Not sure how to feel normal anymore even when feeling happy

Mental health
1

Hi everyone.

I'm posting here because I don't really know what else to do. I've had depression / anxiety for the past 8 years, and only started treating it in December of 2015.

Since then, I have come a long way. I was pescribed 10mg lexapro daily and it has helped a lot with the depression side of things. I still get into those dark holes where you just loose all hope and see the world as black and white, but I guess they aren't as often / severe as they have been over the past 8 years.

The first few months were great on lexapro for anxiety. It seemed I was free from living inside my head, I was barely actually having thoughts and was very concerntrated on what was infront of me, which was great.

That platued pretty quickly but and I'm basically back to normal in terms of the bs effects of anxiety.

I'm really confused a lot of the time, I'll be having a good time with my girlfriend, enjoying a nice walk in the park say for example. But I can't feel myself. I'll feel a sinking sensation / butterflies in my stomach and I don't know why. There is no reason for me to feel this way during times like this, but I can't switch it off.

I hate going to sleep at night and often prolong it. Why? I'm not completely sure, but I think it because when I was younger, I dreaded waking up for school the next day and having to feel my depressed anxious self. So now it's still at the back of my mind.. that's my guess anyway. I generally just don't like going to bed and will often be afraid to fall asleep.

I really don''t know what to do anymore, I just want to feel normal but I'm afraid I don't even know what that means anymore.

I meditate every now and then, usually when I'm feeling low. It helps at the time usually.. but I just cant shake off the fact that I get these physical anxiety symptoms. I do also tend to get stuck in my own head quite often too, analysing everything, and just generally screwing myself up further which ultimately leads to that crappy state of depression.

I would love to hear from anyone else facing similar issues.

Thanks for listening,

Daniel.

2

Hi Daniel

yes i can relate to all you say. Been fighting this illness for over two years, antidepressants dont seem to give me a lift and i can honestly say i dont feel happy whatever my partner and i do.   Trying to get out for walks to parks and even shopping is just a chore, nothing holds joy for me anymore.  Seen dr regularly but all attempts to fix anxietyand depression have failed. I tried mindfulness course but my mind just couldnt do it.   I try to meditate but brain wont functuon properly.

i wish someone could help with all these awful feelings, anyone having good experiences of medications would help.  

The longer this goes on the more i feel unsure for my future.

Normal is what i want to be, what i was, until this struck.

sorry cant be much help but empathy is with you.

3

I feel the same. I have a numb lower back all the way up to my head. It's awful. My thoughts are so dark and I feel stuck. Just want to feel normal but I get so depressed and anxious. Hate being alone and not able to concentrate on anything. I'm on week 5 of taking 50mg sertraline and it's awful. Definitely feel worse but trying to ride it out. Everything seems alien to me even the house I'm living in. I want to change my life before it's too late ((I'm 48) and sometimes wonder what I've done with my life. I I feel everyone's pain. Good luck everyone

4

Yeah it sucks hey. All I can say is try to get out of the house with your partner, otherwise it is just going to get worse. Isolation is the worst thing you can do. 

Lexapro did help me a lot, maybe ask your doctor to give it a shot.

Sometimes I can't meditate either because I literally can't conerntrate on my breath due to my thoughts going 100 miles an hour. Try it when you feel 'better than the other day'.

Easy said then done though, I know.

Goodluck to you.