds. Hang in there . You arent alone !