Hi.
I am at the end of my rope and am not sure where else to turn.
I am experiencing extreme anxiety over the idea that my children (more particularly my oldest) will get sick and die. Not the flu - mostly, it's as though I have a fear that my "intuition" that she is sick is true and we just don't know it yet. It creates havoc in my daily life as every time she mentions a pain, I spiral into what's wrong. She is seven. So if she says she has a headache- it's 100% a brain tumour. If she's itchy- there is NO way that it's not leukaemia. Right now she has a little black spex floating around in her field of vision and I've made an appointment to be assessed because of course I googled it and read that "floaters" are rare in children. She can't be seen for over a week and the receptionist says it doesn't sound serious but I stayed up late night until 2 am picturing going, the dr telling us something is wrong, having to go for an mri, getting diagnosed with a terminal disease, her dying, her funeral, how we'd survive, how guilty and grief stricken we would be, how I would have failed her, how she wouldn't understand why his happened... etc. It gets out of hand quickly and feels VERY real. Even after seeing the eye dr, I'll still feel like they missed something. My husband does t want to hear it anymore.
I have tried meds, councilling and last summer I did eight sessions of bilateral ECT.
It's robbing my life of fun and I find myself pulling away from her so that I don't have to deal with it or feel this much concern/ love for her which is unfair to her. She's also getting my anxiety which is terrible.
I know that just because it's possible doesn't mean it probable but it happens to others - we're not special. She's a bright kid and you always read how it's the special souls who die young.
I'm sorry for rambling. I'm just in a terrible state.
Please, do others have these feelings? I ask my mother if she felt like this and she said no- she just went about life and would deal with tragedy if it ever came up. I can't stand the lack of knowing and control.
Any advice or comfort or suggestions would be great.
Thank you.
I also just want to say that I am acutely aware that there are families actually dealing cancer - I don't mean to sound selfish or ungrateful or insensitive. I just needed to express my fear. My intention is never to offend.
Thanks
Hi. It's clearly awful what you are going through as you have a fear for your children then your anxiety along with it. What meds did you Have?? Is it worth trying something different. I would definitely suggest that you go and see your Dr.
This is basically ocd spectrum thinking and ocd is really responsive to exposure therapy and cbt. I got into this kind of thinking with my dogs and while its not children I completely understand how intense it is!! These are therapies you can do without medication.. so they are an option if you dont like meds. Although you can use meds in conjunction with this too. It takes a while but you can get a handle on it if you commit to the process 
Hi. I'm not on anything at the moment but have tried cipralex, Effexor, prozac, Wellbutrin, pristique , gabbapenatin, celexa and a few more I can remember. Nothing has helped hence the electroconvulsive therapy.
I'm not sure which other meds would be worth trying.
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
It is all kinds of OCD thinking for sure. I don't know how to put a stop to it or even just deal with it. I'll be sitting at work talking to my boss and I'm not even hearing what he's saying. All I can think is "who cares? These reports don't matter - my child might be dying ".
It is exhausting.
Thank you for taking the time to reply and share your story.
That's a lot of different meds. Do you have a Dr you fully trust??? I've had a lot of success with citalopram and had diazepam to help in the early days.
No I don't have a trustworthy doctor. Ativan helps but makes me very tired.
Change Drs if you can. A good trustworthy Dr is vital. Good luck
My son was diagnosed with Epilepsy when he was 5 years old. I ended up having a nervous breakdown that I am still recovering from.
What I learned is the more you worry about your children the less you enjoy the time you have to spend with them. I am now on meds and have done mindfulness, CBT, and talk therapy. CBT was extremely helpful for me. It takes time and it's hard and I struggle some days but I want to get better for my son. I'm sure you feel the same way.
Hi Rebecca
Shortly after starting to read your posting I thought that a change of dr may be beneficial.All those meds you have taken over the years do not appear to have been particularly helpful and I was just wondering if alternatives may be more effective and helpful to you.
Sometimes people with anxiety y, depression can be helped with the talking therapies. CBT, Mindfulness, meditation, yoga, relaxation techniques.
I am concerned that a you were not given an immediate appointment for your child who has floaters.
If you are able or there is a facility for doing so I would see if there is an eye hospital nearby or A and E with paediatric dept and seek their opinion about the floaters.
IMO it is unacceptable to be fobbed off by your surgery.
Sorry I do not mean to cause you any worry but I would ring 111 and ask for an out of hours telephone consultation with a dr. This may help you to relax and reassure you. I think it best to tackle this problem head on.
.
Wow thank you for sharing. I will definitely look into CBT more.
I was worried about enjoying our time less like you say because when I look at her, I see someone I love with everything in me, but I also see all the things that could go wrong and I don't feel lucky enough to squeak by in life with such smart healthy kids.
Thank you again.
It is our family eye doctor. It's only one dot but it's black so I was concerned- now even more so.
Incan only reiterate that this needs sorting out. How long has your daughter had the floater for?
I had black floaters and went to the local eye hospital where I was checked out.
I know, its the cycle of thinking just keeps going and going. So like an exposure therapy would involve you facing your worst case scenarios head on until your mind gets less triggered by it. Once your mind gets less triggered, you have less anxiety, then the thoughts happen less, then you have even less anxiety and on and on. Its a slow process, but it works!
Do you have any support from other mums?
Have u heard of mumsnet?
She is your everything and you are scared of losing her. That's how I did and do feel about my son. Every parent worries but you are excessively worrying, which is the same way I was (am sometimes). Please look into a CBT therapist and also go on line and look for self help exercises. They don't work right away but over time they will.
She says she's seen one for as long as she can remember.