Need to reduce my 360mg per day of OxyContin help

Treatment and medication
21

hey, What a fantastic idea to keep a diary, it must be a brilliant aid when your at a low point I may just adopt that one, once again well done you for getting this far you have done amazing, I'd give you a gold star 🎖

Were you on any other pain med's as well as the Oxy? and if so have you reduced any of those? I too ketamine for a few years as well but stopped it because it just didn't last very long, I just stopped taking it. Yoga and exercise sounds great but unfortunately won't work for me I'm in a wheelchair and any exercise causes more pain so I'm not going there. Did you have seizures before you had the oxy and have you like me been on lots of other mixes like MST etc? 

Being very curious or you could say nosy, why did you start on the oxy? and how long have you been on the opioids?

YOU ARE DOING SO WELL! 

Take care

Julie 

22

Julie, so very very sorry for the following weirdly strange, very long, waffling on post so take this as a warning as i won't blame you if you don't read on any further! 😊 (and its the middle of the day & not even 3.a.m!!!)

Hahahaha I like the "see you at 3.a.m" bit lol!!

Sorry Julie, I've only just seen this as i always stay at my partners at weekends.

She asked me to move in with her & her 2 teenage kids a few years ago which I did but, after a while things went pear shaped yet again! Not with our relationship, that was as great as ever but my ex had kicked my eldest daughter out & she had nowhere to go, she was only 15 at the time!!

My partners mum had just buried her husband & found out she had breast cancer only 2weeks after so I had to find somewhere to live close to my daughter's school for my daughter & me as she was doing her exams & there was no room at my partners with her mum moving in for my daughter to move in with us, my partners 2 kids aswell so it was my decision so my daughter had somewhere to call home! Even though it was what my partner or i wanted as it was so hard for us both to not live together etc, it was for my daughter & we didnt really have any other options at the time!

What a mum to kick her daughter out at that time & all down to, 1, because her new boyfriend was an idiot & didnt have or like kids (And I know you'll find this very hard as you're a "Normal" person) to believe! lol due to my daughter studying in her spare time instead of doing house work for her mum!! It's 100% true!!! My ex was a total house proud freak.

When we were married, I worked shifts. On lates I'd get in at 2.a.m & get up at 7 so I could take my girls to school as i wouldn't see them all week if I didnt!

I'd get home & there would be a long list of housework to do before I started work at 14.45. Clean, dust & Hoover top to bottom. EVERY..... SINGLE..... DAY!!!!

Please, don't think I'm joking lol. There are people like that in this sick world we live in & my ex was & still is one of those bloody fruitcakes!! To top it all off after finding somewhere to rent for the 2 of us, after 3 months my daughter felt so guilty due to her mum begging her to go back daily, that she did!!!

Because of all this & the house my partner lives in, it's a big old house so she spent £3k on splitting the front massive bedroom into 2 bedrooms so my girls will always have somewhere to go!! Just like your William, she is also an absolute Bloody Angel!!!!

Anyway I digress!

I would travel to Liverpool but i know my GP surgery would never fund it.

When I first approached my new GP surgery (as the ones that put me on all that Oxycontin didn't wanna help me come off it!!) There was a Dr at a hospital in Liverpool that specialised in getting people prescribed opiates off them but i can't remember her name now! She was a specialist in this field after seeing a documentry all about it. When I asked my GP to refer me to her, as there was so little help around here, he applied but, said their budget would not fund it so I know that wouldn't happen as its only a small town in the Peak district where i live.

But I would go anywhere, and as you know when you're in pain you'd do anything but, I'm afraid at the moment it isn't an option!!

Weird question Julie but, at my spring chicken young age of 50 😆 not worked for nearly 2yrs due to all my health & especially back issues etc. All I've ever wanted to do is get back into work but, I know the issues I currently have I would really struggle. But having worked every single weekend since 14, then worked solidly for 34 years, my parents brought me up to work so I just hate what's happening to me being unable to do anything at the moment & would do anything to work again.

I had a hobby of repairing designer watches from a real auction house at the jewellery quarter in Birmingham, polishing every scratch out & bringing them back to better than brand new condition before all this messed my head up! I have every polishing compound, polisher, ultrasonic cleaning tank, repair tools, everything! I could've made a great living out of it which is my aim once I'm able, people were calling me the very best watch seller on the internet etc, I've got my very own website & everything before all this just messed me up.

But, I also told myself, due to the lack of support out there when i was trying to come off the Oxy that I would change career once I sorted myself out & commit the rest of my life in getting a job to help others in a similar situation to what I was in! But I just don't know where I would start! Do you know what i should do in order to get a career to help addicts etc?

Sorry, but i did warn you it was weird, long & waffled on!!!!! 🤣🤣😉👍

Take care

Ritchie xx

23

You're doing soooooo very well sweetheart. You really really are & please try to forget about all the negatives you're going through right now as each one is a step closer to getting the REAL YOU back & to getting your life back that you & your husband so deserve!!

I admire you, I really do admire you & I'm not just saying that!! I never had the inspiration to go for a run to try to sweat it out of my system. I used to play football loads so was quite fit but, (even if my back would've allowed me too run) I wouldn't because i was so down, I just couldn't have done it!!!

I know we've spoken before & you're doing so well, honestly you are & deserve so very much credit!!

People who've never been in this position don't appreciate that it's quite possibly the very hardest, most difficult thing that anyone can ever do in their lives, to come off such a powerful drug as Oxycontin as it is actually much stronger than & so much more addictive than Heroin. This stuff is pure Heroin. It's man made synthetic so there's no other rubbish put in there like there is with illegal street heroin. This is 100% pure stuff made by people in white coats which, when our Drs said it was amazing & the future of pain relief we believed them!!!

I've been hand on heart free from this stuff now since August 2016 (even though im on methadone to help, I'm currently down to 35mils per day now from 115mils per day) & I honestly believed Oxy would kill me rather than be free from it as i was so very dependent on it that it's really frightening now looking back but, I now just try to look forward & put everything I went through down to experience just to help others!

What you said to Julie about a diary is great advice, my partner told me too & i did start to but lacked motivation in the end! I deeply regret not doing it now as I so wanted to write a book about my whole experience one day from my initial visit to my then Drs, to my recovery & to writing about how Purdue Pharma the manufacturers got this by the FDA to make $Billions & how they've been found over $650million to date to make themselves very very rich through murdering innocent people! A diary would've really helped!!

It's only since around Christmas time that the daily depression, anxiety & all the rest of it started to leave me alone & I actually started to think, is my life now actually starting to come back to me?? (Minus the memory loss) The old me, the REAL me that people wondered where i had gone that didn't know what I was going through as i chose not to tell certain people!!

My Partner said to me once again last night, the very first time she said something like this was Xmas eve:

"Thank you so very much for coming back to me, I thought I had lost you forever but, I've seen you since coming off of this slowly but surely get your personality & life back to what I fell in love with & now that i know you've finally fully come back to me, I never ever want to lose you ever again! It was like a shadow of you was here but, it wasnt really you. But now I can see the Real you has finally come back to me & even though you say you're finally getting your life back, you've also given me mine & "our" lives back & that means more to me than you will ever know!"

I'm a grown man of 50 but when i think of what the person I truly love has said, it actually makes me cry. To think what I put her through all those years, how I'd drive over there & lie to her saying I'd lost my last dose just so I could get more (she would look after them for me as I would've eaten a months worth in a week if I had been left with them), she hid them from me but I always found them, that's how bad I was & how i got upto 1500mgs of Oxycontin per day! I don't tell lies, I hate liars yet I had become one of them! It was so hard to live with what I had become just to feed my cravings for this crap!!!

When I look back now, if you truly love someone, you'd never do that to the person you love would you!

To hear her crying when she thought I was asleep when she wanted to make love at night & I'd make yet another excuse because i knew, not only had I lost my sex drive but know I couldn't have performed anyway! But to hear her tears, how could I have done that to her! To put her through that pain & heartache!! That's why I really truly hated myself. Fine, take yourself down but don't hurt the one who truly loves you & that's exactly how it made me feel!

I now realise it wasnt me as I am genuinely a person who cares about how people feel! I know it's rare in this evil world we live in but, there are many millions of us left still that do think & feel this way & we by far outweigh the ones who don't!!

I know it was this evil LEGAL Heroin they call Oxycontin, Hillbilly Heroin, Oxycotton plus all the other Nick names they have got it in the states where Purdue brought it into the world to make many $Billions from people's suffering!

With all the negatives though there are very many more positives!

My partner & me are closer than we've ever been. I owe her my life as she stuck by me through it all & is still here which tells me something & I will spend the rest of my life repaying all that Love that she showed me over the hardest years of my life!

If I can beat this & I can honestly say I have beaten it as even now, I still keep forgetting to take my methadone, which is why I dropped the amount I did so quickly! Then you & any one else can also!

You will get your life back I promise you. I know you want to be free from it yesterday but, just take it slowly, a few extra weeks won't make any difference to the rest of your life & the suffering you've already been & are going through! & the withdrawals will be much less the slower you go!

Try not to feel guilty even though I did & it's human nature too. Your husband loves you, he wouldn't still be around if he didnt would he! 👍

Just take one day at a time & look forward to the day when you finally say you've got your life back & you beat it!!! Because you will, you will get there!!

Take care

Ritchie xx

24

Hey Ritchie,

You should pursue a career in counseling, you are an inspiration to us all.

huge hugs and thanks, from me and all the future people that you're going to inspire. X

sorry not stalking you honest lol

25

Lol don't be daft I know you're not stalking me & I asked you a question, you answered so thank you!!

Take care

Ritchie xx

26

Hello, me again just thought I'd share my latest, today was my 6th day reducing my pm dose by 10mg, this one hasn't been as smooth as the reduction of the am dose, I've not had any adverse effects from the drug but I can feel the effects on my pain levels those 3am's have been quite hard to handle the nights have been very long. I've had to be really firm with myself it would have been so easy to put that 10mg back or anything just to have a little pain relief, but last night and today has been a little easier so I'm hopeful that it's starting to level out. I have to say I'm really pleased with myself that's 20mg off so I can now say I only take 340mg per day whop!  On one hand I feel incredibly lucky not to have had any withdrawals yet! perhaps I shouldn't jinx it, but on the other I'm really frightened, there was a lot of extra pain especially through the night and that's what scares me the most so I'm going to wait a month before going for the next reduction (part of me just wants to say to myself, stop being such a drama queen and put your big girl pants on the other wants to hide under the duvet and pretend it's not happening). so that I've had time to get used to the lower dose and hopefully my pain will regulate.  Well that's it rant over.

Sorry Ritchie I shouldn't be dumping my insignificant waffle on you.

thanks for listening (reading)

Take Care. Julie xx

27

That's great Julie very well done!!

I was thinking just before I read what you put about staying on that dose now for at the very least a month before dropping again! Let your body adjust to that level & just get used to it before you drop again. You're doing it exactly the right way, your body has been used to that dose for years so it will need time to adjust, even if it is a few mgs per day.

I was really very surprised how well I did to be honest. As you know I dropped hundreds of mgs over time with no increase in real pain levels as such until I got to a certain level & it hit me big time all of a sudden. That's not to say it's going to happen to you as everyone is different but it was inevitable it happened to me as I did it way too much way too fast!

How you're doing it is the way I should've done it, if I had done it the same way you're doing it, very slowly & gradually, I probably wouldn't be on the methadone now but, I've dropped that by another 5mils this week so I've not got too far to go now!!

Remember you're doing great, just carry on what you're doing & don't let anyone else rush you to do it quicker.

Oh....... and dont ever apologise, thats why were all on here!

Catch you later.

Ritchie xx

28

Oh Ritchie, I'm soooooo sorry I completely missed the post you sent about you living situation, daughter, ex etc I'm sorry that you had to deal with an OCD ex but it just shows what an amazing dad you are, the sort of dad that every child needs especially girls, I know how much mine worship their dad and I did mine. I bet they can wrap you round their little finger with just that look! All girls seem to have it and of course don't forget the way they say Daaaaaaad when they want something, I think they're born with it. Girls in their mid teens have enough going on with all those hormones crashing around they certainly don't need unstable mothers making them homeless, not that I wish to judge lol. It's really refreshing to hear of a parent who himself had issues putting his life and that of his partner on hold for the sake of his children, I know there are some of us normal people left in this world but we tend to hear of only those who abandon and abuse others, so sad, I'm a believer of karma what goes around comes around so at some point all that good is coming back well let's hope so or for me perhaps I was wicked in a previous life! Anyway good for you for protecting yours shows you a a GOOD MAN.

You said that you were going to be seeing the pain clinic again so you could ask them for a referral to the Walton center they can only say no.

I think to get into the counseling a good place to start would be to speak to the charity who helped you in the beginning, or one like them, they like to encourage success stories like yours so that others can see and talk to someone who's actually done it, if you start day doing a little volunteer work for them, (hours to suit yourself and they are understanding that not every day is a good one) they will progress you through the training and it could lead to paid work if that's what you wanted. If they don't want you I'm sure any drug agencies will be happy to have you because you have got the tee-shirt and stated in the film. I told you that I do some coaching for people with long term conditions anything form diabetes, depression,COPD, PSTD, anxiety, my referrals come from the GP and I usually see them once a week for between 6-12 wks each session is about an hour where it's all about them, one of the first questions I ask is, if there were no constraints including money, What would be you perfect day? The answers I get are sometimes very surprising. By the time they Finnish with me they are a different  person.one of the things I often say is YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN JUST BECAUSE YOU (lost you legs) YOU DID NOT STOP BEING THAT PERSON, YOU JUST THINK YOU DID, THAT PERSON IS STILL THERE YOUVE JUST LOST SIGHT OF THEM. and if I do say myself I'm good at it. I do it on a volunteer basis and keep my own diary so the hours are up to me and every success is the best feeling ever.

There is a poem that I give to every client I think it is so poignant so I hope you don't mind that I'm sending it to you.

Please just listen

When i ask you to listen to me

And you start giving me advice

You haven’t done what i asked

When i ask you to listen to me and you begin telling me

Why i should or shouldn’t feel that way

You are trampling on my feelings.

When i ask you to listen to me

And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem

You have failed me

Strange as that may seem.

Listen – all i ask is that you listen, not talk or do 0hear me

when you do something for me that i can and need to do for myself

No matter what your reason 

You contribute to my fears of inadequacy. 

So i ask you, if you truly care 

Just listen to me. 

Please hear me.  

And if you want to talk, just wait a minute for your turn, 

And i'll be happy to listen to you.

Anon.  

29

Sorry posted that befor I was quite ready, hope you didn't mind me sending that but just trying to be supportive. Congratulations on another 5mls off you have come such a long way from where you first started sometimes we have to look back so that we can see where we've been enabling us to reach for our future.

talk soon, Hugs, Julie x

30

Of course I don't mind at all Julie!! Don't be daft why would I mind!!

And I know you're being supportive, that's exactly why we're all on here right!??

And I did & still do have an OCD ex!!!! The only difference is that my youngest daughter has now realised that without me saying a single word!! (Even though my ex walked away with well over £90k) after the house was sold & I was left with her debts to pay off, then left with my very own debt etc!!. But that's a story for another day!!!

So glad for you Julie that youre doing so very well on your taper matey 👍👍

You know where I am xxx

Take care

Ritchie xx

31

Hey Ritchie,

just checking in to see how your doing? Did you have a think about counseling? I'm certain you would be stupendous, you seem to have that easy way with you, you know just the right thing to say because you've been there. How's your tapering going?  I have resisted the urge to drop another 10mg I'm waiting for the math, doc is really pleased that I've managed to drop 20mg instead of 10 but like you said slow! I've had a few nights where it's been a real battle not to take extra for the breakthrough pain but come the morning I'm glad I didn't, although that's not what I'm saying at the usual 3am lol I wonder if we took a survey just how many of us are awake at the dreaded time and why? Do you think that it's because the body is at its lowest ebb? 

Just changing the subject I'm off to Chester Zoo tomorrow with one of my girls and the grandchildren so let's hope it's a nice sunny day, as I've said before distraction is the best pain relief.

Take Care 

Julie xx

32

Hi Julie.

I'm doing good thanks, it's just frustration I feel when I have bad days with my back & I can't do the things I should be able to do. It's so very frustrating!!

I'm officially on 35mils per day now but dropped to 30mils this week & I seem to be okay.

I have thought about the counselling but that's all I have done, just think!

Although my partner keeps thanking & saying it's great to have me back, I'm still struggling to get motivated to do what I used to love doing. Polishing watches, I have loads of expensive watches just sitting there. Playing guitar, it hasn't been out of its case in well over 18months.

I just hope it returns soon, if at all!!

So pleased for you as i know how tempting it is when you're in pain but, I know you would've felt really proud of yourself waking up next morning having not taken any so well done, good for you!!

That's great you're going to the zoo today, I'm sure you'll love it, especially who you're going with & I bet she gets spoiled rotten 👍

I hope it stays fine for you, enjoy it & catch you soon.

Ritchie xx

33

Good evening Ritchie,

 I had a fabulous day at the zoo but it was very cold, the children loved it as always, we all have passes and go often, it's only 3 miles from where I live so it would be a shame not to make use of it.

Dropping to 30mls is amazing you are almost there and it's great if you're not getting side effects, I understand your frustration, god how I understand it, if you would like I could do a little coaching with you but we would need to private message I'm happy if you'd like but no pressure you give yourself enough of that. I can explain what it entails and how it works if you're interested, I'd like to give you some of the support that you give out by the bucket full. Anyway have a think and talk it over with your other half. Oh just so you know there is no cost I want to make that very clear, I'm sure you know but there are some wicked people who want to take advantage.

How long have you played guitar? and what sort of style do you play?

i used to play but can't have the weight of the guitar on my leg these days, just can't get comfy with it so don't anymore and the odd time I do try get sore fingers because I don't play regularly, just can't win, randomly I've thought I might like to take piano lessons not that I've done anything about it. I'm waffling again.

talk soon

Julie x

34

Hey Ritchie,

are you ok? Did I offend you talking about the coaching? I hope not, if I did I'm sooooo sorry. I'm having a really bad time at the moment just not coping with the pain well at all, I've had to take extras as it's been so bad and I'm so disappointed with myself that I've given in, but as said the pain is right up at the top I'm wondering if it's the cold, I never do very well in the cold and also my middle daughter has been diagnosed with cervical cancer she's only just 31 so my heads not in a good place.

i hope you're ok and that I haven't offended you.

take care

juliexx

35

Hi Julie.

Of course you haven't offended me at all. I promise!!

I've been meaning to reply to you but I've had one thing after another going wrong, boiler packing up due to weather, kitchen flooding amongst other things etc.

Im so sorry to hear about your daughter, thats terrible!! My motherinlaw after burying her husband found she had breast cancer, she got the all clear then 2 months later it returned in her bones. Shes just starting chemo again & is so positive & just carries on as if shes perfectly fine! Shes an amazing lady!! Its amazing what treatment is available today & im sure she will get the very best treatment available.

Please don't beat yourself about taking extra, you obviously needed it, just put it down to a minor setback, once your pain is easier, just try & go again. You've done it once & you can do it again!!

My backs been bad recently, I do think cold weather doesn't help!

Please be assured you didn't offend me!! I was just replying to your last post when my phone rang & that was it, as i said I kept meaning to reply!

Take care & speak soon.

Ritchie xx