Hi everyone,
I am new here. Just started on Citalopram. Been through god knows how many others before this one!
This week I got sent to see a CPN. I was terrified. Feel i am cracking up. Got signed off work again today for another week and i am worrying i will get sacked.
Would really appreciate making some friends here - feel i need to find people who understand me.
Hope someone replies.
Emski x x :oops:
Hi Emski,
I to have just joined this site and was so pleased when someone replied to me as I didn't feel so alone.
I have been taking these tablets for just over three weeks now and think they are starting to make a difference. You may not think so at first and I have had a couple of bad days this week but my sister has been on them for a long time and she has made me carry on that and a very friendly doctor.I am taking them for anxiety which was a result of an illness and have never suffered before like this.
There are some good people on this site and I came accross it by chance as I now research everything I am given and it is good to know there are many others out there like us.
Don't despair I am sure life will get better for you and as everyone tells me be positive. My good days are far more now than the bad ones but don't give up. There are many people in this world alot worse off.
Keep smiling
Carrie x
Hi Emski & welcome!
You don't mention what other tablets you've been on or for how long but there's plenty of people on here that understand the misery of depression and anxiety and can relate to what you've been going through - don't feel you're alone because you're not.
This illness can strike anyone, whatever their background or circumstances. Just post whatever thoughts are going through your head -you'll find a sympathetic ear and you may well find it a release, a catharsis, to let things out here as many have done - I have.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
Best regards
Hi Emski & Carrie
Welcome, you will both find this site a great help I know I do. There are a lot of kind & understanding people who post here but best of all we all know & understand what each other are or has been going through.
I have been taking Citalopram since last October and at times it has been a rough ride but you will get better, I am now back at work full time ( I was off for 3 months), going out with friends again and even looking forward to a holiday in the summer so you see they do work just don't look / expect an overnight cure. Although my good days now out number my bad I still can have a bad day(s) but you will get through this, hang on in there.
Hi Stiltman,
How are things with you? Hope your on the up....
Take care everyone Nicky Jane x
Thanks for replying.
Before these tabs i was on fluoxetine for a year straight, before that mitazepine.
i have suffered from depression for so long its hard sometimes to remember what life before it was like.
I am trying to pick myself up, but its hard. I hate sitting at home feeling useless. I try thinking of something to do, or a new hobby to start, but i lose interest so quickly and dont have much energy.
I just want to be back to my old self, bubbly, the life and soul of the party.
Anyone had any good ideas of things to do to lift my mood a bit?
Even just for a few hours would be nice.
Hi emski and welcome,ive been on citalopram since march for anxiety and mega panic attacks,i became agraphobic.I havnt had an attack since i went on them and am able to go out again.I became so bad i just cried all the time.I still have bad days but more good.I couldnt even go to the corner shop i was to scared! :roll: this weekend im going to a festival with 60 thousand people...we go every year but i nearly cancelled as im really frightend..Im going to go and im going to beat this horrid thing thats taken over my life...im determind to do this for me and my kids...i will get better. :wink: im still a bit anxious but unless i face this fear i will never get better...hope your ok today.Keep posting theres some lovely people to talk to on here.kim.x
Feeling like sh*t today. Cant make myself admit i am not ill. Why cant i cope? Why cant i work and be normal?
[quote:65e97f7300=\"Emski\"]Feeling like sh*t today. Cant make myself admit i am not ill. Why cant i cope? Why cant i work and be normal?
What makes you think you're not normal? 1 in 4 people have mental health issues - that's a hell of a lot of people.
Why do you want to admit you are not ill?
You are ill, you will feel like s**t, you won't be able to cope or work. Please accept it and stop fighting against it. You may be able to move on once you've done that.
You say you've had depression for a while. Then you're covered by the Disablility Discrimination Act and your employers are playing an unwise game if they sack you.
Keep taking the meds, rest alot to give your brain time to recover.
I've been on ADs for over 12 months and on sick leave for 9 months. It takes time I'm afraid but eventually you'll start getting small periods of feeling good. Then whole days of feeling good. Unfortunately in between you still get bad times.
I feel 100% well now - until I come up against a problem and then trying to overcome it totally wears me out and I have to rest for a few days.
Hang on in there and please keep posting no matter how bad you feel. Someone will always reply to you.
Hugs
Well said Stiltman!. yes , statistically speaking 1 in 4 people are recorded with a mental illness, But lets remeber these are only statistics which are usually innacurate.
Emski, You are not alone on how you feel, believe me. I feel like I am banging my head of a brick wall. I dont feel like Iam being understood, and my home situation is not perfect - but whose is?
Ive been taking this med a long tiem now, terrified of what life will be like without it, as it has helped. but on the other hand I have abused myself so many times whilst taking this medicine, that Ive not really helped myself. Give it your best. I think no matter what, it does help, just a little, Its started to break some barriers down for me, so i can think clearly and be myself. that is not to say that I feel I am back to being myself. Far from it, but it is to say, I am still here and , thats good for my 2 lovely children. The med can help a little, but it only helps you to cope with daily life and not the .....whatever it is......that triggered it off.
Good luck to you emski......dont give up your will to feel like yourself again. I am still trying.
Emski,
u r so normal, i have suffered depression at times, really severe, and im normal, hold down a responsible job, am dad to my wonderful kids, yeah u do question sanity but believe me, the brain needs time, u cannot rush it, i wanted to feel \"normal\" hate saying that word for ages but it took me months, im lucky after 8months on tabs im feeling good, just issues in my life have taken a path that have made it easier for me to cope, u r so normal, i have questioned my snaity a million times, depression is powerful, dont under estimate it, as others more quailified people say, gibve it that magic word time, easy to blurt, but carry on with medication , blogging on here, it takes time, everyone is different......
as others say keep posting, wonderful website, god bless the net , what i couldnt believe when i 1st logged on was others experienced MY thoughts etc, such a relief and continuing to post will help u , i feel great and i still feel need to post, so wots that say? does me a world of good, take care ja
Been awake since 4am. Going to see my CPN this morning. kind of feel it is a waste of time. Got to sit there and make a plan of things i could do to make me happy. I know what would make me happy!!! I dont need to write it down. How can i say these things when i cant be bothered to do anything. I hate all this therapy stuff. Makes you feel so small, like being back at school again. Wish they would just put me in a hospital and lock me away some times. I just dont feel anything is going to work, which i know is really negative of me. But i cant help it. What can one person say to make me feel like getting through this? I wanted to go back to work next week but i know i will be told no. Its all just more pressure i cant deal with. The career i was making for myself will come to nothing. Just another failiure.
Hi Emski.
What can any one person say to make you feel like getting through this? Words can seem totally inadequate when you're in the grip of this illness, when life seems pointless, futile and without purpose.
I'll try anyway.
Firstly, you're not a failure. You're not well. Ask yourself this; would you consider yourself a failure if you couldn't work because of a broken leg? You wouldn't tell yourself to \"snap out of it\" or \"pull yourself together\"? Be kind to yourself and allow your mind and body some time to heal itsself. Do whatever your body tells you it needs. If you need to rest or sleep then do that and don't pick and criticise yourself for doing it.
It can be hard to admit to yourself you're unwell but it is an important step to acknowledge it and look for the help that's right for you. If you give your existing therapy a chance and it's not working or you're unhappy with the style of therapy, speak to your doctor and ask about alternatives. There are people who will help.
All of us on here can sympathise with your thoughts. For me, I never imagined I could know such feelings of emptiness and despair as I have over the last few months. But I have to hold on to the hope of a brighter tomorrow and reading how some people on here have beaten this gives me a sight of that.
Take care and best regards.
-JA good to hear you still so upbeat!! :D
Well, today i went back to the docs and got another 2 week sick note. They also upped my medication to 40mg tablets.
Putting on a brave face to the outside world, but inside my head is literally shaking with fear and worry.
I cant turn my brain off. Its constantly working overtime.
Now tonight i wont sleep well cause i have to phone work tomorrow and tell them the news. They wont be pleased.
:? HIya all, well I was going to put a post on here but reading through it seems that everyone else has all the replies sown up to help others, then again IM great at helping others BUT seem c**p at helping myself. Well, Ive been in this bout of DEpression for the past 2 yrs since my marriage fell aprt etc and I came out with a suitcase and a bin bag or 2. Ive tried all the bad things like trying to outdrink the pub, smoke but \"didnt inhale\" sessions as well etc etc, and well they werent the solution, but its soothing to know that there are others out there who have been or are in the same boat now. Although I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy (well maybe my ex so she could realise the suffering Ive gone thru, physically and mentally).Ive had all the stupid thoughts and tried the self harming bit, so am now dosed up on 60mg of Citaliprams and a few other meds for V/High BP. All you people sound really great on here trying to offer advice etc, wish I could take it in but one of the side effects of all these meds is a loss of memory so Ill prob forget I even posted this by teatime.
Well enough of me waffling, dont even know how I got round to typing this but well maybe its a way of passing on feelings.
Thanks anyway if you do read this..........its 1 paragraph in a long book of life
:lol: :lol: Lost In space< I like your name. Yes, you makeme think snap. But thank god I aint on 60mgs, was on 30 and trying to drop to 20 but I dont know. The doctor gave me a prescription for 20........but I thought i was to taper of gradually, and i didnt want to.....doesnt look like its doing anything for me apparently, well god almighty maybe if they had seen me 3years ago 4 years ago, screaming and crying, then myabe theyd have a better idea with what they are dealing with. I am beginning to think stuff it I dont really care about me so why the heck should anyone else. Dont really know how I am meant to be taking these meds.
Anyway, I am about to give my partner a black bag and a kick up the arse......coz hes a discredit to men and my family.
Lost in Space, mate, i split from my wife 8 months ago, i am divorced now, at 1st i felt devestated, just read my posts on here, admittidly i was lucky as i had my parents to house me and and some wonderful mates to help me thru , today, i have been off citalopram for 15 days, went cold turkey and i feel the best i have in years, total ease with myself, yeah i got screwed a bit, came off 2nd best in house split and custody but i stll have my kids, will sell house and get a flat and start again, 8 months ago getting thru 1 day seemed so so hard but now im looking forward to future, the ex has all but moved her new fella into house im still paying nearly 1.5k a month into, how nice does that feel? but hey, im glad she ended it , truthfully, i can b happy again, and i wasnt when i was married, not going over old posts and i dont know your whole situation, who do u live with now? have you got kids, i dont know how the split happened and i cant give answers but by posting your feelings on here u talk to people who can understand your feelings and to me that helped me enourmously, just being heard, i also drank alot , still like a pint or 6 but when i drink now i enjoy it, nit to blot out things, we are all here for you to talk to, i consider myself lucky in a way , just hold on to the fact that what u had with your ex u can have again and it may be even better, just think of that, how old r u ? im nearly 32 so i hopefully have many years ahead , just say what u feel on here, everything , it helps , take care, best of luck JA
Thanks very much Tiny Tears and the others who replied. IT does help having others who are in the same boat medically, mentally and physically to talk to. AS I always say only those who have been thru this know what others mean. Tiny, I had to ask my Doc to up my doses to 60mg of Cital because I was going to bed at nite, well early mornings really, and not able to sleep and having a head spinning round and round with WHAT IF thoughts. THey seem to have worked, because now I just cant think at all. They are also supposed to have a sedative effect so u should take them in the mornings my Doc says. Anyway thanks to u all.....
LiS
Big hello to all really, been reading posts as usual, everyone seems to be going through the mill a bit, but one good thing is that people keep posting, Katy, you make me laugh and u dont probably mean to, just be good to yourself, tell you what, must be nearly 4 weeks since i went cold turkey, dont feel no different , not an ounce, i feel ok now, i have taken my last AD, ok my personal circumstances had alot to do with my depression and who knows what future holds, never be too sure but i still get the odd deep dark mood, but i can ride them out now. To be honest im not jumping in cart wheels with joy and happiness but i can deal with life now and sort things like i used to, i have that clarity i lost, wouldnt say its a brilliant feeling but i feel far less emotional and composed, the emotional rollercoaster that is life will always have highs and lows, yeah i still look back and think of the good times , but i can smile now and not cry, i detest the saying one day at a time or week etc but hey looking too far ahead can f*ck with the brain, it does mine, all i can say is that having depression and dealing with it has changed me forever, and i can take a positive because if i can live and deal with this i can survive any emotional sh*t in the future, i have experiences to draw upon and learn from, god im talking guff now, but hey Katy, Melbi, Stilman, Breezeman, Emski, pls keep reading and posting, i think i will for a long time to come, once u experienced this sh*t, takes a long time to forget it , love to all
JA
IOh, morning all..........I am now taking mirtazipin e(or something) and I cant stop eating, munch munch and :lol: 8) slept last night, but still look a bit sh*t from crying, sorry munch , munch.
Ja , its good to hear that you are of sound mind again.....well, youve given me hope :oops: :P :shock: Dont think I was suppose to eat that, my partner is going to ........Oh I dont care what he thinks anymore. Hes hurt me and my gals too much....Why is there no diagram of fingers in the air???? Anyway, I am still a bit tearful, but much better than yesterday.
Must dash, run off some calories....I cant believe how much ive eaten between last night and this morning, surprised ive not been sick. Watched \"Juno\" last night, fab film....not got to the end yet...(yup, it was that good, actually, think this tablet made me sleep), Night, night, :oops: :oops: I meant bye bye :lol: :oops: huh, for now!
:roll: So fed up! Feel guilty for eating sooooooooooo much now, and every time he opens his mouth and all those show off things come out of his voice,I want to throw up. Why did I have to meet this man? Hes hurt me, and yes I am hurting him by slandering on here though he does not know, but god its my only release at the moment. How can my family even speak to him? It hurts me that they do. i feeel betrayd, I am at the end of my tether my hair is falling out with the stress and my face is like a pickled prunes from all the crying I have done recently. i really have had enough. Right now I cant handle my children , (which is not like me) I just need peace and quiet....oh yes....and out of here...i dont even know if I am going to manage to make it till next Thursday, its so hard. I do feel like scrapping my face along a gritty brick wall, I feeel like self harming but cant, I reaaly am no good. I need a brain transplant. How could I have been sooo stupid?/ Whats gone wrong? When did it happen?
The thought of him even seeing my body in a swimsuuit , is killing me. i dont want him to see any of me,.then slag it off, Mr perfect, is not. I dont think I can do this. Its torture. Its like the washing machine is beeping...must go switch it off it painful....why cant anyone else swith the damn thing of? Why do I always have to do the doing? If my sister phones tonight , I am going to bin the phone. I feel so angry....would someone turn that bllodddy machine off? Oh Ill do it then
Thats another thing I cant handle. His rants about his work , and his dad playing I am a gentle and perfect grandad, (No your not. You are my biggest pain in the neck that I have ever met). I am a human being, ninot a punch bag, not a slave, not a dishwasher, not a male person vibrator, not a string puppet. I am me, a person thats made a massive mistake with her life, I am a person with feelings, not a rubber ball, not a loose limb, my head is on my shoulders and boy I am feeling soo angry, sooooo angry, Surely, if you knew my history , you would tread carefuly with me, he shoulfd have helped me 10 years ago, Why did I not question it then, oh yeah,m that will because I thought you/he was a nice bllomke, and we wnet on dates together. Right enough I did have to pay for my OWN meals. i did not give it a second thought We are living in the 21st century, thats what I thought then, so now Ive to think no no, we are NOT Nope we are now living in the 18th century, and I am sure when he breaks the washing machine again , he will import a mangle from some sort of musesum just to make my life a little easier. yup, what else does he have up his sl;eeve , I am scared tothitnk wht his argument is going to be, I am so shocked by him ave the timne. Did he really think I was going to drag my 2 lovely children along Leith at 4am in the morning to catch the airport bus , so he could save some money? Well yes he did. How mean can you get? Christ hes got a free house at the moment, and now a free holiday, and a free hand to accessing my children. What mot=re does he want from me. hes burgalled my body allreaddy, hes taken every littl bit of repect and pride that I had managed to build up from my last horrible episode and thrown alll my courage and dignity in the bucket , Hes hurt me, and now my hand hurts from all these typos. I feel SICK!@Toilet .com