Others would say as an academic I am problem solver. I've spent around half of my adult-male life forcing myself to find answers to the the mental illness that his ripped my life into pieces. Did I take too many drugs? Did I perform badly at work? Perhaps treated badly by my parents? But the more we waste looking time for the problem, we are no longer problem solving, we are creating justifications. It's been well documented that those who try to seek what they have done incorrectly, could eventually elude themselves into believing they have. I didn't take too many drugs. My grades were ok. And my parents aways let me get on with my life. My problem is fortunately just one main one: Mental Health. People around me may say I have an easy life, and I definitely do!, on paper it's really easy actually! But for most people right now, who are feeling levels of low mood generally, PLUS are being exposed to Psychosis. I can only read of in the past. I never feel depressed, or at least claim to have not, but I worry about those that do and also go on to tackle these 'tug-of-war' episodes of reality. The only advice I can give is routine, mine is my GP, even if it's once a month.
And if you can’t reach out to your GP. Reach out to anyone, a stranger that might may know a medical professional. Or even me.
All of the issues you mentioned are definetly NOT your fault! EVERYONE is wired differently from birth. there may even be a heriditary factor involved. its great you have your GP for support. 
Hey! Such an interesting post! Of course, you are going to question what and why you are suffering “mental illness”. I’m sure most people do. At least, I do. It’s only natural, isn’t it? Yes, justification! Almost to suggest that finding the “reason or cause”, could or would make a difference. But, would it? Yes and no, I think. Yes, it may help to put things into perspective, but no, it ain’t no magic wand! Still feel the same-depressed and anxious. Sometimes there’s an obvious reason, other times, no reason or “trigger”. I feel that would be so much harder to deal with. The first thing, I would think is: “I shouldn’t be feeling like this.” Basically, it’s a completely, negative, unhelpful thought to have. But, of course, this is exactly how the depressed mind, operates. Its like “hitting” the psychological, destruct button! Negative ruminations, feed the depression. And depression feed and encourage more and more self-defeating, thought, ideas, and all the other associated symptoms. Just because you’ve had a better life than your “fellow sufferer”. Just because he/she has a “reason” for their depression- and you have not. You are equally entitled to the same compassion. All men, are equal! You, and the way you feel is as important as the next man. Great post honey!Message me anytime. DONNA XXX