Paranoia Anxiety or Dysphoric Mania .... PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Mental health
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SO I have posted here a few times. However after seeing my GP numerous times, going to CBT for about a month, seeing my OBGYN, and a psychiatrist NUMEROUS times...... I am COMPLETELY confused......and I was just wondering if people who have actually experienced these things could give me some insight.

Back in January I had my first panic attack ever. I was exactly one month before turning 29. I have always been an upbeat and outgoing person, very athletic. However I have been married twice, three times now I just got married in May to my 3rd husband....who is by far the best man ever for me. My first 2 marriages was fussing and arguing all the time, immature men, that I thought I had in me to change, who both ended up cheating on me after a year of arguing...... I often ask myself did we argue because of my moods or were they just not the right ones for me and I should of never married either of them.......

Anyways after my panic attack I became very paranoid, I sometimes would have an anxiety attack and feel the need to just get up and do anything to get my mind off things....Which would sometimes make it worse..... USUALLY if I just laid down and take deep breaths I would go back to "normal" state within 30 minutes or so....Sometimes though it would take about 3 hours to get back to normal. My GP said it was severe anxiety and depression as at the time I had been laid off from my job where I was making good money, I then started worrying about my boyfriend leaving me ( which he didn't we are married now) I was worrying about money as I had just moved into my own house by myself just a few months prior......which all made sense to me. She prescribed me Lexapro. I only took one, and it gave me a huge panic attack.... a lot worse than what I had been experiencing..... I took it at night and when I woke up the next morning, I felt really jittery, nervous, paranoid, and scared. I went to the gym then went to church, and finally after all day I started feeling better. I went on a cruise the following day and felt pretty good for the most part, and even the week after the cruise I "felt" better but all I could think about was what was happening to me and why. My GP prescribed me klonopin that took FOREVER to kick in and work then when I went to sleep, again I woke up feeling paranoid, jittery, nervous.....all the works. She then referred me to a psychiatrist who within the first 30 minutes suggested that I was bipolar.....manic depressed........ I blew it off. Nobody in my family suffers from bipolar nor have I ever even thought I was. I mentioned it to my mom and she laughed she don't think I am either.....but then after 7 months..... I still have anxiety I average about 2 panic attacks a month....My OBGYN thinks it is hormonal related.....My OBGYN wants me to take Zoloft, my psychiatrist wants me to try lexapro.....(Not both obviously) 

My point is I am scared to take either because of how the lexapro made me feel the first time and my new fear is "What if I am bipolar" and I spiral into another episode. I recently just started a new job and CANNOT lose it as my husband and I are in the process of building a house and I am making really good money where I am at and I LOVE my job. 

My question is could all the paranoia and bad thoughts and frequent "bursts of energy" but out of fear be "just" anxiety and panic causing paranoia or was it dysphoric mania and I need to go a different route with medications???

I have been all over the place the last 7 months....however the last 3 weeks or so I have not been irritable, no paranoia, more relaxed, sleeping a lot better....but still have anxiety and the occasional panic attack...... Was I manic then or am I learning to deal with my anxiety better...... I AM SOOO CONFUSED and don't know what to do!!!!!!! My psychiatrist thinks this is my OCD kicking in..... Fearing manic and now thinking I had every symptom....but I did didn't I? or was it "just" anxiety....

PLEASE HELPPPPP!!!!!!!

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Well, I am no doctor. I don't know about your psychiatrist saying you are bipolar. I don't know that I have ever heard of a psychiatrist giving a diagnosis. I always assumed that was something a psychologist handled. But, not having anyone in your family with bipolar doesn't always mean you can't be bipolar. At the same time, I know anxiety can really get your mind running and give you bursts of energy. If you are seeing a psychiatrist, then why aren't you also seeing a counselor to help with the panic attacks? A therapist can test you to give you a firm diagnosis to put your mind at ease and also help you to manage your attacks. 

As for the Lexapro, I am not so certain that the reaction you had was the medication. You mentioned that you were having a really hard time when you were given the medication to try. You might have just had a panic attack (and a doozy of one too). However, I think your mind is now set that Lexapro will make you have a bad reaction, so if I were you, I would maybe ask to take something else. I am surprised that Klonipin took so long to work, that is typically an emergency panic attack med. Did you get no relief initially with the medication? 

Sorry, this response is rambling, I just wanted to address everything you mentioned. In my experience, my anxieties are largely driven by my hormones. Every month in the week before my period, I will have higher anxiety levels. Over time I learned to expect it and plan to combat it. Try to remember when you have a panic attack that your body is likely responding to your hormone levels. Hopefully that will help you to remain calm.

 

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The klonopin actually made what thoughts I were having race initially. I guess after about 30-45 minutes my thoughts were more at ease and I went to sleep, but again when I woke up it was the same reaction I had with the lexapro. Nervous and jittery, paranoid, and scared. 

My psychiatrist has sense then said she don't think it is bipolar, however she for whatever reason thought I was at one time. And she keeps making these comments like the lexapro won't be the only medicine I take it'll be a series of things. She talks in circles. Everybody says she's the best around here, I just don't know.  But I analyze everything!!! Every thought and feeling I have! It's awful. 

I did go to a counselor for the panic attacks. I went for about 2 months. I still have them I just manage them a lot better than I used to. And again I don't get paranoid and all like I did when I was having them all the time