Wish there was a way! No one can understand what o go through, I deserve it and more but I don't want it! I cut again arm stings like hell, again I deserve it! I know what need to do what I should do but don't know that I can I don't have just myself to think about! Taken tablets and been drinking but it's not enough! Sitting in garden writing this because too scared to go inside right now don't want to live like this anymore it's so hard and no one can ever undestand! Promised psychologist today wouldn't harm myself tonight but as the minutes hours go by its getting harder to keep that promise don't want to live but for others can't die either stuck in this rut stuck in limbo don't know what to do anymore I just don't want to be scared anymore but there's no one that can help
that is not the answer is it you told me not to take all my tablets
if you need to talk you can talk to me i told you that i wanted to take all my tablets and you said no dont do it so im telling you not to do it now
Hi you. Just relax, remember to breathe, what did the psychologist say about it all, offer any helpful.outlooks about it? Please don't drink anymore tonight ok, water only, did psychologist say anything about coping techniques or therapy to deal with it, also about backing you up on being able to give you sleep meds so you sleep through the night? Please don't hurt yourself, you don 'tb deserve that. Cyber hugs. Nick.
Hey dondons
i remember you from a few months ago. When I wanted to end it all. For weeks I felt like sh*t. But a new med, a new pdoc, time.... Things got better. And they will for you too.
its really one day at a time. One hour at a time. Fir now: stop cutting, stop drinking. Just try to go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. And if you end up counting down the hours that's ok too..... The longer you can make it without self harming,the better. And if you have that blade in your hand : put it down. Come online. Share with us. And/ or call 911. Nobody wants you to hurt and we all want you to smile.
big hugs
b.
Thank you for your replies, I'm feeling a little better today, I'm sorry just night times are difficult for me, some worse than others.
Have to see the psychologist again tomorrow so will talk to her about what happened.
Thank you again xx
your welcome but dont do that please
Xx
Xxxx
Hi dondons,
I've been there for 16 years, I've been through a lot, so you may want to read this. I made it through everything and with patience im taking my life back. I'm slowly day by day feeling alive again.
Use this technique. As soon as you start hating yourself about the past. Remember you are now past that, and nothing can be done about what has happened. Notice that harming yourself will add more to the pain of the past. Because tomorrow will come, and you will remember about yesterday. You might have let some chances go, you might have done mistakes, but there is something about life. It isn't about what has happened, and how to undo it. Its about how you dream for it to be, and to work for it to be so. Let all that has happened behind your arms and finally release the burden you have been carrying for a long time i suspect.
Me my friend started having the first depression, when i was just 3. Back then I decided that I was alone and lost the sense of emotion. The emotions I would feel most, were pain and anger. Anger I chose to direct to myself to selfdestruct me, and pain to make others pitty me so that I could get their attention. I failed until some time ago when I almost went crazy. At that moment I said to myself. All of this can't be true, something becomes true when you believe it. So at that moment i stopped believing things would only go wrong for me, and started taking baby steps every day to improve my life. I used this technique, whenever I noticed my blood flowing with anger, I knew soon later would come pain. So i stoped every thought, and started counting from 10 to 1 backwards and I would totally focus on it. That time is enough for you to let your body detach from feelings from the past that used to make you angry, and will make you watch the reality with more clarity.
hi how are you doing
without wanting to be harsh, u can only help those that are prepared and do so help themselfs, you have many ppl replying to ur posts, dont ever do anything that you promise you wont, cos thats just not right, you obvoiusly need help and seek it, dont tell ppl ur gonna do it, instead calm down count to ten, and notify ppl, that you may do it, and the conversations will be way more pleasant, and calmer,
i have never self harmed, never understood it, didnt know how to feel about ppl that did, when i learnt Princess Diane used to self harm, i was troubled and realised its personal to her confused live she was amidst of, i feel for ppl self harming, for me however, i am extremely suicide, and wanna do something horrific, which wud end my life immediatly, but ive sworn not too, to my doctor whilst under her care, however, i used to binge drink for 17 yrs an the past 6 cant stand the sight of it, nor the smell, its really offputing for me, and i find the appeal to self harming is far greater to drinking again, myself like,
Hi, I'm sorry Paul I've not been on here for a few days, will pm in min xx
Hi, thank you for your reply, makes a lot of sense, will take your advice on board, thank you x
hello how are you doing
Thank you for your reply but I'm unsure where I insinuated that I didn't want to help myself?
I have done and am still doing a lot to try to help myself. When I wrote this post I was having a particularly bad night, I wasn't saying I was going to do it, only that I felt I wanted to, as I do most evenings.
hi hope your ok dont do anything its great talking to you please dont
ur welcome n no worries, i will be honest, i dont read posts or replys to absorb every detail etc, i glance thru to get a rough over view, how ever wen i reply's i always ensure my content is at least spelt correctly n may be of sum use, thats cool, if u can vent off thru here, whilst awaiting docs appointments or what ever, feel free to drop me a line, if u think it may help,
Hey dondons,
I feel worse at night too. It's 7 pm over here now and all I can think of is... well... not so good things.
And of course self chastizing for laying in bed wiht my puppy, eating ice cream. ugh.
and then reading that the more episodes one has, the more likely they'll come back again and again and again.... this effing sucks!!! 
do u hav ane talents Mermaid ? somethin that can swing ur mind away from things and concentrate on trying to build something, such as a painting a story, or even music if u play n e instruments, i been suicidle for few yrs, however hav few things on bucket list to do before i go, and now ( or at this moment ) i can be bothered to do them