I have suffered from bulimia since 1998. I havn't recieved any medical attention and nobody close to me knows I'm bulimic. I basically stopped purging in 2009 but I did not stop the binging, resulting in a massive weight gain (I now weight 17st!). I don't know what to do; I don't know how to eat normally and I have started to purge again. I am reluctant to go to my doctor as I am embarrased and ashamed. Either way my health is suffering and I feel disgusted in myself. I have no self control!
OH my God, poor you I am so so sorry. You are not weak and it is def not about self control. You must do some research online. You must take action and seek help. You can get on top of it. Visit the sites for bingers and look at the posts. You will feel so much better to be able to talk to people who feel exactly the same. Yours with love Jackie xxxx
Hi - it sounds like you're really struggling and trying to come to terms with what is a difficult eating disorder.
Please know that there is help out there, and please understand that there is nothing to be ashamed about in having an eating disorder or illnesses of a similar fashion.
People do not choose to have a mental health problem, there are multiple reasons why you may end up using this behaviour and for others it is completely genetic.
Jackie mentioned about having a look online. Unfortunately, the internet is very unprotected and can end up being more harmful than helpful.
However, I do recommend charities such as MIND or BEAT as they offer confidential helplines and a wealth of resources and can also sign post you in an appropriate direction.
You mentioned that your health is suffering. Have you considered going to your GP for a check up? If you feel uncomfortable, then talking about your difficulties may not be appropriate then, and it's always a difficult step to take.
You may feel that it's not as bad as you envisaged and that by taking that initial step things become a lot easier.
You could take a friend you trust with you as well; that can make things much easier.
I am under a dietician and therapist currently for my eating disorder, and one of the important aspects for dealing with bulimia is the re-introduction of carbohydrates, a carbohydrate fuelled breakfast and regular meals to avoid spikes in sugar levels.
By denying your body of carbohydrates the sensory system senses it is starved and craves things more. It goes for the easiest foods, because food is a full sensory experience.
Have you thought about doing a mood diary? This can help analyse how you were feeling when you had a binge (and after) but perhaps you were feeling relaxed when you binged, or perhaps there was a need to self soothe after a rubbish day.
Did you feel like you wanted to lose weight but didn't manage this because you ate one of your "bad foods" and so gave up for that day with the view of starting afresh the next day.
Mood diaries are really good with helping this.
As are food diaries, as they help to work out what you are eating, how much you are eating and when you are eating it.
Does that help? I really recommend speaking to your GP, the first step is the hardest it can only get easier.
I used to have that, you need to talk to someone you can trust or the g.p they can help its not easy but try u might be suprised