I am a 38-year-old male well-educated wand intercultural marriage. I and my wife we don't have any marriage issues but I am so useless. My wife is a number of years older than me and has had 3 miscarriages also she has Epilepsy. I feel so sorry and almost every day I cry inside the toilet. She always wants to have a baby and always watch clips on Youtube and talk to me. Since she is above 40 we have no hope that we can have a baby.
Around her, everyone has baby including people are older her. i don't have any jobs i hardly make 1000 dollars. i am still doing my studies but i believe i cant find any job. i do not know how i am going to take care her. so scare, i do not know coming days i am going to face things. i feel i am so hopeless why God would allow me to born and why i am still alive. But i feel scared to die. If die my wife will be alone i dot know how she will live. if she can get money through my death that would be great.
i believe life is only good for some people not everyone. people may see look others life and think about yourself. But people don't know and feel others pain and how they are going through..its hard and painful. everyday a day of pain and hopeless. I have no one to share i though i can share here.
Hello Pilli. I am so sorry that you are suffering so much. Does your wife know how you feel? Do you live in your country of origin? Have you thought about going to see a counselor for therapy? Please know that we care here. Diane
Do you have someone that you are open to share these feelings? Otherwise, I believe you should share this with your wife. I understand that you don't want to upset her more but you are married, shouldn't you two be dealing with everything together? I believe openness can do wonders.
You can do any job even odd jobs that helps you get by mowing people's lawn, or working cashier at supermarkets anythinggg. You have to try you will better about yourself
Hi Pilli. As has been mentioned before our ego can get in our way and keep us from getting a job that will bring in money. As long as it is honest it has dignity and your wife will have great respect for you. Do you think that you blame other people and the world for your problems instead of working on yourself maybe go to counseling and work on your issues? You did a strong thing by writing us and asking for help I admire that! Please let us know what you decide. Be strong for yourself and your wife. Diane
I think you need to grieve. Not only your wife experienced loss so have you. Talk with her let her know how much you are hurting. Grieve together then move forward together.
Hi pilli - you sound depressed - and it's bad if you are crying in the toilet on a daily basis. If you are not going to include your wife in what ails you (I thought that was one of the benefits of marriage) then you need to act responsibly and get counselling. You cannot serve her when you haven't served yourself. This is about your health.
Where are you living is there help groups you can reach?
Believe me I had the same thoughts. I know nothing will really change except for your inner will. The important I find to be the first step of neutrality. I mean, I still think I am useless and unworthy... but I took some time to be alone and made an effort to rearrange my thinking composition, a bit phylosophical but it helped me.
All the society start to be seen in my head as useless as well. So lets say neutral and later try positive! Like we are all here for greater purposes that none actually can understand (at the end only 11% of the brain works corresponding to 50% almost of the workable, if I am not mistaken). So what keeps other going is important in a functionality perspective (whatever targets or goals most people have) and it really is important. But we are all at the same level of understanding a big picture. We really are all the same.
Hope my perspective is of some use.
But no matter what, keep us posted. As Adldiane says, we care!
Have to say I do not agree at all. I do not like to sugar coat things but I do not agree.
If they were to get married So be it. Finances are a mean human kind find to make transactions easier. It is not the most important. Contribution and sense of purpose.
And no, I am not anarchist. I am actually conservative.
Important is how we relate with purpose and energy that makes us interger, with character, loyal, lovable, empathy. If those things nurture us at some point I believe people can make the best of themselves.
Of course we need to be responsible, at the moment we live where capitalism demands. So I would say one should find a motivation to held him working, thought do not make it as the last struggle. Try to be creative. Try new things. Join disruptive business groups, p. eg. See your marriage as an opportunity for better things. Join efforts with your wife and find a motivation to both start a joint project for instance. Search for plans and projects and new ideas. Try and fail and try until one fits you. there will be one, sooner or later.
Once again, I believe is not the financial compensation that matters but the sense of contribution for community (I don't appreciate society terminology at seems an institutionalized organization).
Hi again Pilli. After seeing where you are from Pilli it changes my answer to you. Where we live in the world whether we are safe or not has everything to do with how we feel. Also whether or not we can get work. You can't prosper if you can't find a good job. If I offended you, please forgive you. Write us here anytime. This forum is for everyone suffering with depression and anxiety and we all have had much pain in one way or another. Good luck. By the way there are some very smart and wise people here. Please don't give up on us! Diane