Ive been in a fairly bad place for quite a while now but my sister passed away in January and im not really sure on how to keep going, ive been trying so hard and tried getting help with no luck but now im at a point of giving up. Ive done everything possible for me and i physically cant keep reaching out with not getting the help. Im not sure how to keep going its hard being the person left behind and i have alot of guilt cause she wanted to live and i didnt
Live for your sister! Take it one day at a time or even one minute at a time! Giving up is easy, living is hard. Write down one goal you want to accomplish and start with that. Even if the goal is to get out of bed, it’s a good start! Then go from there…
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Hi there, I’m so very sorry to read about your loss. It sounds like you’ve trying to put on such a brave face and live up to expectations… bu I wonder what it is that YOU want…?
Grief is such a complicated thing, and it evolves over time. Everyone copes differently, and coping is a very relative term.
What kind of things have you done for yourself already? Does any of it include getting support for bereavement…?
Take care,
Mrs UK
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I lost my 16 year old son tragically about a year ago. There is a lot of guilt, sadness, loneliness, black void type of stuff. I went through at least 4 therapists before I found mine now. Telling the story over and over again was torture. I found mine on psychology today website. So glad I kept searching. Plus I have a meds management company to supply my meds. A lot easier than a regular Dr. what you are feeling is depression, trauma, grief and possibly PTSD. I’m not a doctor, but my suggestion is you keep searching because you can’t do this alone.
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Hi
Thank you for your response and your right me putting on a brave face and living up to expectations isnt really what i want, im finding it very hard to want to keep living.
I have tried to get some berievement support but no where will currently take me cause of my risk and if they do agree then i need to be getting proper mental health support which i am under the mental health team but they only see me for my meds. When she died i begged for support from them but didnt get it and the otjer people i was seeing stopped seeing me because of my suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately theres not alot i can do support wise unless i stop feeling suicidal and not acting on it.
You just take it one day at a time. Keep breathing. Live for the small things in life. Maybe you want to wear your favorite outfit one more day? Listen to your favorite music one more time? Watch your favorite movie one more time? But never run out of 'one more time’s Sending my good thoughts and vibes to you, love!
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Firstly am sorry you have had to experience the loss of a family member, yes often it seems unfair when good people are taken or those whos lifes seem to hold great value especially when you place so little value on your own quality of life a reason to carry on. Unfortunately There is no knight in shinning armour, no magic wand. Anti depressant tablet seem to mask the root of the problem for many and Unfortunately what many need there is little of ie therapy, friendship a sense of worth etc.
I have a chronic illness and through out my life there have been periods that quite frankly it would have been weird if I wasn’t depressed especially with having to adjust to a new way of life. For me anti depressant tablets have never made any difference but thats not to say for short term use they might be beneficial until you chemical inbalance resets. For me I have had to withdraw from social media, stop comparing my life to others and realise my achievements even if its getting a shower is no less value than someone running 10k.
I try not to beat myself up if I have 2 steps forward and 5 steps back. I have learned to appreciate and enjoy small things like a movie something nice for tea, used uplifting fragrances to make my environment alter my mood. I have cut out people who don’t really listen and learned to approach those who help in any way they can.
You will find a way but it has to come from you. If you truely feel like death is the only option that I suggest having a walk around a cemetery and reading the headstone , looking at Youtube True crime videos etc and realising life is short. Before long it will not be a case of not wanting to be here anymore it will be theres so much to do and not enough time. Take care
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It makes absolute sense why you’ve been struggling with thoughts of suicide. You’re not crazy for feeling that way, but it is truly so sad that it’s been difficult for you to get the support you need when you’ve been doing your utmost to reach out to people for it.
It sounds like you’re stuck in this limbo state where you technically qualify for support but the right mechanisms haven’t been triggered.
Do you have a relative or someone you trust who could be an advocate for you, and help you sort out reach out to the right people?
Usually the first place to start by default is your GP (yes, again…), because the difference a good GP sending out a referral to the right organisation can make is astronomical.
One thing I personally did was literally walk into A&E and say that I didn’t feel able to keep myself safe (this was true, I was post-natal and if I recall, my exact words were, and they haunt me to this day: “I love my son. Why do I want to die?”). This triggered urgent response for all the right reasons, and a follow up from my GP.
I’m not saying it’s easy, but there is support out there.
The other side of it is… genuinely… good friends.
Being honest about your grief… it can be very difficult for people who haven’t experienced grief to be candid about, or empathise with. Sometimes our words: “I want it to end…” is a feeling, and not laced with intent. Is that you? Because those feelings are legitimate. And I have a feeling you have an incredible mind sitting behind that grief that is equal parts frustrated and lonely in all of this.
If it helps, I’ll listen. I will. I’ve been there to a certain degree.
Good company, good friends, can make an excellent difference.
Sorry for the ramble… the heat is getting to me. But you have my virtual hugs and my very real time. 
All the best,
Mrs UK