My partner who suffers with anxiety issues is currently going through a very bad spell of attacks. We have had a bit of a disagreement, nothing major in my opinion, which has resulted in him suddently cutting me out of his life altogether. I was hoping that someone could try and clear this up for me, is it something that we will eventually be able to talk about or is it easier for sufferers to cut off contact completely to avoid any further conflict?
Anxiety is all consuming and exhausting. It makes you not be able to "love" or care for others. It is debilitating, and having to explain it, go places, hang with other people, be around people is really tough.
You're amazing to look into anxiety for someone you love.
I would send him a text telling him that you'll always have his back and that it's OK to rest, meditate, and just take care of him for awhile.
Be sure he is checked on and is eating and drinking water.
Tell him you get it and that you're here for him
Thank you so much for your reply. I really am at a loss. I've always supported him for the time we've been together, he would say how much it helped knowing I was there for him, but I have sent him messages saying I am here if he changed his mind and wants to talk to me but he just blanking me. I appreciate he feels he needs time away from me following our disagreement (which was actually a misundertsanding but he won't listen to my apologies). It's just so hurtful because a week ago, we were our usual normal happy selves and this has happened so suddently. He knows the door is always open for him though.
Your partner is going thru complete hell. Survival over rides relationships.
It is a horrid disorder where your body feels in complete turmoil and your mind is very scared. Your partner needs to work it thru and get therapy and whatever needed to regroup. You are not on the same page right now, or in the same book, you can try, if you really are willing to make a committment, to send a text or a letter explaining you would like to be supportive and help in any way possible, please get him or her into therapy asap.If your partner lives alone maybe contact the family and let them know whats going on in terms of your partners state of mind, it really can be debiliating and it is like theres no way to attain solace or refuge from it without proper guidance and help. Its also very common oddly. 25% of the globe experience anxiety disorders on some level. And the numbers go up yearly. So it a common horrible thing basically,
im temoted to say go and buy your partner an anxiety and phobia workbook and place a rose on it and leave by the front door then text and let him or her know it there. And maybe write a letter and place it inside. But please be very kind in the letter. This is a horrible experience your partner is having, if your oartner is a femals you can leave a teddy bear with it, that should help. But therpay is needed and probably a trip to the gp/dr. It is manageable with proper therapy and such but takes time.
Good luck
Oh i see he is a guy. Still get the workbook and leave it by the door maybe with some yummy food. Hang in there
Thank you. Up until last week he would open up to me and we would talk things through and he knew I'd always be there for him. We had so many future plans together but I guess I need to hope and pray that he can get some help. There seems to be an enormous barrier between us now but hopefully he will be able to open up again to me one day.
There is also a tremendous amount of guilt a partner faces when having anxieties. I still carry the guilt as my husband has gone through so much. Because I'm limited to what I can do, it limits him as well. I think that is the most heartbreaking for someone with anxieties in a relationship. And the guilt makes the anxieties worse. I stayed with my parents for a month because I thought he needed a break. Just keep reminding him/her that you care, they are not a nuisance, and you want to help. Its really all you can do. But as mentioned in an earlier response, reach out to the family. Anxiety often brings on depression and it can be rather severe. They are fortunate to have someone as caring as you. I do wish you both the best.
It isnt you love. He is going thru hell. I dont have words to clearly explain it. Its awful. Your mind isnt rational because its all anxious and body has a ton of weird symptoms that are exhausting and scary and all you want to do is live and enjoy life but it becomes a battle. He cant give you himself right now, he is barely there for himself.but im sure he could use a friend. Talking about the future is the worst thing for someone with anxiety they cant committ to anyone or anything until they get it managed. You keep thinking from your rational mind who wants to love him up..and thats sweet but he isnt in a good place.
Sorry to jump in on your thread Bex but Ive been going through a semi similar situation. My bf who suffers from severe anxiety broke up with me abruptly one morning after a very minor dispute the day before. We were together for 2 years, living together, talks of children and being together forever in a nutshell.. Then BOOM! He comes home from work one day and says "i need to be alone, i cant be with you anymore". We just passed the 9 month mark and it has been a lot of hell of sadness, anger and resent on my end and even some cruelty on his(i believe mostly because he wants me to hate him and just go away). I can listen to a million friends tell me Im better off and dont need to deal with this and deserve better and sure, in my head I know this but in my heart I dont. My question for those who suffer or have been in similar situations/relationships, Im just wondering if the one suffering with anxiety ever comes back around? Im not assuming in my situation he will because of all the damage done since breakup but do you know if the love ever comes back or if its gone after its washed and start from scratch again. I saw him for the first time in about a month last night to pick up things still stored in his garage and some mail and I asked him flat out "Do you still love me?" and he responded after a long pause with "I care about you... I dont know what level of love you are asking" ...basically saying he's not in love with me. It's pretty harsh but I just wanted to know where he was at mentally after all this time. Any responses are appreciated because after 9 months of constant depression, sadness and confusion, I dont know what else to do and I cant seem to find much online that answers if relationships ever work out after anxiety based breakups
Thanks everyone for your replies, it does help being able to speak to people who have been in that position. I can only do so much and say so much to convince him that I'm there for him because he refuses to acknowledge any contact from me , the last contact I made with him a few days ago was to say I'm here for him if he wants to talk. I feel like he despises me for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, but I think that's more my perspective of it than his. I know I just need to wait and hope that he does come round but I'm just so worried about him.
Please do not take it too personally your husband's reaction to you. He is not well and its the anxiety talking. I know because i am going through bad anxiety attacks myself at the moment I am so focussed trying to get better I just want to be on my own and finding it hard to talk to my husband and family. It makes you feel weak and a feeling of constant dread. If he can go to his Dr when he feels up to it even for a talk, if he is anti-medication. Hope you can stay strong and be there for him when he is well again you are doing an amazing job.
Thank you so much for your reassurances. I can see it a little more clearly now but at the risk of sounding selfish it hurts me to know that he no longer feels he can speak to me. I'm carrying a lot of guilt at the moment because if I had been more tactful wirh him, we would probably still be talking through this together. I know I have to accept the fact that I need to let him deal with this in his own way but I've made sure he knows I'm here for him if he needs me.
He has a disorder. On no level is this your doing nor was there anything you could know to do to remove his disorder mentally or in any way. You are sensitive to it, too bad he isnt able to sense that. Have you tried my suggestion! An anxiety and phobia workbook with an enclosed letter ecplaining how you feel and such? I wish you wouldnt feel guilty. Theres nothing you did at all. This issues is his not yours. And you really seem empathetic. Love even if you yelled at him it still isnt anything you did, he is a bad place dont let that become a you issue. Coming from a person who,is very experienced with all thus, sadly i just tell you this isnt your fault. I dont know your age or his age if you are still living with your parents allow his parents to care for him. If you are older then that then id say be a little more pushy in that you drive your point across you want to help. But no guarantees.