Newly diagnosed.... It's hard to stomach

Sexual health
1

Hi guys,

Well, I'll start where we all start shall I. Today I was diagnosed with genital herpes. That's the first time I've said it out loud, to myself mind, but still!) I have just started on an antiviral treatment.

I honestly can't quite believe it. I'm a medical professional and deal with it frequently and yet never thought it would ever happen to me. But then who does.......

I know the basics of the condition, I could have had it, the guy I slept with could have had it and neither of us had a clue. Well now I do. A painful clue. We were intoxicated and careless on our one night stand.

So naturally I am going through the self hating self deprecating part of the process. I'm not blaming him. Joint decision and all that. Blaming myself is in my nature, as it is in most people's I imagine.

I shed a few tears when the doctor said it out loud. I very much disliked the look I was given, the sympathy/slut look. And now I am trying not to dwell on the feeling of a life sentence. Because that is ridiculous. I could have many worse ailments and I know it. But I'm in a very weird place, I feel like lots of things, a normal carefree sex life/relationship is over. I'm trying to keep calm about it, I know stress makes things worse.

I know I need to get on top of this and I will not be beaten by it at all. My mission is to win!

I eat healthily ish, exercise 6 times a week and sleep like a pro. My outbreak followed a sexual encounter after 12 night shifts in a row. So to say I was under the weather was an understatement. I know I can improve my diet, stress and sleep so that's just what I will do.

I would just like to hear people's experiences, how you coped with the initial shock, is the first outbreak really the worst?

I also wanted to know how you find dating or telling people. I think this is my biggest fear. I'm single, but I would like not to be and I do not want people to see me as a walking virus.

And perhaps finally any tips on soothing the first outbreak? I'm bathing with sterile water and swabs, which helps a bit.

Anyway sorry for the long winded post, just really wanted to get some thoughts out of my head. I've browsed on here before and noticed you are super supportive so look forward to your responses :-s

Red xx

2

I found out I had genital herpes two weeks ago after a VERY painful outbreak if you haven't had one yet let me explain: you're entire area will be red and very very sore. Don't even think about trying to pee it hurts. I used calmine lotion for the itching and warm baths 3 times a day.

3

Well Hunn

I was diagnosed last Monday with this virus and I was so mad that I was careful protected and being safe and it still happened to me. With this virus you HAVE To remain positive depression and anxiety make it dramatically worse. Your life isn't over and you are Deff going to get through it. So many ppl have GH and don't even know it. But your 1st outbreak is the worst. But try to remain positive and not depressed your OB will clear soon it's painful and the more Pop up but don't panic apply the cream it will sooth it a bit a cold towel down there

4

I'll share my experience with you although I started a discussion about mine.. I was 17 when I contracted it from my ex boyfriend. He and I stayed together for 4 Years after that but now I am single as well and have been for years.

The first outbreak is ALWAYS the worst. For me, I was swollen so much that I could barely sit without crying (and I was still in high school sitting for hours on end) it was horrible! Now that I'm 7 years into having this, the outbreaks aren't half as bad being that the only signs I get that I'm having an outbreak is swollen lymph nodes and it hurts to pee. That's really it now.

I know how you feel about the looks. When my doctor told me I got the same exact look from both the doctor and the nurse and when I get tested, although it's always the same result, I still get those looks.

For telling other people, I've had 3 experiences so far, and I'm about to go through it again. Telling the guy who passed it to me was easy. He was understanding. I told a few very close friends (1 male and 1 female) and they both took it very well as well basically saying that they'll be there for me when I need it. The third one was the worst. Made the other two seem like nothing. I told my most recent ex and he absolutely hated me for it. Told his family and they all shunned me from ANY sort of get together where they and I would have to mingle. I wasn't allowed around their kids, or really around them. They talked about me behind my back and even to my boyfriend. It was horrible.

And right now, I'm in the process of having to tell someone new. He and I have been friends for 2 years and have slept together on and off but I have yet to tell him because I am petrified of losing him. But now I'm going to because I've waited so long to tell him.

so my advice is to tell people before you have sex with them, I know it seems so simple but when you get caught up in the moment it's yard to stop and tell them. Especially if you feel guilty or ashamed of it. And also, to make sure that the person is trustworthy and accepting. With my recent ex, I thought he was the most accepting person ever but after that I knew he really wasn't and would never really accept me. I'd say just be weary of who you do decide to tell and make sure they're worth telling.

5

That's the only thing like I don't want a person to talk about me that scares me but a get to know ppl and if I feel like oh I may wanna have intercourse with them Ima say something. I hope I will find someone accepting idk I just feel like that's so hard to find

6

The first outbreak is the worst,

but it will get better. this will all get better. continue anti-virals and refrain from sex for a bit. sex kinda sucks after the first OB until things get "settled" down there. the anti-virals will help speed that process up.

when i first found out i was of course, sad, and hurt. but i look at it as a lesson learned and i moved forward from it. never will i let others use me for their sexual needs or listen to their sweet nothings. it's not worth it. i now easily eliminate jerks from my life by refusing to make the "getting to know you" process sexual. a lot of people only want to get to know you just to have sex, so by respecting myself more, the sex-fien losers leave quickly. i learned that if someone is genuine about getting to know you, they will respect you and want more than just sex.

i think the hardest thing about having this is the STIGMA... the stigma is so much worst than the actual infection. sheesh, i mean there are STI'd that truly harm your body... then there's hsv... a cold sore or maybe a slight discomfort down there once in the blue. it does not harm you and you live a normal life, it is not the end of the world. most of the time i forget about it until of course, someone says something stupid about herpes. 

dating... well, i haven't dated much since my diagnosis moreso for other reasons. i tried a herpes dating site before and met someone really nice. it didnt work out between us but i will consider it again in the future if need be. 

i have met someone recently, actually. and they are the first person i disclosed my diagnosis to. it felt really good to be honest. then they told me they had genital warts before... lol. but it was really hard to talk about it at first. i wrote it down and practiced, my heart was in my throat, but they were more curious and asked questions. i told them the truth. 

my advice? make sex worth it. be with someone who cares about you. get to know someone first and if you feel a connection, tell them the truth. use medication and protection if you plan on having sex, because it is very easily transmitted. but life goes on red, this will get better, and this will eventually not even bother you. 

hope this helps lol.