New - looking for help & advice - drinking too much - anxious

General health and lifestyle
1

Hi all,

I am looking for some advice. First I'll give a background to my story. I started drinking heavily about 12 years ago. I was in my early 20s & it began at the beginning of a new relationship. I would drink before I met up with my boyfriend I suppose to give me confidence. He didn't know & I loved the chilled out feeling it gave me & I felt good. I continued to do this every weekend when we would meet up & it became a habit even when we moved in together I was secretly drinking. I had never done this with previous boyfriends & I think it was because this guy had a few problems of his own & they became worse when we lived together. He didn't like my friends & was dificult about a lot of things. He looked at life in a different way then me & many others as my family & friends weren't very fond of him. We stayed together for 6 & a half years & I drank secretly the whole time mainly at the weekend & it had become to numb reality of the horrible situation my relationship became. He had become more difficult, angry & sexually demanding. I felt trapped & drink was my escape. I ended eventually & I thought the drinking would then stop & I was free of it all.

As soon as I was in a new relationship which I was happy in I repeated the habit. When my boyfriend would come over I would drink beforehand I just liked the feeling it gave me & I wasn't as nervous meeting up. It was part of the excitement of meeting up I'd go get my vodka drink it while getting ready & he never knew just like my previous partner I was good at hiding it I guess. After a while this relationship went sour. My boyfriend had major jealousy issues which surfaced after 8 months together & a year in we broke up. After this I went out a lot & drank heavily leading to blackouts my friends were concerned & we put it down to the last relationships I had.

Then I met the love of my life! Yet I did the same thing the only difference is he discovered my secret. He suspected something was up from mr behaviour a while after we moved in together & I seemed intixicated he looked for the evidence & found bottles hidden in my wardrobe. He confronted me & I could see the pain & worry on his face. I told him I had done it in my previous relationship & I would sort myself out. I lied & said I went to the doctor & she told me I was using it to self medicate. We were trying for a baby so once pregnant drinking completely stopped. After I had my son the habit began again my husband discovered it one more time & I said I'd slipped up & convinced him it was a once off. I'm still doing it though. My son is nearly 4 now. It's mainly just on a Sayirday & Sunday night when my son has gone to bed & an odd time during the week. I drink with my husband on a Saturday a few drinks but I have a secret stash I'm sipping for too & once I start I just want to keep going. I know I have to stop this I'm just lost as to how to. I'm a good person people would be shocked to discover this about me. I'm friendly kinda quiet, nice person but I'm consumed with guilt about this especially towards my husband & son. I wait for Saturday to come all week to have my treat of alcohol. My friends are all into drinking a lot when we go out too so it's always there. Am I an alcoholic or drink dependant . Do I have to quit completely ? Please help !!

Thank you

Sadie Dee

2

Sadie Dee,

I know exactly how you feel.  I did the same things.  I am an alcoholic, now 7.5 months sober.  

I cannot say for certain that you are an alcoholic, only you can decide that for yourself, but you do have some of the key warning signs.

And think about this:  someone who is not an alcoholic usually doesn't ever wonder if they are an alcoholic.  It's not a problem.

Bless you and I hope you find the help and understanding you need!

Sabrina

3

Sadie Dee, you have a medical disorder called Alcohol Use Disorder. Your body reacts differently to alcohol than most other people's. It is NOT your fault and there IS treatmemt which works.

Have a look at the information on this page:

https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

Then Google 'The Sinclair Method' and have a good read. There are also some good videos. Search 'Claudia Christian TED talk' on You Tube and watch that. She is a successful actress who used The Sinclair Method to resolve her alcohol problem and she talks about that in her TED Talk. She now works hard spreading word about this method which has a published 78% success rate.

There are people here who can tell you more about The Sinclair Method too.

 

4

Hi lovey, my goodness you could be me.....

I so completely understand...I was the exact same as you. I drank for confidence but I spiralled into severe alcoholism for 15 yrs...I was sectioned four times, I had countless home detoxes, a specialist alcohol nurse, a mental health nurse, and a lovely caring psychiatrist....

Eventually after the fourth section I managed to stop totally, I was completely sober for a very, very long time....I gained weight again..,I was 5st 10 lbs....I felt healthy and more than anything I liked myself again, my family were so, so happy, life was wonderful....

We come to now, we go out twice a week with our two sons and meet friends...it is in the afternoon, so we don't drink a lot....but for about the last year I have been buying bottles of vodka and drinking secretly again.....MY husband found my bottle a couple of weeks ago, my family are all now really worried and watching me all of the time....I hate myself again, I weigh 5st 12lbs again, and I am having checks for lung cancer.....

I don't drink everyday, and never until the evening, but I am creeping back to being unable to stop when I have begun drinkin

Please Sadie, see your GP. Ask for help. Try not to constantly hide it, explain that you have a problem, and you are going to get help for it......

The worst part is...,that it is so isolating and guilt ridden, it is always at the back of your mind.....,try NOT TO FEEL GUILTY....YOU ARE NOT BAD OR MAD....you have a problem like many others.....you can and will get through this...try not to think that you can never drink again.....I always thought. If I want to I CAN HAVE A DRINK.....that took the pressure of my mind....

Sophie, don't feel ashamed or sad, you are the same good person that you always were. And if anything, you are stronger because you are asking for help.....in my thoughts lovey, keep that chin up.....warm, sincere hugs for you...always...

PS..PAUL TURNER IS AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF HELP....HE IS A QUALIFIED ALCOHOL WORKER.....XXXXX.

5

Hi Deirdre 

what a great reply. It could be me too when I was first married. I was never sectioned or suffered from DT's or had seizures.

35 years ago AUD had never been heard of. You were just an alkie, the only help available was ativan and AA. It was a real taboo subject.

I am so sorry you are suffering again and having health problems. I can understand you secretly hiding bottles. I'm sure you didn't want the family knowing due to guilt about hurting them again.

will pm you

 

6

Hi Sadie 

firstly dont think you're the only person whose done/doing this, you're certainly not.

please have a go at looking into paul turners suggestions. He's a specialist in AUD and gives excellent advice. 

deidre and I have experienced exactly the same as you and it's great that you have recognised and asked for help sooner, rather than later.

make an appointment with your GP ASAP. Tell the dr what you've said here. I found it easier to write everything down, just like you've done here and show it to your dr.

dont feel guilty or ashamed, you're suffering from AUD. Your son is only 4 and whilst I know how hard it will be, you can turn your life around and enjoy watching your son growing up. Please don't make the mistake I made and bury your head in the sand. I wasted so much time, time that I'll never get back.

ive three grownup kids and two grandsons. My kids can still remember walking home from school wondering what state I would be in. No child should have to do that.

youve done the hard bit, admitting you've got a problem. That in itself is a huge thing. Your husband sounds caring, as is mine. Maybe you could talk it through with him, watch the video together.

I certainly lied to my husband about saying I'd been to the Drs and told the dr everything. I asked my husband to come in with me the next time I saw my dr to make sure I admitted my problem Believe you me, this secrecreconly compounds the problem, it will make you feel worse, more guilty in the end. Please get it out in the open before it gets harder. Your Saturday drinking and one night in the week won't stay like that. It will keep creeping up on you and if you're not careful will turn into daily drinking at night. Then one or two at lunchtime, till you reach the point where you need a drink first thing in order to function. The longer you leave it, the harder it will get.

7

Hi Deidre!

Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry you are suffering again. I hope you can get back on track. You sound like a lovely person & I really appreciate your support. It is great help reading these messages of support.

Last night I told husband nearly everything. I had a few drinks before yo pluck up the courage but finally let it out. He was very understanding & told me he supported me & wanted me to get better & that it was the first step admitting it. I still can't believe I've let it out. I still don't think he realises the extent of it but he knows I have a definite problem. I am not physically dependant it's definitely psychological. I told him about the Sinclar method but I don't know if it's available in Ireland.

The next step is to go to my gp & try get some councelling. I'm scared of telling my friends as I told my husband I might need to stay away from social situations involving drink for a while. I am a dancer & perform a lot & every gig is a social event & the people I perform with treat it like this too & we party when we have a gig so this area of my life will change too & I don't know how to approach it but I have to put my family first.

Thank you again so so much & please keep in touch as I hope I can support you too .

Xxx

8

Hi Vickylou,

Thank you for your reply. It's good to know other people understand especially hearing from women & mothers. I physically don't crave drink it's more the feeling of being chilled & relaxed that I'm addicted to. I need to go to my GP & get some councelling to understand why I am doing this. I told my husband last night I feel better for doing that but still scared at the reality of putting it all

Into action. In my Reply to Deidre above I've told her I'm surrounded by a drinking culture with my friends & dance buddies. This will be hard to change & explain I think they will be shocked. I don't know yet if I need to quit or can I cut back.

Thank you for your honesty xxx

9

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for this information. I haven't watched the video yet but from reading about this method it makes sense to me. I am going to make an appointment with my GP & ask about this method but I don't know if it is available in Ireland. Do you know?

I told my husband last night what's been going on with me so I have taken the fist step .

10

Thank you Sabrina!

Really appreciate your reply.

Xxx

11

Hi, understand this, and well done for telling the hubs - it takes guts.   I did and he did not believe I had a problem;  it is not pleasant at all, I am in UK, my Doctor really was not happy about other options I mentioned on this forum, she had never heard of the meds you can take to control it and warned me against them.  But I actually think that is because she was never trained in this in medical school; when I told her about my drinking, she referred me to Alcohol Recovery and that is where they do prescribe meds, but apparently only after they prefer to counsel you.  I did not go, I tapered down gradually and still drink but nothing like what I did.  You have got to follow your gut feeling and the guys on here know what they are talking about, much more so that the doctors.

12

Bloody hell mate - some story - yep me too has hidden the old bottles in my wardrobe (in a winter boot), how sad are we.  Life is a bitch with alcohol, why does it relentlessly keep creeping in - just do one.

13

Hi Sadie,

There are two medications that can be used for the method that Paul mentions and Claudia talks about in the TED talk video.  The first is naltrexone, which is generally prescribed using instructions from the mid 1990's which are different to what is needed for the Sinclair Method.  This is the medication that Claudia speaks of in America, but to get it prescribed in Ireland for this method, you would have to have it prescribed 'off-licence'.  Not many doctors will do this, especially because.....

the approved medication in Ireland for this method is called Nalmefene, so because this one is approved, this is likely to be the one that a physician would look to prescribe in the first instance.  It is not officially know as The Sinclair Method by doctors though, so ask to be assessed to see if nalmefene can help you reduce your drinking levels.

If you google NCPE Ireland + nalmefene the very first response that google returns should be from the NCPE, who are the people who assess evidence for cost effectiveness etc for medicines that can be used in Ireland.

You will see at the bottom of that page it states 'The NCPE consider this to be a cost effective product for the defined patient population in combination with psychosocial intervention.'

Print out that page from the NCPE confirming that nalmefene has been approved by them for use in Ireland and take it to your doctor's appointment.  If your doctor cannot provide the intervention as well as the tablets, then he/she may want to refer you to alcohol recovery specialists in your area who can provide both.

Hope that helps!

14

Hi Joanna,

Thank you! I have an appointmeb this Monday & I will bring that imformation with me. I am going to try to not drink at al this weekend before my appointment it will be the first in many years but I need a clear head. I'm feeling nervous & anxious to be honest.

I hope I can obtain this medication I have never heard of this before but it seems like a good option for me.

I appreciate your help Joanna I will let you know what happens xx

15

sadie..I haven't read the replies..but it sounds like you have crossed the line over to alcoholism.

When someone is an alcoholic..they just can't put the drink down after the first "sip".

And...therefore, yes, I do think that you have to stop completely.  

I say that because it does seem that you are continuing this pattern even when someone that you truly care about is wanting you to stop...and you don't seem to be able to...and you are confused enough to find a forum like this.  Which to me means you are struggling with alcohol now.

And for people like you and me....that means it is in our best interest to NOT drink at all.

16

Sadie Dee. Joanna has answered what you asked me. Thanks Joanna smile

17

Yes, you are an alcoholic

Yes, you have to quit completely.

Yes, you have to quit forever.

Yes, you need to find friends who do not drink

Yes, your husband must stop drinking.

Alcoholism is not something you turn on, then turn off, then turn on, then turn off. Alcoholism is everyday, all of the time, forever.

Children of alcoholics have a much greater risk of becoming an alcoholic...and I know that you do not want you son to live with the challenge you live with.

Social anxiety can be managed in other ways.

Thank you have written from your heart tells me that you know it is time to get help.

On this forum, you will meet many wonderful people who will reach out to you.

First, take every bottle from every hiding place and dump the contents down the sink.

Then attend an Aa meeting. Do not be ashamed...each person present has been there and done that.

Become involved in a 12 step program.

The going will not be easy..but I promise each day the going will become easier.

Plan to attend AA everyday.

I admire your frankness. I admire that you have asked yourself the very hard questions.

kind regards

judith

18

Why must Laura's husband stop drinking?

 

19

You answer to Sadie Dee is very black and white, full of what she must do.

I don't understand how you know enough about her from one thread to diagnose her and tell her what she must do, not to mention telling her husband what she must do too.

Can you tell use a little more about yourself, Judith.  I notice you have been a member of Patient for 3 months and yet have notched up 688 posts and 1,000's of points in many groups.  That's tough to do.

I am just curious as to what type of qualification you may have that allows you to diagnose someone as an alcoholic over the internet?

20

Hi everyone,

Again thank you for your kind replies.

I have an appointment booked for my GP for this coming Monday. My husband has asked if I'm ok since telling him but we haven't spoken about it since but my head is whirling & I've felt nervous & now a bit confused.

I was set on telling my GP about the n. & using this method as it made sense to me but I'm also being advised to go cold turkey & quit. I know I can stop drinking I have done it before but I would still think about it & didn't like being around others drinking as I would feel jealous. I don't think AA is for me & I couldn't attend everyday I have a job & a child. I started thinking maybe I'll just quit drinking at home & only do it when suitable at social occasions. I'm the type of person who needs a plan at at the moment I feel lost. The weekend is approaching when I would drink but I'm going to try not to until my appointment.

If I using the Sinclair method helped me to achieve drinking normally this would be my ideal but wonder if my doc will prescribe them. I'm afraid I will be left to look after myself & not have a plan .

Sorry to sound so confused I think the drink monster is talking to me saying I can control my drinking myself just don't hide it anymore & you'll be fine.

Xxxx