I've been feeling depressed for six months now following a "traumatic" incident. I registered at my GP and should really book an appointment now, I felt completely ready to get help but now it's here I feel like I definitely shouldn't.
I've always been good at dealing with my issues and being ok, so I don't see why this time should be any different and I don't really understand why I'm finding it so damn hard to shake these feelings.
The reasons why I feel depressed are complicated also and I don't have the effort or motivation to talk these through with a GP or some sort of councillor, nor do I want to.
I felt so ready to start the process of finding help a month ago but now I do not feel I deserve it (or want it) at all. The only thing that does worry me is that I usually feel relief from self harm, but recently it hasn't felt like enough. And when I have got drunk (with friends) I find myself alone at the end of the night in an incredibly dark place and I do worry I may do something stupid.
I'm in a massive "I do not care at all" place and maybe that's a good thing, maybe I can just get on with it but, logically - there is always a chance that it could get worse as well I suppose.
I understand it must be very difficult experiencing all these symptoms and going trough all of these ... What you are experiencing are clearly signs of depression... and flirting with the idea of getting help is good, go ahead an make the next step ... go toy your GP and ask them to refer you to IAPT talking therapies (or google your city + IAPT) and you will find the details to self refer. They are really good, I wor for them in my area ! Don't suffer alone, there is good support outhere and tou can access it in true confidentiality !
You must go to your doctor now. There will be a part of you that wants to have a life again and you must get strength from that. Its really important that you talk things out because that's the only way things will get better. You can not deal with this on your own. It's difficulty when you're independent to ask for help but nows the time to learn. If you hold issues in then they become self destructive. So do this for yourself.Try a woman doctor at the surgery - just get yourself there.