hi everyone please can someone help! I'm frightened to death I have mnd and feel suicidal. I've posted on here before about this but I have good days and bad days, i but the anxiety is making me physically sick. I have twitches and problems with my throat waiting to see ent, I e been told that I probably suffer with laranxspasm, it's a spasm in your throat that causes it to close up and you cant breath for a few seconds, anything can set it off and it's really terrifying . well I've read that twitches and throat issues can be due to a neurological illness. I also suffer with stiffness, back and hip problems and had to see a physio. she mentioned I had brisk reflexes and said she will need to keep an eye on them, well again this is linked to mnd and as you can imagine sent me into a state of panic. I re booked to go and see her as I was so frightened and needed to tell her my fears. she said I wasnt showing any signs of that and to stop googling as it just intensifies my fears, it wasnt until I got home that I went over the conversation which h I had with her and realised i hadn't asked her what she meant that she had to keep an eye on my reflexes, even though she did say it's quite normal for someone to have brisk relexes. I also realised that when discussing my back issues and me mentioning mnd she said something like its mechanical issues and not showing anything like that at the moment. well she put my mind at rest but since then all I can think about is the fact she said at the moment. now I'm absolutely past myself thinking does she think I'm going to get it in the future because she use the phrase not at the moment or am I overthinking this??? it's amazing how someones words can trigger my health anxiety. I can't live like this anymore x
Hi lisa17089
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts: Where to get help, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you’re going through and will be able to help.
If you are based outside of the UK.
The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.
Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory
Patient
hi Lisa, so sorry to hear about what youre going through. I am not at all familiar with any diagnosis you just named but i can just share my opinion. first thing is to just try to relax, i know it is hard but you dont need to add more stress. secondly, i believe that if the dr felt like your diagnosis was concerning enough they wouldve admitted you possibly or you simply wouldve been given more info. i am terrified of anything being wrong with my heart and while my dr did say i have a slight abnormality with my rhythm, he said my heart is fine. so my heart is fine. i have also gotten second opinions from other drs at different hospitals who have all given me normal test results. so my heart is fine. i have to tell myself that for my own sanity. and let me tell you, unfortunately us mentally illed folk cannot handle googling symptoms so its best we dont. i went three days without showering (took bird baths) because google said some cardiac issue. how freaking crazy is that. im saying all this to say, i dont believe your dr would let you go without giving you necessary info, while you may have a flare up maybe it wont be as bad as you think. also the mind will have you feeling symptoms that arent even there. but if you are that afraid, just go back to the ER or Dr, i have no shame in running to the ER if im not feeling right, my life and sanity is worth more than a medical bill. if you want to talk privately please message me. it will work out, 
thankyou so much for taking the time out of your day to reply to me, overthinking and google are my worst traits. but you made me feel better so again thankyou xx
if you suffer with anxiety that extreme i would recommend citralopram that will help but it will make it worse for the worst week or so but it will benefit you in the long run even if you take a low dosage.. but your doctor is right you shouldnt really relie on google as it always makes things seem 100x worse than what it really is dont feel alone and if you need to talk to someone i will listen
thankyou x
youre most welcome if you ever need a chat im here , x