So i tend to have repetitive thoughts about my situation and theyre always the same thoughts, not snxiety abiut general things like going to the shops or somethinf but just thiughts that make me extremley anxious like thinking abiut everything thats happened to me, when i go downhill my first saying is "the thiughts are back" becuase ill have cobstant thoughts like "ill never have a normal life again" etc which makes me very anxious, theyre usually the same circle of thoughts that i cant control, makes me anxious and makss me feel crap all round, and usually end up going back and thinking about whats happened to me since taking SSRIS (had major reactions to all of them read my story on my profile for detail as its a long one) this seems to have brought on these obsessive thoughts about it all... my question is, im now worrying what if its noy anxiety but actually some form of OCD brought on by the traumatic experienxe ive had or is it just the effect the drug has had on me, or is it just anxiety and worry about ehatd happened to me and whats still going on? ive been off citalopram now for 3 weeks and now weaning off quetiapine, becuase i had no mental health issues before these meds, but for the 8 minths that i was on meds every 4 weeks i would get extremley depressed, anxious and have these repetitive thoughts, i would suffer depersonalisation, get thoughts that i was better off not here and that my little girl was better off without me etc... ive been out of work for 8 months becuase of it all which was all started by a Dr giving me an SSRI becuase i had trouble sleeping, that was it i had no mental health issues beforehand... is it still just anxiety or has this situation caused me to have OCD /obsessive thoughts
i also find im so scared of going back to a very dark place again so anxious about that
OCD is an anxiety disorder in itself, and revolves around having compulsions. The urge to do something when a problem arises. I have GAD and often think that I have OCD at times as I absolutely must do certain things in response to my feelings. When I am happy I end up moving my arms back and forth and tense my whole body up, it elevates my heart rate and leaves me dizzy through the tension I exert on myself. I also have to scroll up on things when I forget my train of thought, an example being if I forget what I am thinking of while scrolling Facebook I absolutely must scroll up to a point I had the thought. This usually means I keep scrolling up and down through a few posts and overthink about the idle thoughts.
A big trigger for my anxiety is forgetting what I thought of due to past issues with my memory when I was 13. I find it is helpful to do Mindfulness, breathing and focusing on your senses and allowing the thoughts to flow. It is really hard to ignore the physical anxiety that comes on from any random thought, but you keep focusing on your Mindfulness. It is good to imagine you are inflating and deflating a balloon when breathing in and out, or distracting yourself with relaxing sounds and meditation.
I always find myself thinking of the choices I have made, especially ones that caused me to rebound my anxiety (I have wrote posts about them in the past) and I ask if I have made myself that way forever and if I have messed up the chemicals in my body and they will not be fixed ever, this is just anxiety trying to get a grip of you and create scenarios. You can prove to yourself this is not the case and that you are always in control of yourself. Standing out your front door to get fresh air and being under the sky is helpful, and keeping myself occupied.
It is rough when the thoughts of forever hit, they always hit me with “What if I am like this in 20 years time when I am 40, and I have nothing to show for the best years of my life.” There are also a lot of counselling and therapy, alongside alternative medication to SSRI’s that help. I have been on 3 different SSRI’s over 3 year as well as Mirtazapine and none of them agreed with me and Mirtazapine made me much worse. I am on Propranolol and that has personally helped a lot with my physical anxiety.
I hope you find something that helps, medication, or not, or both perhaps. Keep positive, there is something that will get you back on track, and you are the best person to start that - believe me!
Wishing you the very best in life!
Kyle