Not well enough to work????

Treatment and medication
1

I am feeling okay, actually siad to my partner , (while explainging to my 5 year old , ...not to mix the wet food with the dried fodd, The cat does not like it). partner says: \"Thast no way to speak to a 5 yr old, and the cat eats it when your not about\", then he says.......\"I dont think your well enough to go back to work, nevermind a new job\".

Guys, friends out there, i am so glad i have found you people. This man would quite happily kick me down with stuff (dogs durt) on his shoes. I now have that shamed gutted feeling in my stomach and want to cry, but I am trying to get some breakfast down my throat, and hopefully i want chuck it up. :grrr:

I am going to have to put my headphones back on, I am not strong enough to take this at the moment, especially as my mum has phoned and sounds like she is in a lot of pain. Poor mum, why is it the nice people get sick, the good people seem to get all the bad luck? What is this...I mean...I think melbi is correct in her analysis...we only get depressesed/anxious cause we care....yes we care more than others, and on a comparative level with my childrens father, try 150% more than others. I hate this hurt. :cry: :cry: Ill try my brunch, then I am going to go back to bed. take care people.

2

Hi Katy

The work thing is a very difficult one. I want to go back to work as I feel well enough to do so. Okay, I still have some pretty crap moments but I cope with them.

My doctor on the otjer hand stated yesterday that I am not ready to go back to work. His reasons were quite simple really! I still need the use of sleeping pills to get to sleep - his concern is that if I go back too soon I may very well have a relapse :roll:

Thankfully my boss has been very understanding about this and told me not to get stressed over my doctors decision.

Yesterday was really bad for me because I want to go back to work even though I do worry in case I do go back and find I can't cope, yet my doctor is refusing to sign me as fit for work.

Later on, especially after having a chat with my boss, I realised what the doctor has actually done is taken away my concerns about coping when back at work, he has made the decision and I have to be grateful that he is concerned enough to have done this. As my boss says, I have to go with the doctors decision and not get stressed about it.

Perhaps you should have a word with your doctor with regards you going to work. Does he/she think this would do you more good or more harm?

Has your doctor not offered you any kind of therapy, anti depressants can't and won't cure you, me or anyone else, they are just there as a lifeline to help you cope with the symptoms but what you and all of us really need is some kind of therapy. Either counselling, CBT or other support.

Why try to run when you can't yet walk? If you feel work is the answer for you why not try some voluntary work first for a couple of weeks and see how you cope with that. I know it doesn't pay but at least it will give you the opportunity to see how you cope before committing yourself to paid employment.

Also, while doing voluntary work you are supplying yourself with more references - and doesn't that look good on a CV - has done voluntary work! :D

Melbi x

3

Apart from the facts that i cannot spell and the education sytem, legal system oh yes and political system is PANTS!!!!! I am going back to work, regardless of what any GP has to say to me , or any abusive man!!!!

When you have 2 children, as you well know, Melbi, (and yes ME = BAD MOOD), i HAVE to feed , clothe them , and get them shoes,,,, that fit! Money is another power, and actually if I hvae money and hes not GETTING IT then my best focus, is on children and work....children /work, hmm yes maybe cat...maybe my mum should come before the cat. Its not the doctors life...I simply cant cope with tuppence in my pocket,,,and itd probably do me good to get out the house. I cant get signed of work, i dont want to get signed off, i want to work and give my children a clean living for their future...I never want them to feel like I do.

I am worried about being surrounded by good looking know it all youngsters, but the woman that interviewed me seemed very open and understanding about issues that I had with my previous employers..She seemed very mature and looked like she might just be fun to work with. My partner/problem just needs to get out my life/this too makes me feel sick, but I am resigning myself to the fact their is no point trying and as I left him on the phone last night gabbing to my sister, I would not be surprised if he has been after her all this time, and my children were just an accident, not an act of love. :shock: I hate poeple who abuse. If you think about it these people use there physical strengths in the wrong way/the opposite ways from which evolution wanted these tools to be used. Abusive people never really get what they want, and are spoilt creatures by nature, bitter by the hurt that theyy could not have what they think they deserve. Well 2 fingers up , and I am happy to get on with what little means I have.

breezman......\"I will survive, i wiant turn around and die, I have all my life to give, I have all my life to live...\" (Do you recognise it?)

4

Hi Katy,

You are much stronger than the Katy of a few weeks ago. What has changed? You are more positive, that's what!

You may find this job is fantastic!!! And you may find it difficult. Either way, your first duty is to yourself, so what can you lose by trying?

Yes Katy, I recognise the lyrics. You know, being strong for your kids requires you first to be strong for yourself, and you are on the right path to do that. Hang on for the ride, Katy, it gets better. See the good around you, not the bad, \"I believe in angels, something good in ev'ry thing I see ...\"

xx

5

:shock: :oops: Melbi, sorry I did not mean to sound like I was attacking you...in any way, I am just in a bad mood.

Breezman, my new mantra.............\"I believe in angels...\" I have a big craving for cola cubes, I used to crave cola cubes and creamolAfoam when I was pregnant with both my children.. Breezman , you are right, I have this better feeling inside just talking to you people has helped, I feel a little more secure, more than anything....I NEED COLA CUBES....CREAMOLAFOAM. (yOU CANT GET CREAMOLAFOAM HEER NOW, HAS ANYONE GOT ANY?????).

These typos, its like I get anxious abot typng the word and think too far ahead, and all my typos come out messy and then I get grrrr! frustrated, and then think sod it, ill leave them, itll give people something to work out :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Love to you both, katy

6

Hi katy,ive always said bad things happen to good people.Im one of them people who does loads for others and care dont like to see anyone sad!

But now im the one feeling rubbish.You really have to look after yourself hun!Like melbi said dont run before you can walk.You maybe doing yourself more harm than good going back to work.You have to make sure your feeling better before you do.Its a challenge to go shopping for me,so the thought of going to work scares me.I will do it when im ready and no one telling me to do so.I know you say you need the money,but is there anyone that can help.I really feel for you but please look after you..kim.x

7

Kimoli, thank you , i dont know, I am going to have to fight in my head, i am goignto have too . people cant live like I have been over the last 2 months. My children dont deserve it, My head is going to explode and my tiny miniscule brain is going to pop out my nostrel and bounce along the road, and then a car is going to run over it. Then I am going to fall down and hopefully my heart will stop!!!!

Hey, half of me is looking forward to the new start, just dont know if I am capable....keep saying I can do this, I can, cola cubes and fizzy juice. I need cola cubes and fizzy juice, can you get this on prescription? I would have my own stash in the chemist :lol: Cola cubes, creamolafoam and fizzy juice oh yeah and maybe some melon and strwaberries hmm yeah stawberries, , I love strawberries frozen ..HMmmmmmm and mango, I know what ill do Ill go and make a fruit sald!!! :lol:

8

Hi Katy

Sometimes words can seem so inadequate when you sense someone's struggle but here goes anyway......

I think Breezeman is right. You do sound stronger, more confident of late. Maybe you are drawing strength from your children? Has your success yesterday at interview made you feel better about yourself? Perhaps returning to a work environment will build your confidence further?

I don't have the answers, I'm afraid. In the final analysis, only you can decide what you are capable of dealing with and what you can manage.

My only advice would be to make your decision for yourself and for your children and remember that every affirmative choice you make, every decision that comes from you, is a step back to being the person you want to be.

Best regards.

9

Stiltman, You are right, If I was so incompetent, I would not have managed the interview, or the chat....you are right...I have not got this far without getting a small reward....so lets enjoy. When I start to fall Ill just read some postings from you lovely people :lol:

Lets get excited about life, lets enjoy what ever time we have left. Stop this negativity...she says wanting to SCREAM and isolating herself. No , this is ME reserving energy for what I should be doing :lol: I just want to be more up than down now!!!! I should be happy today, under these circumstances I still managed....I am going to remeber my grandad giving me that pat on my back when i got my higher results....and his words...\"See, you are a bright, if not the brightests in this family\" , (Grandad, I misss you sooooo much, but hey, ill keep those words very close to my heart, Ill be strong and grandad please dont be ashamed that I have not been enjoying my life .......I promise you my angel, that I am now going to give it my best shot......hope not, no offence, too see you too soon, but when I come, I want a hug!) Love and hugs .

10

:D Sorry, but that should read.....brightest :lol:

My head is thunoingm, my house is a mess, but now going to go and make a rota up , give everyone a smalll task to do, while I want be able to do- not that Ive been doing much in this house anyway, as If id do it wrong I only get critised...gosh..itchy. Must go.

Melbi, i accessed the room!! :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :lol:

11

:shock: :oops: Melbi, sorry I did not mean to sound like I was attacking you...in any way, I am just in a bad mood.

Apology accepted.

Hope you are feeling better now :D

Melbi x

12

:D Breezman(How could I have bee so silly) \"...Ive got all my love to give....i will ..\"

Okay, I am feeling really tired, and my sinuses are really blocked now, I certainly dont need a peg on my nose, (God that would draw even more attention to that concorde plastered on my face :lol: ).Still cant find my glasses- I have no Idea where they have gone, so annoying!!!!! :oops: :oops: :oops:

i really want more sleep, and feel even more grrrr! :grrr: with partner as I can hear him snoring, like we dont have a problem in the world :cry: :cry: he said; \"You are welcome to come back to our bedroom any time\", Sorry, call me immature, call me anything you want but puke, bluh! Id rather not thank you very much. Even if you looked like george Clooney 20 years younger.....NOT A CHANCE!!!!!!

Yup! Found spec box, but no glasses. :chick: :fairy: s where are you lot? :doh: :donut: Erm, have a bored you all ....? as he would say\"Sucked all the blodd out and dried him\", :bat: Okay, i am going to have a cup of tea and some chocolate!! My head is til got psycho, cutting the knife in, maybe its gor something to do with my sinuses...oh..nevermind, take care people, enjoy your breakfast! :D

13

Hi Katy,

There were enough of the lyrics to recognise them. And we all make typos here!

But you're doing better than you were, Katy. Good luck tomorrow with your first day at work. You might make lots of blunders, but don't get flustered. Try and work out who's the best one to discuss your immediate job-training problems with, and just persist!

I know you can do it Katy.

14

[quote:7971e0dc30=\"Breezman\"]Hi Katy,

There were enough of the lyrics to recognise them. And we all make typos here!

But you're doing better than you were, Katy. Good luck tomorrow with your first day at work. You might make lots of blunders, but don't get flustered. Try and work out who's the best one to discuss your immediate job-training problems with, and just persist!

I know you can do it Katy.

Katy, Breezeman is right. Give it your best shot.

Remember that no-one will expect you to be perfect on day one so don't try and demand that from yourself.

Good luck. Be magnificent!!

Best regards.

15

8) :lol: Stiltman, :lol: you took the 13th post!!!!! (hope you okay now!!!!)

Breezman, Stiltman, melbi, Kimolo everyone, getting up and yes...Ill try and do my best, Thanks people for being so suppportive. It will be the best thing for me. Ill be making money and want be feeling guilty for being stuck at home while children are at school! 8) Ill just try my best................as long as me nerves dont take over, and squeaky Katy arrives :!:

16

:D :D :oops: :oops: :oops: :roll: :roll: 8) Found my glasses, yippee!!!!!!!! I can go to work with my eyes on,,,,,thank goodness! So relieved. Life is so much easier when you can see :lol: :lol: So happy, theyd fallen off my bedside table and got caught half way down the side in a scarf. What a plank I am for not checking :!: , never mind.....Iam laughing now, but going to take them off in a minute so that I cant see the mess Ive made in the hunt for them :x Or , just the general mess full stop.

17

I applaud you Katy on your ability to apply for jobs, go through with an interview and then get the position you applied for.

All takes a lot of nerve in the healthiest of people - I have worked where I am now for over 10 years and the return to work interview was more than enough to have to contend with.

So a very huge well done from me - if you can go through all that, the rest will be a doddle for you - I'm quite sure.

Go sock it to 'em - you can do it!

Love 'n' hugs

Melbi x

18

:boing: :boing: :boing: :boing: :boing: :boing:

Good luck Katy with your new job, you really are an inspiration, and have come so far since you first came on the site. Well done!

It makes you feel good to realise that someone appreciates your abilities (ok, your kids don't let on they do, but you raised them,didn't you? They're healthy and happy? There you go then.)

GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST WISHES IN THE WORLD FOR TOMORROW.

:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

19

Katy, proud of u, all best for your new job, done really well.......

Wish i could day the same, went to a wedding yesterday, obviously had alot to drink, feel dreadfull today, i know its the alcohol, but feeling so bad about myself.................just poured myself a pint !!

Really got to me going to the wedding yesterday, brought back all my memories of mine, the other night i had nearly a 2 hour chat with my ex wife about my depression, she says id had it for years but wouldnt acknowledge it, this has cost me my mariage , im just rambling now but the way i see it is that i will never get over my ex and i dont want to really and that no tablets or talking will change that, i put on the fake smiles yesterday but all icould think of was her, eventually the drink took over and i didnt care, even when everything is sorted i will hate my \"new\" life without her, its like i have had the best years already and life now will be eternally sh*t.................................

Im just in one of those moods today, i feel really lonely now and thats madness, i honestly think i am going mad sometimes, i really do......

20

:shock: Ja, I dont like weddings myself. Id rather just wish the happy couple well at their reception, get completey under the table and then crawl home.

Sorry to hear that you feel that way about your ex. You should not blame yourself, and remeber that (and I hope Iam not hurting your feelings here)....if you ja watched your ex wife suffer depression, would you have kept quiet, or would you have helped her?

Who helped you to get help in the first instance? My partner still does not understand anything about how I feel though I reckon he is in just about the same sinking boat that I have been in. I cant but help feel some anger at him for him not supporting me, and not even attempting to understand. My point is, you should not feel guilty about your breakdown in your marriage , when evidenly she could have helped you along the way.

Its friends here, and the freinds that I have made recently that have encouraged me to help myself and my children. (oh god, do I sound a bit self-righteous?). I know that this job and whatever support i get from him, will be the ultimate challenge. my plans are to hold down the job, until I realise what it is I really want to do...I am not going tog gte my self in the same state thatI was. Though I am so very sensitive at the moment, but with lots of cheek.

Ja, I hope you start to feel better soon.You never know who or what is round the corner...you just never know...so keep on going.....i think, what comes around goes around, and I hope(though dont think its necessarily true) that people fight for their just deserts in the end. One day you might fight back, and felel saddened that you have grieved for you ex so long, which will probably make you feel somewhat angry and resentful towards your ex, but I think thats part of the grieving course.

I know I am not looking forward to the inevitable breakdown of my relationship, but I do know that things are not right and that the way I am living is not a life for me......but hopefully if we keep just pushing at that brick wall that we have to try and knock down or simply climb over, the fight has got to be worth it. God , waffle waffle. Good luck ja.....one day youll meet someone else...yyou are still young and so are your children, You will, no matter what happens muddle through. Your children, NEED, LOVE and respect youas we are theyre teacher they are our guiders, land friends. Its worth putting up a fight , just for them smile Take care, I hope all this does not sound too self righteous as i am feeling nervous and a bit hyper, and thats without nay drink, bugger!