Hi everyone, I have posted here a few times now and have received some helpful replies. I've also answered a few people's forums too as I hope that I can also be of help.
It's kinda strangely reassuring to know that I'm not alone on all of this (anxiety and panic attacks) I didn't realise just how many people go through this awful nightmare.
I've had a lot of stress recently - lost my job due to anxiety and then anxiety increased because that meant financial problems, I've recently moved into my own place so now have rent & bills to pay etc. So I took on way too much at once and then I lost my income and everything else fell apart.
Anyway, I'm trying my best to deal with the panic attacks. They can come on at any time and very unexpected. More common at nicht though. I used to do my best to fight them but that made them worse. Now I have learnt to accept them, do my best to focus on my breathing, make myself comfortable, play music and wait for them to pass. Sometimes they last for a few hours, sometimes they last 5 mins. The ones that last longer i struggle to hold it together but I'm still here. I feel that I'm doing better than I was. At least a little and I'm not taking medication anymore. Citalopram disagreed with me and made me 100x worse & I have taken mirtazapine once and I didn't like it. My life is completely out of my control and taking something that sedated me makes me feel even more out of control, plus it's nearly Xmas and i don't want to become a zombie.
Wow I have typed a lot. my point here is that I seem to experience new symptoms every day. I have major health anxiety, I panic about my health. When I have panic attacks the symptoms make me fear that I'm making a stroke or heart attack. But I'm getting to grips with that now. But I just mean in general day to day, I experience pains in my legs, pains in my mouth, pains in my head, restless legs, painful hands, shooting pains and once I've freaked out about a symptom and convince myself it is a symptom of anxiety - another symptom appears and it's just never ending. Chest tightness is the worst for me. I get it during the day but i tend to hyperventilate for no apparent reason during the day.
I've also started feeling like I'm not here and feel detached from the world, when I look at myself in the mirror it is like Someone else is staring back at me. I can deal with that though, I just tryy best to go to sleep and I usually feel better in the morning.
Anyway I'm done with my rant / vent. I feel that posting here and getting my thoughts out there helps. Thanks so much if you actually read all of this. Anxiety / depression and panic attacks are just awful but we just can't let it take over. We have to fight it! Xx