I've felt things getting worse for the past few weeks and I've tried to control it, but I just can't. What makes it worse is that I think I know what has triggered it - I'm supposed to be going on holiday with my 17 year old brothers, my mum, and my step dad on Thursday to Belgium. I've tried looking at all the positives and how most of my 'what ifs' probably won't happen, but now I'm in this constant anxiety/nausea/nervous tummy/shaking/on edge/dizzy/trying to to breakdown in tescos because its ovewhelming with all the people and i have no idea what i want to eat or even if i want to eat/easily becoming upset over ridiculously small things state.
I've been refered to see the psychiatric team at my local mental health hospital as my doctor doesn't know what to do and cbt isn't helping. I keep feeling scared when I'm alone because of the negative self harming thoughts, but then I'm equally as anxious being around people.
I feel that I can't go on holiday, just because of the state I'm in, but then I can't not go because of letting my family down and the fact its been paid for etc.
Sorry for the essay. If anyone has any words of wisdom it would be much appreciated
Hi Amy. I know that it's so difficult to get out of an anxiety spiral once it's got hold of you and you'll be putting pressure on yourself about the holiday. Is there anyone you could stay with while your family are on holiday if you really didn't want to go? I'm sure, as you say, that you would feel fine once you actually got there, but sometimes just knowing that there's another option means that you relax enough to make the decision to go.
It's great that you've been refered to see the psychiatric team as hopefully they can help you get to the root of the problem.
If you don't feel you can go on holiday, don't go. Don't live life for other people. You aren't letting the family down, you just feel more comfortable without the stress.
Be careful though, don't withdraw totally into yourself, one of life's lessons may be that you are supposed to go to Belgium and be impressed with how everything went. You do have the choice. Just because it's paid for doesn't mean it's set in concrete!
Trouble is when you mentally rehearse all these disaster scenarios you have the same physical/chemical reaction as if they're really happening. Loads of adrenalyne and all that sort of thing. It wears you out and makes you feel worse.
I do those rehearsals an can feel my stomach muscles ( such as they are!!!!) tensing up. It is at that stage that you must quite deliberately think of something else. Good luck with your journey through life