No support.

Mental health
1

I have no support from my family anymore. All they do is make things worse, they don't understand how I feel. I've been diagnosed with Depressed, GAD, Panic Attacks, PTSD and OCD and might be Bipolar.

I've had to quit my job and I've lost a few friends and now I'm losing my family. The past month I've had really bad fatigue and agoraphobia, so I've basically been house bound apart from when I've had to go to see my councillor. My parents think that I'm not fighting hard enough, and don't realise how exhausting it is not just mentally but emotionally and physically. I was having a really good day today, for the first time in a long time I felt a little bit more human and then everything kicked off. I got so angry and upset with everyone I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Now I feel ill and can't stop crying. I feel like giving up, they think I'm doing all this on purpose, why would a person make themselves want too feel like this? They think it can all be turned off with a flick of a switch.. If only it was that easy. I don't know what to do. I feel like I want to die, I hate this feeling. 😭😭😭

2

Agh huni I'm so sorry for all you are going through.

I have very similar diagnosis (everything except the bipolar). I really feel for you.

I know how difficult friends and family can be when they don't fully understand what you're going through. I've had the whole "get a grip/ get it together" lecture a million times and it is SOOO unhelpful.

I can only surmise that people simply don't understand, because these people do love you they are just finding it hard to empathise with your situation.

I don't know how you solve that, as I haven't found a way myself, despite my best efforts.

All I can really say is you aren't alone, and the people on this site are wonderful and they will understand and support you in any way they can.

I know it's so cliched but try and keep strong. You've got so much to overcome, and I know you're doing your best.

Your best is always good enough. You just keep going huni.

Lots of love and best wishes,

Take care of you xxx

3

Thank you for your reply.

I don't think people realise how crippling it can be. I wish I could be normal and not react to things the way that I do. I feel like I'm at a bit of a dead end, and that I've brought all this on by myself.😞 Xx

4

Hi Arya,

I've no idea where to begin. There's no beginning with mental illness. I never felt there was. I never woke up one day and thought, hell I feel rough. It sort of just crept up ever so slowly. and by the time I was told I was ill I was in a complete mess. I couldn't answer the phone, walk out of the front door or do anything normal. Everything that others take for granted became impossible.

Here's the brutal truth Arya. Like me all those years ago you have three choices. You can chose to live with your condition and do nothing about it. You can chose not to live with your condition. Or you can chose to fight. The choice is yours. No one can make that choice for you. We can wish our choice upon you. But that's not going to help.

I could tell you that my choice to fight was the right decision for me. I can say that now. But there have been times when I have hit rock bottom and although I am now master of my beast it has come at huge personal expense.

If you want to take the same route that I took, and indeed many of the denizens of this great little room, then I will support you all the way. I'll tell you what has helped me, in the hope it's of some use to you. I'll tell you when you're having a bad day that tomorrow will be easier. I'll remind you that I have won. It took some doing and I still have the odd day when "things" seem heavy.

I hope you chose to fight. I hope you chose to confront your condition. I hope you gather your strength and decide to go to war with your beast.

Will it be easy? I hope not. Will it take long? I don't know. Will my friends and family ever come to understand how ill I am? Yes. Inform them. Don't get angry with them. Please don't. They just don't know. Educate them. Be patient with them and yourself.

You're not alone

Nuttymut :-)

5

I know.

Look there's some people, despite their best intentions, despite yours, they just aren't going to understand mental illness.

Coming to terms with that is really hard.

I think of it like, (forgive the weird analogy) some people believe in ghosts, some don't, some are on the fence and their mind can be changed.

I know that sounds a bit odd, but I've met many people who despite me showing them medical evidence, research or info, they still think mental health is just a non existent "get off your ass" type condition. I've learnt that these people don't really change their views.

Others, with the right information and teaching will learn that just because they haven't experienced mental health problems doesn't mean they don't exist.

And some kind souls on this forum know exactly what you're going through and will be here to support and comfort you.

I know you never chose this for yourself. Nobody ever wakes up and thinks ooh I know what will help and brighten my life, two broken legs! Do you know what I mean at all?

Sometimes the conditions that are the least easy to "see" physically are the ones people sympathise with the least.

It's not fair, it's rubbish, but it happens.

All you can do is try and make yourself understand this is not your fault, you didn't ask for this, and be a bit more kind to yourself. I hope those around you will come to a level of understanding soon.

In the meantime there's this forum.

Also are you getting much support from medical professionals? Is there anything else you think you could benefit from such as meds, psychology or psychiatry?

Just try and keep on keeping on.

Try not to beat yourself up for having an illness you didn't bring on or ask for.

All anyone can do is deal with the hand they've been given.

Good luck to you my darling xxx

6

This might sound strange but your family are too close to you. They have memories of you being o.k. and can't accept that at the moment you are mentally ill. That is their problem your problem is to get yourself better. It's not like a physical illness that can be seen and they can do something about. So maybe their feeling a bit frustrated with not being able to make you better.Mental illness is something that you have to deal with on your own because its in your head. It helps a great deal to know that others have been there so don't think you re on your own with being this way because you aren't. I think that you should contact your doctor and ask if they can send a pychiatric nurse around to see you.They should have a team to cover your area.Maybe a little distance from your family isn't a bad thing at the moment if they are going to upset you.

7

I am so very sorry.  Many people do not understand mental illness at all, and I expect it is very hard for your family to see you as you are now.  I am sure they do not mean to be unkind. 

You have the dsupport of everyone here if that helps, as we have all been where you are now, trying hard to hold it all together. 

Have your parents spoken to your doctor, psychiatrist or counsellor so they can get a better understanding of what you are going through?  It would be a good idea to get them involved with your treatment. 

Sounds like they need education about mental illness.  I can understand your frustration, but keep fighting.  I know how difficult it is, believe me. 

Keep writing here if it helps.  I am thinking of you.

8

Yeah I know what you mean.

I'm seeing a specialist in a few days time, so hopefully that will a step in the right direction. I feel like I've lost the plot. sad

I'm not on meds at the moment because, I kept having reactions too them. So I'm staying off them for now.

Xx

9

Thank you for your reply.

I choose to fight. But I don't know where to begin or how to do it. Xx

10

Thanks for your reply.

Yep, me and my family are close. Its frustrating for them but its even more frustrating for me. I was only up for 5 minutes this morning and my father told me to get a grip because I can't keep still because I'm so anxious. I have everyone coming at me from all corners right now and its making me worse. sad xxx

11

Thank you for your reply.

No, but my councillor has suggested they come along to one of my Stress management course soon, so they also get a better understanding. But the way things arenow I ddon't think that's going too happen. Maybe I need to do this on my own now. Xxx

12

Thanks for all your advice and kind words, it really means a lot! 😊Xx

13

Hello Arya, I see you have support here, which is good.  I do hope your parents do go with you to see the counsellor, as I am sure it will give them a better understanding of how you feel.  You say the way things are now.  Does that mean things are getting worse between you and your parents. 

I would rather you did not do it on your own, but you cannot make them understsnd, and that must make you feel frustrated.  I am so sorry.  I wish I could help more.

You are not alone if you keep posting here. 

14

Thank you for your reply.

Things are good now between me and my parents. They're just scared and heartbroken over seeing me so ill.

I've woken up today with a different mind set, and I'm ready to leave the house for the first time in a month, I'm scared but I need to start fighting back. I'm sick of my mind going around in circles, could see I'm getting a bit annoyed now lol! Xxx

15

I am so pleased things are better with your parents now.  That is very good news.  So pleased you are getting out again.  You sound really strong and positive now. 

Yes keep fighting.  You are doing well. 

16

Thank you. I'm taking baby steps but its a start. Today I've been doing a bit of gardening, which has been very therapeutic. Tuesday will be a huge test mind as I'm going to London for a few days. Xx

17

Hi I understand exactly how you feel as my or none of my family understand or have ever understood or even made the effort too so I stopped talking about it many moons ago. 

When I broached it recently with my sisters,  the youngest one said 'What have you got be to depressed about?'  the middle one says nothing and looks embarrassed,  and the eldest one simply gabbles on about herself and thinks she is worse than anyone else! 

I do have a good couple of friends who I do chat to occasionally but in a very understated manner and not for very long.   The only real outlet I have is online here and another site I am on.   Otherwise I cope entirely on my own.  

You sound like you are starting to pick up a bit which is great.   Depression is an illness that means you find it very hard to get motivated so you have to do something first to find the motivation.  If you see what I mean.  Good luck with it and keep coming in here and we will help and support you all we can.  Bev xx 

 

18

Thanks for your reply. smile

I think many people find it hard because I was such a happy, outgoing, confident child, and going into adolescence also. I was always up mountains, falling out of trees and into sports - a tomboy, nothing scared me. My family have always supported me through thick and thin, but I was in such a state this week it really freaked them out, they wanted to help but didn't know how. Everything is okay now.

I think its just been a really crappy 2 years, sudden deaths in the family, stresses at my job etc.

What I have realised in the past few days feeling at my lowest, is that your the only person that can do it, no ones going to do it for you, your the only person that can get yourself through life. So everyday I'm going to keep forcing myself to get back on my feet no matter how awful I feel lol I refuse. Its a terrible thing I hate it, always here if you need a chat too.

Take care! Xxx

19

Thank you Arya I appreciate that.

I was like you - a happy tomboy child always up to something but things changed when I hit adolescence and I became depressed.   I had very bad eyesight and started wearing glasses full time at 11,  and I also got severe acne which didn't help.   The only things I remember from that time were being very unhappy and unable to cope,  and getting no support from my mother or the family.  

I think my feelings of low self esteem and self loathing come that from period in my life and I have never entirely got rid of them.   They surface occasionally and with great force which make me suicidal.   But hey ho it has got a lot better over the years.  

Bev xx