New life!

General health and lifestyle
1

hi I am very new to all this and I hope by admitting I have a problem is a good start! I've always loved a drink labelled the party girl of the group since a young age! When I wasabout 30 I lived alone (with my young son) for the first time and I discovered wine. That really spiralled and I have to say I still don't drink as much now as I did then! That was at least a bottle a day. Now I almost never drink Monday to thursday and I know some would say that's a good start and I'm quite proud. However I am 45 this year and for at least the past year I cannot remember getting home after a night out. I just don't know when to stop, I've worked out I'm consuming 4-6 bottles of a weekend and my Mondays to Thursday are either being down after drinking or waiting til Friday when I can have a drink! I've tried counting drinks and going for the smaller glass option but they both fall to the way side after the first few, I am not sure if I'm ready to give up but after getting married to a lovely man last October (half of the wedding eve I sadly can't remember) I know I need to change. My problems are my mum is an alcoholic and we don't speak my dad is suffering from dimentia and my sister point black hates drinking ! Who do I speak to??? Oh dear, crying as I type, I'm hoping to get some support on here from you lovely people, my husband is wonderful but he is happy with the one glass of wine and just doesn't get it. I am therefore crying for some help ? I have decided to start with a drinking diary, anyone tried this? 

Much love Rachel xx 

2

I have tried drinking diaries and moderation and wasn't successful with it personally. I tended to forget adding things when I was p*ssed. I am probably averaging 3-4 Stella pints on a good day and 9-10 on a big night out. Often black out and can't remember getting home. Keep falling over and losing stuff. Not good. Very unsafe. I know I have a problem huge problem but I keep telling myself I'm not an alcoholic and will manage to moderate it one day! Illusion and denial me thinks. You don't nexessarily have to drink in the morning or every day to be alcoholic. It's when it is that you "need" a drink and not "want" one. If that makes sense. I find it very hard to manage my feelings and life sober so I drink. If I have diversions like going to work that helps but otherwise outside of the work life in drinking.

3

too many problems and too much wine. Tricky but at least your husband supports you. It is probably too much wine over the week on a whole and it seems tot me that it is best if you try to cut down. Tell your new husband that you are really concerned and need some help from him and support when you drink less and get cravings. Let us know how you get on.   smile

4

Hi Rachael, I too can do without drink for a few days at a time but my problem is I can't stop with just one and like you in my youth was seen to be the party girl drinking most people under the table, even my family refer to me as "just one more". If I have a glad of wine I knock it back so quickly and want another and another until 2 bottles will be downed in no time at all. I have recently realised how much I am now drinking when I start, so plucked up the courage to see my Gp for help. I don't feel I should advise you but there are others on this site that are qualified to do so but I will support you if I can. X

5

Thank you Linda, we seem to be very similar, I'm not really looking for help, I have realised I must either get proper medical help or help myself! I've spoken a lot to my husband who is very supportive but for me I've never spoke to anyone else who is going through the same and as they say a problem shared is a problem halved ?? That's my theory anyway! Thanks for the support ❤️

6

Thanks robin, in all honesty admitting a problem is a big step and to come on here and open up is a massive step for me, I'm very lucky I have a supportive husband as it's not always been the way and I want to do it for us as well as me, today is a good day even if an emotional one. Thanks for your support ❤️

7

Rachel. First of all, alcohol dependence is a medical condition which you appear to have inherited from your mother. Your sister is likely to have inherited it too but it doesn't affect her as she chooses not to drink, so hasn't got into difficulty with alcohol.

Drinking diaries are suggested a lot by alcohol counsellors. The problem is that people with a problem tend to do well for a few days but then the drinking creeps back up and that is when they are too embarrassed to tell the truth in a drinking diary that their counsellor is going to see.

After years of traditional treatment for alcohol dependence, in which people are told to simply abstain and fight against the cravings, more recent research shows that abstaining actually increases cravings and people who attempt to abstain struggle for the rest of their life. Yes, some people can do it and their life will be better than if they are constantly drunk, but it is extremely difficult.

Some people have no choice, they have to stop drinking because their body is at serious risk of severe organ damage, particularly their liver. However, there is a more modern treatment available called The Sinclair Method which uses Nalmefene (Selincro) - which has been discussed widely on this forum but NOT with The Sinclair Method in mind. I have deliberately avoided talking about The Sinclair Method, here, while I have studied the research and checked out the facts but, having done so, I am now convinced that it is the way forward.

I visit this site daily and I see people talking about their guilt, how they have behaved badly, how their family have suffered as a result of what they have done. I want to say now to everybody who reads this 'it is NOT your fault that you have this problem. Yes, it is your responsibility to find a solution, but the fact that you got into trouble with alcohol was not your fault. It is a medical condition. While the majority of people can drink and sometimes drink heavily and not get into serious trouble with alcohol, you can't. You have a physiological difference to those people and, due to that, you gain more reward from drinking.'

Search for information on The Sinclair Method, including the documentary 'One Little Pill' which you can rent or buy on Vimeo. There is also a book about The Sinclair Method by Roy Eskapa called 'The Cure for Alcoholism' which is a really good book and makes a lot of sense. My only problem with it is the title, because I don't believe that a condition is 'cured' if you need to keep taking a pill, but the rest is very very interesting and challenges the whole concept of the rather ineffective treatment that has been offered for many years.

8

What a lovely reply, you brought me to tears, for years I have suffered with severe guilt and I know that it's affected family and admittance is the hardest thing, I agree with a lot of what you have to say and I will definitely look into your suggestion, thank you for your time, I am a good person but I know I can be a better one 😃

9

You sounded so hopeful in your last post Rachel.  Paul is amazing, isn't he?  This site is so lucky to have him.  I am going to follow his advice too, and I hope it can help me with my nightly dependence on alcohol, as well as my inability to say no when I have had enough in social situations. 

Good luck my friend, you sound to be a lovely person and deserve the best.

Pat.

10

After years of feeling blamed and the extreme guilt associated with drinking too much, it is amazing how people are brought to tears when told that everybody was wrong and it is NOT their fault. I said the same to a client recently (I treat people with alcohol problems) and she burst into tears and said to her mother 'SEE!!!'

It's time that all of the misconceptions around alcohol addiction were challenged and we now have the research to be able to do it. The problem is that traditional treatments for alcohol addiction make companies billions of pounds a year and they will fight against any theory which threatens their business.

 

11

hi, I can really sympathise with the denial thing as does everyone else with a problem I think. I really want the moderation thing to work, and yes I have tried before and gone back to my old ways so who knows, i am lucky now to have a supportive husband and it hasnt always been that way, i drank much more frequently when I was on my own! good luck and all I can say as I have said before, talking is good, even just on here, it looks like there is always someone to talk to. wish me luck this weekend and good luck to you too x

12

Hi Rachel...I too have always been known as the life and soul at a party. I love a drink. The problem is over the years..I feel i have become dependant on wine. I see wine as a reward at the end of a busy day, if its a friday or saturday then wine is always on the menu. Ive noticed over the past 3...4 years that if something goes wrong or i feel stressed that i 'need' wine. I could give you so many examples of where I have had too much and regretted my actions the next day. Anyway...last year I went to see a hypnotherapist as not suprisingly i suffer with my weight. I am 5ft 6 and at my heaviest weigh 13stone. Guess what I love food also! I have decided I am just plain greedy and love all things unhealthy! Emotional eater? Well I eat and drink when happy...sad....balanced...any emotion, it doesnt matter! The hypno lady said my biggest issue was wine and said i needed to cut it out completely. I hated the thought but I did it! I began drinking sparkling water out of a wine glass! It was hard but I did it. I didnt drink for around 3 months and I felt so much better for it. I then allowed myself to have ONE bottle of wine of a weekend. It was fab. I then suffered a huge amount of stress and slipped back, not badly but I still slipped back. One thing that helped me was around christmas time i would never drink during the week in Nov...Dec as the police in our area are always randomly pulling drivers over on the school run/work commute. However its now Feb and still stressed etc i am drinking again on the odd week night. I am sat here craving wine. To avoid drinking in the week I know it sounds bad but i will say to one of my children...shes 11...dont let mummy buy any wine this week...its not good...it makes me stay up late and feel tired and want to eat junk the next day. Shes fab cos then when im having a weak moment in the shop she will say no mummy etc and i am guilted into not buying any! Or if im craving I try to distract myself, ie walk the dog, housework, phone someone. I find if im sat watching tv i want wine so i will try to do something else. 

So i guess what im trying to say is 'I' have got to a time again where ive slipped a little and i cannot be trusted to have wine in the house so it has to be all or nothing. So I am working up to going without completely again for a while....then in time maybe have a bottle a weekend again and hopefully learn from before and not fall completely at the first sign of stress. I know its all easier said than done but this is my little plan for the time being! Sorry my writing has jumped from one thing to another...hope you see what im saying!! We need to learn how to enjoy a normal amount of wine at normal times(not each day)...its like learning how to use a credit card properly!!! thats another story!! xxxx

13

Ahh thank you for your reply out of all the people who have replied I think you sound the most similar to me, I too have become over weight as when I drink I eat and don't worry I'm the same weight and I lost two stone for my wedding last year and it's already piled back on, so depressing 😁 anyway I'm hoping the reduction in alcohol will help me, fingers crossed. You should be proud of yourself, sounds like although you may have t slipped a little you are ultimately doing well, my son has commented on 'the state of you last night' and how awful does it make us feel? I'm on day four without a drink but hey it's Friday tomorrow, my first weekend at serious reduction!! Wish me luck. P.s I used to date a hypnotherapist and he said that they would never help you give up drink ?? Good luck, keep up the good work xxx

14

Dear Natasha

There are a lot of issued but it seems to be that you are on the right track and Rachel has said it all! Very good advice and try limit yourself an go sober and your will gain full respect from your children, partner and the people around you. You might even loose weight in the process!   smile

15

Hi

Yes, with regards doing a drink diary, it is worth it. It can help set targets, say for example next week try and drink less and feel better when you have 'zero' days with no drink.

My method was a small diary and i would list the type if drink each day and total units, i would then do a total per week at the end and circle this so that i could see at a glance any trends and when i looked in the diary.   It helps with the 'zero' so that you can also count how many days you have gone without.

my pattern used to be at least 4 days without and then needing it, then 3 days binge so the totals averaged 80 - 90 units per week, when  i started to seriously need help was when it go tot 120 per week, how does this compare with everyone else? i did go for some weeks totally zero as well, of course i know the totals per week should be considerably less; but its not easy

16

You don't say how you are doing now ? I'm on my 2nd week, still doing my diary, coming on here when I'm feeling positive and also when I'm struggling , think that's helping me, I'm doing 4 days alcohol free, I also used to binge at weekends, am now trying 6-8 units 3 days a week, as I say it's only week 2 but it's a good start for me 😃

17

I must admit that i am out of the habit of doing the diary but replying to these posts i think i will start again as it really did help

also, when having help from counsellor i was able to refer to my diary and she could identify trends

saying this, i must admit that i have had 24 units today and feel fine typing; i also had 23 units between 11.30 p.m - 2 a.m last night - i know the pattern, shouldn;t call it hare of the dog but bascially it is a pattern.

As a meticulous person i would go as far as saying that i may even do graphs / spreadsheets to compare weekly units - like a weight chart

at the moment i m tenidng to buy 13% bottles of wine for £5 cause its easy to, i should start to set limits per day but see alochol as my medication for back / neck problems

anyway; i would say a diary is the way forward but you have to share it with someone to gain support, hope this helps

18

Ahh bless you, it's a hard life long struggle, when I think of it like that though it scares me so much so I am trying to take the advice of one day at a time, I'm also using a timer (on my mobile) and have set it to 45 mins in which time I am NOT allowed another drink, it's helping me at the moment anyway and only 6 units tonight and I'm ready for bed and really don't need anymore (believe me this def is not normally the case)

Good luck, keep in touch 👍

19

Hi rachel.its easy to say well just one more day... But it never works. It's always one more day. Ask your husband to lock the drink away. Don't slip out to buy just one bottle.. 

i managed to just drink lime and soda for three months. It didn't matter what I asked for that's what I got. But slipped back into a ottilengi a day .. Now trying very hard to stop.. Do you want to keep in touch and stop together ?

20

Sorry to but in...but I am curious to know what ottilengi is, never heard of it before.

Pat xxxx