Hi, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this. I have only just registered to this website. What lead me here? No idea...Maybe I have had enough of panic attacks and feeling sad most of the time.
It all started when I was on holiday with my parents and we had been walking the whole day. At night, we went and had a huge variety of food and that's when it all started...I started shaking, feeling nauseous, cold and dizzy as I had eaten perhaps too much. I had never experienced such an intense feeling at that time and I had to ask my mum to come to the toilet quickly so I could vomit. I was panicking and I started vomiting uncontrollably...After that I was shaking and feeling so weak and powerless, both physically and mentally...
Now, fast forward to this point, I am now 23. I was about 12-13 back then. I can never get past that time when that had happened to me and everytime I go to restaurants, I barely eat much in fear of having a panic attack. This does not happen just at restaurants...it can happen at any time and it is mostly while/after having food. I have read that the body is at its weakest state when it takes food. Not sure what that even means. Is there anyone experiencing the same thing? It would really help me if I could get some advice on this as I am struggling at the moment...I feel so envious of people who can eat a lot in one go. I just eat frequent small portions but I wish I could eat more, as I am underweight and having to grow up with people constantly telling me that I am very skinny does not help me at all.
I should also note that I am in a foreign country and I do not have my parents alongside me and this causes me even more stress and anxiety. I have to make it by myself, basically, as I have my own job and make my own money and living in such an expensive city does not help. This was by choice but I am finding it difficult to cope even though I like being here.
I just feel like there are too many things going on at the same time causing me to stress. If you don't think these are a lot to stress about, I should also mention that my boyfriend whom I have been with for 7 months is moving away to another city and obviously the fear of him cheating is growing and growing even though he reassures me he is not interested in anyone else...Since we are on the boyfriend topic, I was diagnosed with HPV recently and I am still trying to cope with the fact that I have this and it will stay with me forever...I sometime panic about this as my brain cannot seem to accept this...I feel quite depressed as I don't feel normal anymore, like I should not be touched at all...(I've only had two sexual partners in my life btw.)
I am going to try to keep it short as I have more things going on. In summary, it would be really helpful if you could give me a piece of advice and help a lost soul. Thanks 