Hi my son suffers from social anxiety disorder and Depression he has not left the house in the last three years. He is now 22, the problem started when he was 15, he refused to go to school. Up to the age of 18 he was supported by having CBT and someone to visit to take him out. Once he reached 18 this changed and the level of support dropped. My son has gone from a happy chap looking forward to the future to a total recluse unable to leave the house. What can I do? Can you advise suggest any help?
I believe that if I do nothing he will not improve and will remain in his room.
I had the same thing but I'm 19 its all mental take him to a doctor that's unhealthy he needs to take antidepressants I was going through the same thing I couldn't leave my house without having an anxiety attack but I learned to control it with my mind remember the mind plays tricks on you
Hi Mike you should definetly take him to see a doctor and see if maybe trying medication might help him out. There are support groups that he can attend aswell where he can be open with how he is feeling. I know its hard as myself went through a patch where getting out of the bed was a mission and if I actually got up showered and watched tv was like a victory. Its all in his head and if you can get him to come to the shops with you or go for a walk in the park or even head to the gym, he can listen to music and doesnt have to interact with people but getting him out of his room and even for a short time out of his head will benefit. My dad did these things for me when i suffered from really bad depression, he was there for a shoulder to cry on, to talk to and invitied me out with his friends.
I hope this helps and just reassure him that its just not him that is feeling this way its just a lot of people dont talk about it. Does he any hobbies, interests, friends he can hang out with?
Mark Thank you for your reply, I am very willing to take him to see a doctor, but he is in a place where he does not think he can be helped. He recieved CBT and pills, these did not seem to work. At the moment he is a prisoner in the house, he will not go into the back garden.
I would do anything to help him, but at the moment he does not believe it will help and totally refuses to go out. Great point that he is not the only one feeling like this, I will try and use this to convince him there is help available.
Yeah Mike i know how he feels the worst i have been was when i was working as a teacher, i didnt want to get out of bed, cryed every day and didnt even want to eat and leave the house. My dad had to actually come collect me and bring me home and help me resign from my current post. He might find talking on here helps as at least it talking to someone. Is he getting up and doing things around the house to keep him active? Does he work from home or exercise? Did he tell you when he started to feel this way was there an event that happened?
Thanks Mark, he stays up all night most nights on the net, not sure doing what. Does not do anything really he bought lots of fitness stuff which we put in a spare room. This does not get used though. WE moved house and he started to not want to go after a few months. I am not sure if he would be happy knowing I was on this forum, I am just not sure what to do for the best. I have said to him I would like to help him, but would like his ok, as he is over 18 doctors expect him to ask for help.
You need to do whatever it takes to get your son help NOW!!! Take him to his family doctor and call anyone you can who you know will be his biggest supporters. He is far too young to have gotten that bad where he hasn't left the house in 3 yrs. poor guy is missing out on so much. I pray that things will get better. Ctb and certain meds can help but it's not for everyone. I don't mean to sound so forward but it's my advice to you to help him get his life back and start living. Anxiety sucks and it has taken away a lot from your son. It's time he get it back
good luck!!!
Also I lived like that too for a year. Let him know there is sooo much hope and it WILL get better. He needs good friends too. There is always hope. Never give up on yourself. One day your son will look back on this and see how far he's come but he has to do some of the work himself. He can't just assume it's not doing to work until he tries and sees for himself. He can DO IT!! No such thing as I CANT!!! Don't let stupid anxiety win!!!
Anytime I'll be praying for him!! God bless!
I think he is loving it!!! No need to work,clean,help just sit home eat and play things online!!! And mum running around!!! Paradise!!! Sorry for beeing so harsh,but i think he needs a bit a slap on his ass...im having panic attacks and having bad ones,cant sleep at night so get very tired and moody!!! And had myself locked in a house too,but my mum is too far and i cant afford to sit home all the time cause i have to pay for it..so i put myself together and started training do some breathing exersises,meditation...im still fighting it but its working..step by step..once again i do apologise if i sound harsh but he is a big man already!!!!
Have a look at self help CBT. There is a 60 page course here ; http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/selfhelp.htm ( I printed it off and didnt do the paying bit)
The first thing I would do is to tell him that you are there to do whatever he needs to do with him. You've come on here which is a brilliant sign that you are willing to do whatever he needs to do, for him to have a normal life.
I would then set some small goals with him.
The aim of these goals would be to expose him to a small amount of anxiety that he is comfortable with tackling, and then to repeat them. E.g if going to the shop creates a small amount of anxiety, try going to the shop with him to get something he wants like a lads mag, sweets ect. He will achieve something and get a reward aswel. It will start to build his self confidence. Then repeat, but stay at the shop until the anxiety decreases; if its a 3, wait there until its a 1. Keep doing excercises like this. Its all very well people recommending him having antidepressants but I think anxiety is a learnt response and (through my own personal recovery through CBT) it can be un-learned. His happiness will increase as he realises that things are acheivable. Dragging someone to the doctors, although well meaning isnt always the solution. If its hard to go in the garden, then taking him to the doctors as the first step will be overwhelming and scary for him. He can always have a telephone appointment. This WILL go away, it did for me and many other people. Im also 22 and suffered with anxiety when i was 19. Ive had a stint of it again because of an abusive partner but I assure you it does go away x
How judgemental of you. Your situation is a different situation, and how people deal with things is personal to them. Mental illness does not discriminate. So what if he is 22 or 65. If your mother didnt live so far away, Im sure youd want her there for you. what you SHOULD have said is that he needs to be motivated. You are obviously motivated by bills. If this lad is given responsibility he may positively respond to his situation and start doing more but negative people like you should think about the reality of your opinion. Do not apologise for something you are not sorry for.
Hi Sarah thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply. Some excellent well thought out points.
At the moment I find it hard to get his agreement to try, it is almost as though he is used to the situation and it has become the norm.
I hate not helping or feeling as though we are.
Once again thank you for ur constructive points I will continue to try.
Mike
Sometimes they don't leave their room because they find it easier to talk to people online and that is sometimes due to anxiety, I think I have anxiety and most times I find it easier to just sit in my room on my laptop than go out and face crowds of people I know nothing about and don't know how to talk to them... I'm absolutely sure I have social anxiety and it's debilitating in crowds 'cause it only makes you feel more alienated than you already do which as you'd expect could make matters worse... I think he could use a therapist, somebody he can go to and basically pour his heart out to, somebody to offload all of his troubles on and genuinely listen to his problems...
Anxiety does take up everything however there will be something that still makes him happy/smile. Somehow incorporate this into him trying something. You could also tell him about this forum? Im happy to talk to him.
You're very welcome!
Its easy to always say no to the home gym. Be good for him to actually get out and go to the gym and just be around people even if he doesnt talk to them will feel better for getting out I sure did. I know you cant push him to see the doctor but just let him know you will support him and will be there for him if he decides to go.
I thought I would add; I am reading a great book which is helping me Axiety and Depression by Adrian Wells that I got off Amazon awhile back. It really helps you understand the whys and hows, might help him x