Been on mitrtazipine for four weeksish now. Feel more lively, like I can put my front on to the world again if you know what I mean. Feel like I can cope with feeling sh*t now but I'm having trouble keeping like that. I'll be bobbing along and then something stupid will knock me and then all of a sudden I'll drop really really low. An example, I've just gone back to work after 2 week off. Hubby hadn't done the washing up (not at work) and had gone out instead. He had picked me up from work and stopped at chippy on way back where kids had played up and I had lost it n shouted at them etc, got in saw dirty dishes n lost it. Went mad, really down sulking shouting, argued n felt sh*t n like couldn't cope. Stormed out in wheelchair n hadn't anywhere to go so just walked n walked. Head was spaced out, thinking stupid thoughts, thought bout pushing self in front of car etc. Feel everyone would be better off without me. When get down feel like it hurts too much to feel. I just want to stop feeling. I am short tempered, my poor kids are fed up of me snapping. I'm fed up of them seeing me cry.at work someone upset me n I just wanted to punch them! Obv I walked away but was shaking n upset. I have tried distracting myself, made some Christmas cards and just kept going made loads but all the time thoughts were running
So I guess although hubby thinks I seem more myself they aren't suiting me are They?!
You need to remember that recovery from depression/ anxiety is rarely smooth. It is usually two steps forward and one step back. You need to take heart from the improvement you have experienced, but be prepared to struggle a bit sometimes. Things will gradually smooth out. Also 4 weeks is a short time to judge by. You are doing the right things, distracting yourself by doing something you enjoy. Take heart from what you have achieved. I do hope things go well for you. Pixie
What you are experiencing is caused by start up side effects. People are told that when the have depression and anxiety, it is due to a brain imbalance that the drug will fix, but in reality there has never been any scientific proof that this is what is happening, despite tons of research searching! So, when you take these drugs, they are actually CREATING and imbalance of neuro chemicals, and that is what causes the side effects. Over time, your nervous system struggles to to re-establish balance, and when it does, those symptoms fade, but meanwhile you a building a new nervous system, one that includes the drug's action as part of the infrastructure. This is why when people add more drug, they have symptoms again, and why when they reduce the drug, they have symptoms again. Only you can decide whether putting up with the side effects while waiting to see if the dru will help you is worth it.
Never stop taking these drugs cold turkey once you have been on them for more than a few weeks, because withdrawal due to the restructuring that has occured will have repercussions. They must be tapered off.
Thank u Pixie. I guess you are right. I suppose 4 weeks isn't a lot really to start getting back on track when I felt so low. Maybe I should stick with them a little bit. X thanks again x