Mu partner of 30 yrs is my angel. He has Aspergers. Social skills r a big issue. We have friends but they make fun of how he dresses and talks.
What do u do if this is a issue with UR loved one?
Hello, I would politely ask them to stop doing that & explain why. If they carry on doing it, they're not true friends or nice people! Xx
Thanks I have many times. I guess unless it's their loved its a open form of harassment.mthey respond with they r trying to help him be more socially acceptable. YIKES narrow minded to say the least. I have sent them emails explaining how change and socially acceptable behaviors is not always a option only well falls on dead ears. Their hearts r in it & well meaning they just DONOT accept that this is a issue .
cheers
HOPE
They dont sound like FRIENDS to me. I thought a friend was someone who liked you and cared about your feelings? You should not have to ask them to stop, they should not want to be so cruel in the first place. I understand it is hard for a person with aspergers to find and keep friends but it is better to hvae no friends than "friends" who are like this.
Oh! That's a hard one then! Does it bother your partner more or you?
I suppose you may need to weigh up their friendship vs stress/hurt feelings.
It's a difficult situation, especially as their heart is in the right place. x
Well I would say they are not friends really are they.
Yes that's just it I know they mean well. I don't want to upset them.. I necrosis quite know if I should stop them at the time the say a hurtful thing and maybe in the heat of things can be resolved.
they do talk behind our back that they have been the best support to him than anyone else. Not true. I feel so stuck wanting to protect my partner first yet these r his long time friends and don't want to risk that .
They have been friends for years. I guess maybe it's time to risk loosing that and I fear how it will effect my partner.
THANKX for UR help.
For many years and I have tried to tell them how their remarks r not helping him but upsetting , and unnecessary. It's not going to chane him even though they think they r helping him.
THANKX
If your partner wants to continue the friendship then this is what comes with it, but if it were me I would drop them.
I agree with you Dawnregina. They dont make these remarks to help. They do it because it makes them feel good. Smeone with aspergers cannot be advised to change. My best friend has aspergers and can be very difficult at times. But there is no use in telling her that doing this or that is offensive or stretches my patience. She cannot change how she is anymore than I can change how tall I am.
No personal experience of having a partner with AS, but what a lovely post you've written about your angel. Perhaps humour is a good way of everyone coping with your partner's idiosyncracies? Hope he copes OK with it all and throws a little humour back at them all. Keep being happy.
Hope4cure. A person with aspergers will not understand when someone is taking the mickey out of them, or humour in the same way as other people. And the friends do not have to cope with it, they are simply taking the mickey. Most people with aspergers hve no sense of humour and do not understand jokes.
Sometimes actually people do things to try and help! when actually its more of a hindrance and is just to make themselves feel better. My Ex Husband had many issues which pointed to Asperger's but I helped him a lot in many ways.. Now we are Divorced and he lives with our Son who is 27 and he has just bought his own house again. So he is doing okay.. I dont see him because we argue! this saves my sanity.
I can understand that. My friend who has aspergers will start an argument from nowhere. I find it best to change the subject or laugh it off and if she goes on and on about it I have to tell her to shut up. But friends do not always putg up with such things. Most people would walk away and not bother anymore. After all you are divorced and you don't see him because you would argue.
Absolutely Carmel!
I used to feel sorry for my Ex when people were doing that taking the Mick as often they did..me being soft hearted would get upset for him, although he was oblivious almost thick skinned, I feltthier jokest reflected upon me when people played fun.. Something I have felt strongly about I dont like bullies..
Totally agree with you. If I had been you I would have felt they wre taking the micky out of you for being with him. And to me what they were dong was cruel both to you and to him. You should not need to explain it or ask them to stop, they should not be wishing to do it in the first place. When my friend goes on her soap box and starts to lecture me about something or whatever I take control but I never take the mickey out of her, because she cannot help her condition. I have noticed that she can be very naive. She often tries to arrange for people to come over to her place to do jobs such as a plumber to fix a radiator and because she dithers and wants to talk everything through very slowly and carefully and cannot makie simple decisionsd they get fed up with it and dont turn up. She expects them to sit on the phone for an hour sorting out what time to come. While she explains to them that she has her breakfast and feeds the cat etc. People with aspergers are not in tune with their own feelings or other peoples.
Sad really ..people should have more tolerence.. Me being a Nurse made me much more tolerant of things i guess..but I like to think i helped him ..as he helped me with many DIY jobs over the marriage years, was very good at it.. but the Emotional side was not very forthcoming. and left me giving and not getting back..in the end my pot was empty No energy left. Rock Bottom..
Yes it is sad. But people are selfish. They wont hang around if it is not fun or excitement or to suit them. My friend was a nurse and I often wondered how she coped with that because now she cannot cope with making ordinary small decisions and it takes her ages to do a simple thing.
Is this the friend one with Asperger's?