My nephew has been diagnosed with OCD, which started about a year ago and has got steadily worse. He has to count to a certain number before taking clothes off and can sometimes put them back on to make sure he counted correctly, clothes have to be laid out just so, so dressing takes forever, he also gets stuck in rooms not able to move, its quite frightening. His psychiarist has put him on a pill and therapy, of which he has only had one session in 3 weeks, and his mother is paying for it!
Surely this can't be right, what other treatments are out there, would hpynosis be any good, its very distressing. He is 17. Any help would be appreciated, we are in the UK.
Just a brief thought, Christine, which I realise might be unhelpful.
Has he ever been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum (Asperger's etc.)? That can cause obsessive behaviour and it's disgracefully under-diagnosed, even these days. Has he actually seen a psychologist, as opposed to a psychiatrist - who's a doctor and will try to medicalise everything? I don't live in the UK, but I think there are a lot of support groups out there who could put you in touch with a specialist psychologist. His mother would probably still have to pay, though. Try googling Asperger, Autism, Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
I could, of course, be totally wrong in thinking along these lines.
I used to work in a mental health team. In the UK you can see a psychologist on the national health. You don't say how old he is. The system works differently for adults and children. You don't say what type of therapy he is receiving. Whether he is an adult or a child it could be a form of behavioural therapy, or systematic desensitization carried out by a qualified psychologist. OCD often stems from extreme anxiety and the compusive behaviour is engaged in by the sufferer as a way of reducting the anxiety. Except we can get stuck in the behaviour and it doesn't work in reducing the anxiety and can make life extremely difficult.The psychiatrist and the psychologist can both be of enormous help in treating anxiety and combatting the compulsions. We can all be a little obsessive sometimes, even now I sometimes return to the house, because I can't remember if I switched off the gas cooker/grill. The important thing to remember is that this is a treatable condition. And there is every chance it will be completely curable.
Your poor nephew! As a fellow OCD sufferer I really feel for him.
Has he tried going through his dr at all? I highly recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, though it is hard and requires facing your fears, but in a structured way with the help of his psychiatrist.
I hope you don't mind me advising the below, and I am sure you are all very supportive of him by the sounds of it, but from my experience there are some things that family can definitely do to help him.
Firstly, if you can allow him to be honest with you about what he is thinking and feeling, this can really help. When I get really stressed, I have to sit down with my husband and talk through my anxieties with him in a logical way. This can no doubt be quite annoying to my husband, as OCD can mean that you have to go through the same conversation again and again.
Saying "we've been through this once already!" like some people have told me in the past (as much as it is very tempting, it won't help him)... it'll just put him off talking to people about it.
If you can empathise with him about his condition, this is probably going to be quite enough. (At least, it was for me). Don't expect to understand his concerns. Chances are he will know with some of his worries that there is no logic behind what he is doing, but the consequences of what he believes will happen if he doesn't do his compulsions far outweigh, in his anxious state, any logical reason he may come up with for not doing them.
(Something I found interesting through talking to other sufferesr is that if you get two OCD sufferers together, chances are they won't even see the logic in the others' worries and concerns, as each sufferers worries are personal to them alone).
I can imagine just how hard it is to see him go through this, and to watch him at the moment you must think it will take years to resolve, but this doesn't have to be the case. Sometimes it's like a domino effect and once you crack the main worry reason, the other compulsions will just fall by the way-side.
(Just to give you a bit of reassurance, that I have experienced this) while pregnant with my child my OCD got so bad I didn't want to leave the house, drink from a cup anyone had touched,or sit on a bus with anyone (in case they had a contagious disease). I was terrified of smelling smells that may cause a miscarriage and could spend 20 minutes trying to fill a kettle with water for a cup of tea because I was so terrified of contaminating my baby with dirty water). I also had to wash each cutlery item, plate, cup etc at least 5 times due to the same contamination worry. My rituals easily took up 3 hours + of my day.
Within approx 8 mths of treatment, I was discharged, having hardly any symptoms - certainly none that affected my quality of life, which is what they judge it on.
I hope that this helps. If I can help in any way further, please feel free to message me again on this thread.
I really hope he gets the help he needs fast. And I hope that my post has been re-assuring as to how quickly his recovery can progress.
Hi, this is very helpful thank you, I am mum and have no idea what to do for the best. He is now completely disabled by this as everything takes him so long to achieve he is now avoiding doing anything for himself. I have been doing everything but not only is it exhausting for me I can't see how it's helping him long term. I'm easing his anxiety by doing it for him but should I try setting goals? He just gets upset when I've tried so far as he says I just can't do it.eg, getting dressed or undressed. He has to take it off then put it back on hundreds of times before it feels ok to leave it off or on.
He he is now talking to me which is a huge help as I had 6 months where he wouldn't see a doc or admit he had a problem. Eventually he asked for help.
he is having CBT which so far hasn't helped but only 3 sessions so far. He has seen consultant twice now as I quieried medication as he is just getting worse. He is now on double dose.
Is is there anything else I can try? Any advice much appreciated.
thankyou to all who have replied on this thread too.
I would strongly suggest that he continues seeking help through his psychologist and through the use of CBT. You may well find that he starts to find things slightly easier now that they have increased his meds - I had to have mine increased a number of times to try and calm me down before I could really start tackling my OCD problems.
Remember that tackling his OCD is going to be really uncomfortable for him and cause him more anxiety, so the more calm he can feel, and more logical in his mind using medication, the more he will be able to feel capable of doing in his therapy.
The fact that he has asked for help is brilliant - and the first step to him recovering, so if you haven't already, please make sure he knows how well he has done to get this far. And please make sure he knows that this does not mean that he is "mad". (I refused to seek counselling for many years (as to some degree or another I have suffered with OCD since the age of 7) thinking I'd be labelled mad & put in some sort of asylum, but that just isn't the case). He needs to understand that he has an anxiety disorder. His OCD is simply the method he uses to control his anxiety - the same as other people use other crutches, such as alcohol,drugs, self-harming etc.
Also OCD is extremely common and he will probably be surprised to know how many people actually suffer from it.
I am wary to give much practical advice as his therapy needs to be monitored and progressed by a professional psychiatrist. Although I know what worked for me, I'm sure there are lots of other techniques available and I am not a psychiatrist myself, so fear I may do more harm than good regurgiating everything that I was taught in my CBT lessons as this may not be the best approach with your son.
I will also explain that when I got referred to a psychiatrist, I had previously been seeing (and paying!) a counsellor. However, when it was known that I was seeking psychiatric help, my counsellor advised that they could no longer see me, as this was seen as a conflict of interest. (The conflict being possibly giving me two different treatment suggestions at the same time - which could easily happen). This could actually result in a negative affect to the success of my treatment. It is only for this reason I am wary to go into too much detail, as if I thought it would help I would do so in a heartbeat.
However I can say with regards to the fact of you doing most daily tasks for him, that although it is very tempting to just stop doing all these things for him, (thinking it will help his recovery); this needs to be done very carefully, with the help of his psychiatrist and at a rate that your son is comfortable with.
My husband ended up doing loads of things for me - again thinking he was helping the situation... Some of them were simply to help me and others (such as ensuring that things were switched off, all windows shut and locked and all doors locked before going out) were for quickness in general.
(Referring back to my original message, this shows how OCD can spin off into different, totally unrelated things... How exactly can checking that our front door is locked 21 times before leaving the house have any effect on the safety of my unborn child? - Answers on a postcard please?!!!)
However, I would say that alongside any treatment that he is receiving; if you can get him to talk openly and calmly with you about why he does the rituals he does, this may help him in time. For instance, if you can get him to explain calmly to you why he needs to re-dress himself so many times and what he believes will happen if he doesn't.
I found (and still find) that the more honest I can be with people about my condition, the easier I can deal with my anxieties myself. However, don't be surprised if this will take a lot of tongue-biting on your part. It will probably not be an easy thing to listen to, or to understand. But hopefully over time, and as he seeks more help, he will be able to help lessen his anxiety through talking through these concerns with someone he trusts to help him.
Finally, (and I hope I am not putting words in your mouth) but please don't beat yourself up about whether you could have done anything to prevent this. (Like I believe my parents did). You are there for him and clearly support him through a most trying time in his life - you are doing so much to help him.
Wow that's alot of info and a lot of help, thank you. I didn't know that the OCD is the secondary issue and the way to deal with anxiety. I thought he had OCD and this caused anxiety along side. I've read so much but your info is so much more helpful. He has told me why he does this and it's because if he doesn't do these rituals he will die of cancer. He is petrified of it, as I'm trying to guide him through a doorway for example he will grip on to the panels so tightly he has white knuckles, I will say that's it's ok to let go now nothing bad will happen and he just tells me that I do not know that. Anything I say to reassure him gets the same answer and clearly I don't know but it's unlikely he will be struck down with cancer an die being a previously healthy 17 yr old.
He has a lot on so a lot of pressure too, he is completing his A levels and just has 4 months left, not that I'm counting. He can no longer write or type as gets stuck on a work so then has to delete everything an start again so never produces anything. I'm now scribing for him at home and he will get a scribe for his exams. He gets nothing done in school but takes a lot I to his head thankfully. School have been good but can't do miracles but I meet with them again this week as things are a lot worse since the previous meeting.
he said this weekend that he was sad that he will never be the same person again. This was hard to hear and all I could do is tell him that he could well be that same person again once treatment starts to work.
im very glad you mentioned about me doing everything for him to be ok as I was concerned I wasn't making him try and doing more harm than good but I can see my gut instinct was right, I'm known for doing do much for my children but that's who I am. But relieved you say that it is a good thing.
Did id you get stuck in places? He gets stuck in rooms as the doorways are a major problem, half way up stairs in another one, the car is the latest one. He also gets stuck to things, coffee tables, water bottles, door handles etc I have to talk calmly and prize his hands off, it's like he has super glue on them and just can't let go. He openly says to me now that if I let go etc I will die of cancer. He says it like he is going to explode immediatly into a cloud of dust. I can not get my head around it but clearly you understand as you suffer yourself. It's so hard to know what to do.
Next CBT is tonight I keep hoping something she says will help.
Thank you for all your inf and time, it is very helpful and I've been unable to find any other kind of info where you can ask questions or advice. I've done alot of reading but as it's not clear cut and everyone is so different I guess that's why there are no such rules.
Linda, just to say I hope you get the help you need for your poor son. I know both from personal and work experience how devastating it is to have to cope with a loved one's mental illness. When it's your child, it must be even worse. I'm really glad you found Angela on this forum too.
I know I sent a lot of information - sorry about that!!!
In answer to your question, yes I did used to get stuck places (or more expecially with me, on things). When I get stressed even now I can have the same problem. I get stuck on things like car door and front door handles, where I feel I need to keep trying them to make sure that they are still locked. I can also find myself unable to leave the kitchen before I have counted off all the knobs on the hob, to ensure that none of them are releasing any gas.
A big one for me is also reading... I will find that I cannot read a sentence in a book, without reading it in a certain pattern. Unfortunately this pattern results in me not being able to take in the meaning of the passage that I have read! This is really difficult for me as I love reading and when my OCD plays up like this, I get no enjoyment out of it whatsoever.
I can totally understand where his cancer worry comes from - this has been a big OCD worry of mine for years.... I couldn't even bring myself to say or write the word, fearing this would "jynx" me and therefore either myself or someone I loved would get the disease.
For instance, I would have to brush my hair a set number of times to prevent this happening. (This was because I linked hair with hair loss during chemotherapy - logical to me, but not to anyone else I have exolained it to). An argument I have found very useful myself when this OCD worry rears its' ugly head is to tell myself that if brushing my hair x amount of times prevented cancer, then the NHS would be advertising it on television constantly as it would save the NHS thousands. This argument did really help me, but as I said before, this should all be done through professional CBT therapy. For instance, this particular argument may not work for your son. CBT will help get to the root of his worries.
I don't know whether any other OCD sufferers would say the same, but personally I find "IF the scariest word in the world. The fact that there is no certainty that something may happen, means that it COULD happen. And in my old, pessimistic, OCD mind, that meant that it would be "just my luck" that it happened to me - even though I hadn't been particularly unlucky in life up until that point. so there wasn't anything to base that feeling on! Therefore I totally understand his worry that "you don't know" whether he will catch anything - that's the problem. If you could tell him, then he would have a definite, certain answer.
I will say that I also suffered from what they term "magical thinking". For instance, when boiling the kettle, if I noticed the washing up liquid by the sink, my mind would think "don't put that in the water in the kettle". (Why I would do this, I didn't know!) But as soon as I had done this, it was like I had already done it and I would feel the need to have to rinse, and re-rinse the kettle to make sure that I hadn't. (Your son may not have this side of things - but I thought I would mention it in case it does ring a bell).
Although this isn't something you'll want him to think about at the moment, OCD may well be something that he suffers with to some degree for most of his life (this can be a very depressing thought - I know).
Some people can recover and never get any of these things again, others (like me) will notice that they start to creep in again when they are stressed. However, as I know what the signs are now, I know to go over my old CBT notes and do some of the CBT homework I used to do before. Doing this before it becomes too engrained helps to reduce the chance of it becoming a life-debilitating illness again.
Also my OCD acts as an indicator as well - both to myself and people who know me very well. When I get stressed I (and my hubby) will notice that I start to get my OCD worries and compulsions back. But because I can be open with him it's fine. I'll just say that my OCD is playing up and we will sit down and talk through what is worrying me and then I will logically talk myself through why my concern is illogical.
Anyone reading this will probably wonder why I am airing all my experiences in such an open forum; but to be honest, where my OCD is concerned, I am pretty much an open book. If sharing my own personal OCD experiences with other people who are suffering, can help them to feel like they are not alone and not the only person in the world to feel like this, then I am happy to talk about it all as openly and honestly as I can.
I also felt like I would never be the same person again. And to some degree he may be right; only not the way he perceives it at the moment. Once he has got through this (which he can if he perseveres at a pace that suits him), then he will realise what a strong person he is / what a stronger person he has become. Afterall, facing your fears is one of the hardest things to do.
Angie, I for one am delighted that you're airing this in an open forum. I'm sure it's going to be very useful for many people. I'm also going to find it useful in my voluntary job at the mental health centre. I'm not a therapist, of course, and don't treat patients, but it's part of the volunteers' job to simply listen to their problems. As you can imagine, quite a few of them have OCD, either as a stand-alone condition or as part of a more widespread neurosis or psychosis.
Would you mind if I extracted some of your comments to share with my colleagues? I won't even mention your on-line name. Linda, could I extract yours too? Complete anonymity, of course.
Angie, I had to smile when reading some of your descriptions, as they made me realise OCD, like so many other mental health problems, is something of a spectrum disorder. I wouldn't class myself as having OCD, but I can still recognise quite a lot of the things you mention in myself, albeit in a more manageable version!
Linda's descriptions of her son's problems have brought back long-forgotten memories of my own childhood and teenage years too. I was nowhere near as bad as the lad in question, but all kinds of stuff has come back. On London buses in the 1940s, the conductor gave you a paper ticket with a number on it, and my mother always used to give it to me to hold when I was small. It's only now that I remember the terror I used to feel if there was a 7 in the number (I could read and knew my numbers from the age of 3) as that meant I'd die that day. I also remember now how I went through a period of terror that I'd need to go to the toilet all the time in my early teens, which is probably out of the same stable. It was particularly bad in the night, when I'd sometimes get up every few minutes. I can remember getting some terrible beatings from my father over that. Sounds bad, but it was all part of normal parenting back in the 1950s...
Happily, things got better as I grew older, though I still have a few odd obsessions even now, in my 70s, which I generally keep to myself. I wonder how many other people are in the same position. I've realised over the years that quite a lot of things that we see as signs of mental illness are only in fact elements of "normal" behaviour that have somehow got out of control.
Once again, Linda, I hope you and your boy find peace.
Yes, you are more than welcome to extract anything of mine relating to my experiences, but I would ask that you don't extract any of my comments that relate to Linda's son unless she is happy for you to do so.
I'm also happy to answer any other questions that you or your colleagues may have. If my answers can help a sufferer - or alternatively help someone trying to support a sufferer understand a bit more about the condition (even if it's just the illogical nature of the condition), then I am open to explaining my experiences of this.
Just please remember that I can only comment on my OCD. (I am only an expert on my OCD, no-one elses)!
Thanks for that, Angie. And don't worry - I wouldn't make any extracts from Linda's posts without permission. That's why I asked her in the same post.
You'd be an ideal person to come and talk to our volunteers' group as part of our on-going training. Unfortunately, though, we're not in the UK and our organisation is permanently strapped for cash, so I don't think we'd run to your travel expenses!
Yes of course you can extract info to help others. I'm so glad my Auntie found this site as I'm bogged down with responsibility and have no idea what I am doing so this is really useful information x
I'm very glad you are happy to share your experience as it will help me and others survive through this challenging time. For the first time in his life I can not fix things for him so I'm on an emotional roller coaster ride.
the comment re the adverts and nhs is brilliant I will try this one as of course it is so true. He tends to roll his eyes at me when I come up with such comments but this one is very matter of fact so defo worth a try.
thank you again for sharing and never apologise for writing so much as everything is helpful right now as I feel we have hit rock bottom and have a very long road ahead of us.
Pi know we all have some OCD and it's funny that for the last few years he has called me OCD and I al do is like everything to be tidy and straight etc
i hope your moments are short lived now and controllable and I can only hope he starts to improve soon.