All im doing is thinking what they think about me and is.it the same.way i think about myself ( detest mysepf) im trying to stay strong but it is hard, my manager sqys its great to have you back :-/. I think.people are juet saying this, i still push my wife away, she sent me a txt saying, she is really proud of me and that she loves me always
Everyone sees themselves completely different to how others see them.Always. No matter how hard it is to believe. I would often love to grab a questionnaire and ask everyone what they think of me and to behonest so it puts my mind at rest, but obviously that cant be done. You just need to trust that your own judgement of yourself is completely blurred, becuase it really is. Why do you detest yourself? You have to think of how other people care and love you for who YOU are. Your wife. She stays with you through thick and thin, regardless of any issues you may have. The same for other people who care about you. No one is thinking about you the same way that you do because the problem isnt with them, its with you. And i dont mean that nastily not at all, all i mean is that its something you are working yourself up about so youll think everyone else is too. When realistically its all in your head. Its easier said than done though, i completely understand. Just as long as you can keep trying to tell yourself that no one is thinking badly of you. Of course people wont be just saying that its great to have you back. Would they really say it if they didnt mean it? they just wouldnt say anything, or welcome you back in a different way.
Come on hanky pull it together! Stop thinking the worst all the time! Who cares what ppl think and actually I think ur find that ur stronger person than anyone at ur work having to deal with what ur going through. Try not to push the wife away she seems really nice to take the time and send u a text she wouldn't bother if she didn't love you so much mate! A real man shows emotions so lean on her for support
Hi there. Boy don't beat yourself up. Your co workers probably missed you and enjoy your personality at work. Never detest yourself. This is part of who you are, a unique and special person. Be so ever thankful to have your wifes support as she loves you just the way you are. What we go through with anxiety is inside us and no one can see. Be proud of yourself and look back at how strong you are. Your back at work. People can be very kind and supportive. Embrace it and enjoy yourself. Instead of detesting yourself, just laugh, at the problem and yourself, change your negative thinking to positive. Tell yourself boy I felt terrible at work its hard etc. And say I did it in here. It will all be good.
Hanky, what evidence is there to suggest people "detest" you?
in my head which i know i it is, i just gotta accept who i am and what i am, but i have never ever been told im ugly etc, its hard to accept this but i will soon, that i know 
didnt go to the barbers to get my hair cut for 14 yrs as i hate looking in the mirror, but my wifes hairdresser is lovely and i have had my hair 3 times now so this was a battle in itself but i came through it and feel better for it, and i know i will get through this depression and anxiety, going to CBT on tuesday night which im looking forward too,
Hi Hanky. I was about to ask if you'd tried CBT when I saw your reply below. I'm sure that it will help you. It's so much easier to believe the negative things we're told than it is to believe the good things. Unfortunately we're often taught as children that compliements should be greeted with a brush off, so it's difficult to then turn our thoughts around to think that they might be true. I also think that a good way to start is to just think of a couple of things that you know are true such as 'If people take the effort to say something nice, they have taken the time/bother to say it so you can't be that bad.' If the roles were reversed would you support your wife in the same way? I presume that you would, so try and accept that she wants to support you in the same way that you would support her. I'm most probably not putting it very well, but basically just start small and try not to second guess what everyone else is thinking. Most people are kind and helpful and will not be thinking bad things about you but I understand that it is more about coming to terms with how you feel about yourself. I'm sure you are a capable person who has many good qualities (even if you can't see them yourself I'm sure others can) and you will soon learn to like yourself.
Thank you keepgoing, your words are kind and really thoughtful and my wife says things like that me I will and I know I will get better and beat this illness :-) thanks again