Hi. My name is Sue and I just turned 61 years old(even though I basically still feel as if I am in my 40's or so....not really physically buy emotionally, age-wise). You know, it was so true when older people used to say how very, very quickly time would fly for them being older! It IS so true I see now! bout 13 years ago, I badly inured my spine at work. Not my fault. I even worked after that until finally, I could no longer do it. It turned out that I had a fracture in the spine and herniations and sciatica down the leg, etc. I have been in such pain for all these years. I have gone for every type of treatment there is. Nothing. I even went to a rehab for help three times a week for about 3 months....did not help. One thing I would NOT do........that is to have back surgery! How many people have I either known or have read about that said it was the very worst thing they ever did. The surgery ended up NOT helping and in the end, they were left with not being able to do anything except to basically stay home, watch tv and just only once in awhile, go out for a short time. Boy......what a change from working so much all the time and then going out a few nights a week and for dinner's, etc. or to the stores! No more. Also, all these years of suffering with the emotional consequences of a brutally abusive biological mother who literally admitted years later that she never wanted me.....especially a "girl!!" She ended up having another and "lucked out" with her "boy!" They have been joined at the hip ever since! He still lives with her at 59 years old and they are exactly the same, cruel personalities! lthough she used to beat me on a continual basis since I was a baby until 17 years old when I left and nearly drowned me in a sink, twice(only part of the story), I still tried to "understand" her as I got older and tried to have a relationship. She always found SOME way of sabotaging it. Verbally, she was horrible to me. Finally, I had enough and just said "to heck with it." So, she and my brother do not wish to have anything to do with me now.....just because. He adores the almighty dollar more than he loves family....always did. Very introverted, just like her and they BOTH had told me they had been "jealous" of me years ago because I was so outgoing! Can you believe it?! See, I was like my Dad who had passed away whe I was only 11. I miss him. Anyway......now, I don't have them and I have lost 3 very dear friends from MS and cancer and a genetic lung disease. And, a dear friend of 35 years lived here and now, she kept falling due to balance isues, would hit her head each time and last year, had to go to a nursing home. The same time my sweet, darling little dog after 17 years I had to have put to sleep. He could no longer hardly walk, God Bless him. It was the UNSELFISH thing to do........for him. I miss mostly everyone so very much and I miss him. You know, I have one friend here where I live, but she has her own health problems and is 70+ years old. We talk fairly often but it seems like there are no more phone calls anymore. No more going out for lunch. It is just SO very different and depressing. I am going to be going to a psychologist/psychiatrist for some help. I just thought I would come out with everything with nothing to loose. I thank you all for listening to me. Please let me know if any of you are going through the same type of issues. Thank you once again. Take care and God Bless everyone! Sue
Hi Sue, thank you so much for sharing your story with us, it was very moving and interesting.
My life has been so smooth and uninteresting at the side of yours and reading what you said has made me feel so glad for the loving family I had. My parents are both dead and I miss them terribly, even though I am in my 60's I feel vulnerable without them, Mum was my rock.
I identify with you missing your lovely dog. I took in a tiny kitten who was born blind and he was like a little dog, he walked on a lead and he was my constant companion. He died aged 18 at the end of last year, I had to have him put to sleep because he was losing the use of his legs apart from other problems. I have no words to describe how I loved that little cat and how much I have grieved for him. So I understand how you are feeling, Sue.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you.
I hope the treatments that you have planned are very successful, good for you for seeking help.
Thank you again for sharing and let us know how you go on.
Pat
Dear Sue,
What a difficult picture you paint. I am not surprised you find the going tough. Can I help? I should like to. I have my problems but rather like Patricia, they are light when I consider yours.
I am glad you have found this forum. I have found my friends here of very great help. More than once have they straightened me out and got me going again. I recommend strongly you use this forum both for receiving help, advice and comfort but also contributing to help others. I am rather deaf and also sensitive to loud noises. It is very isolating. I relate to your lonesomeness although from that different angle. Keeping in touch on the forum does help.
Recently I stopped using the forum as had been my way formerly. My absence was noticed and my friends quietly worked away and finally got me back with a small amount of help from my GP. One of my forum friends got me started on writing poetry. Much to my surprise I found I liked it and contribute to a poetry website. I find that very theraputic and another source of friends and contacts.
The main thing about this forum is that we contribute from our experiences rather than theory. Where facets of our experience match then we can write our little piece. Often it helps just to know others have been in a similar situation. Other times we get useful ideas. If not, it doesn't matter.
That experience with your mother and brother is indeed very upsetting. I was not rejected until in my twenties and that hurt very much and still does. At 11 to have lost your only sympathetic support in the family it must have been very bad.
I wish you every blessing, and welcome
Hello, I am sorry you have had a difficult past and feeling lonesome. I have some elements similar to yours in that my father rejected me at age 11. I have suffered with Arthritis from that age also. I have Arthritis in my spine so i understand pain. Your abusive mothers sounds like my abusive father. I have talked about this on the forum before and found a relief from others listening and replying. You are not alone as many others have had similar experiences. I have forgiven my father on his death bed and it is the only way to let go of the injustices we have endured at the hands of our own parents, whom should of been there to protect us. Counselling and talking therapies have helped me in the past to come to terms with my abusive chidhood and subsequent marriage. My husband commited suicide and i also had to come to terms with that. One thing we cannot change is our parents and the way they treated us, we were vunerabable. We can only change ourselves. We can be the stronger person because of our experiences. We are compassionate and understanding and sensitive of what others are going through. This is not to say that others are not compassionate people. Many people that become counsellers or samaratians have had very difficult pasts too. I will add that although by no means as an excuse that your mother may have had a diffficcult past herself and carried on that cycle of abusive towards you. Years ago people didn't talk or seek help like they do today, it was a sign of weekness. My father was a bully to everyone but more so towards me and my sister, i do believe we reminded him of his mother, she abandoned him when she skacked up with another man, he was brought up by his very strict father, i believe he may have been abusive towards my father. His mother had two more children and he hated them.
Are you able to get out now. I have joined a meet up group thou it is based 15 miles away, i go to meet others for a coffee and lunches. I have met some lovely people. I struggle to get out and don't drive i travel on the bus. I do this as i have no real friends living close by. Look up your local meet up groups. There are all sorts of groups to meet everyones tastes. Groups are mixed ages, nationalities, genders etc. Everyone accepts all. You meet new people everytime as well as others you have met before. Another thing i do is i do online courses which are free and again to suit all tastes. I do courses for pleasure and have learnt so much.
Hope some of what i have said helps.
Best wishes.
Elizabeth.
Hello rascal and bless you. It is a very sad story. Oh I know how much you miss your dear dog. I had to have a dear companion put down too as he went blind and although not old, could not cope. I had rescued him and had him for a few years, but yes it breaks our hearts, and takes a long time to get over.
I am in my 70s and the worse thing for me is lonliness. I have lived alone for 30 years. I do get out, and arthritis has slowed me down, and the pain often bad, but I keep going as best I can. I have a rescue cat now and would not be without him. It is another heartbeat in the house.
I am sorry you had a bad childhood, and no longer see your family. Losing so much, friends, family, pets, it is enough to bring anyone low. In all the years I have been alone I have had depression, and it is a lonely place at times.
I really sympathise with you, and am glad you have come here as it helps to have friends. We may never meet each other, but we can understand and support each other as best we can.
I live in England, but would like to be friends with you. I think we understand how the other is feeling. Living with constant pain as you do is so very draining. Shame we don't live near each other as sounds like we could both do with a friend.
Take care and a big hug from me.
I missed you George. I am glad you have returned to us. I belong to a peotry group, and I am glad you are now writing peotry. In my group we read poems rather than write them. I admire that you can, as I find it really difficult to write poetry.
Yes I find great comfort in this forum, like you. I think when we live alone it is nice to know that others can come into our home and talk to us. We may never meet each other, but I feel so much less lonely knowing I can switch on my lap top and talk to such lovely people. I was really low this morning, but now I am here, I am feeling a lot better. Depression is so difficult to deal with, and so isolating.
God bless, and please keep writing here George