Hallo ! 1st I want to apologies for my English , because it is not my main language. Few details for me before starting my story to avoid some of the questions you may have. I m 25old male , ex-sport , never even tried drugs or smoking in my life , not big fan of alcohol – 1-2 beers or glasses of wine per week , sometimes even less. So there is how everything started…. It was a year ago when I injured my knee during soccer. It was torn knee ligament (ACL) so I had surgery in the beginning of October 2017. At start everything was ok , did rehabs and all and had monthly exams with my surgeon who assured me that everything is going good. But few months passed by and at the middle of January 2018 I still had no full extension on my leg. Then I started to read online and saw that people who are recovering from surgery like mine was even running at this point of rehab and I couldn’t even walk normal and was in pain all the time when I try to extend. Then I started to work even harder for extension , but 0 results. Two weeks after I stopped rehab , because I pushed it too far for these days and started to hurt. After 1 more week I started to have this pain in the opposite side of my body (my surgery was on the right knee , I started to feel pain on the left , because for these 4 moths I could walk normally and putted all the pressure on the left foot) , it was hurting my lower back , the upper side of my hip and my back , so I started to read even more and I found things that said my situation with the knee is irreversible no matter what and I thought I was going to be like this forever (no true at all , but I m a little hypochondriac so I always think for the worst) . So I couldn’t sleep well few nights ,because of the worries I had , staring to tread my back and lower back with some medicine and it went little bit better , but the pain into the upper side of the hip was still there and still is 5 months later , but now I will be better thanks to one miracle maker , but I will tell you about him later. Then I started masturbating a lot before I go to sleep(it was the only thing that was giving me peace and kept my mind of the problems). I had 2 more weeks before I go to my doctor and they were fatal for me , because if I could go there sooner he was going to comfort me and tell me the truth that my situation is not that as I thought it is (not that is good but still..). i was masturbating from 12 – 1 till the morning 5-6-7 a clock and I was ejaculating only 1 time – at the end (I thought this is the reason for my problem , that this is bad and damaged my penis, but may be not true- you will say that..) , then I slept until 14:00 or 15:00 afternoon. And the worries was staring again.. it was around February 15 2018 when I started to feel burning and needles in my inner thigh , first on the right leg and after on the both legs. I thought is something because of the knee , because I overpushed it in rehab and started to worry even more. My parents was trying to comfort me every day , they told me this burning could be from nerves. So after 5-6 days of that one night around 22:00 I touched my penis and it was cold , and I know this is not normal I got worrier as fk , because this is the most important part of my body. Then I looked at it was shrink and the color of the skin of the penis and ballsack was darker. So I thought I damaged it some way in masturbating too much time and my penis is dead.. I touched the head of my penis but it was not sensitive like it use to be. I freak out , so I putted on some porn and tried to jerk off , it was more difficult to have and erection and it was not on 100% full , also I did not had pleasure from it , I ejaculate after few minutes but still not pleasure from it and not throwing the sperm that far away like it use to do it. I couldn’t sleep all night. My nightmare began . Few days after I went to a doctor (neurologist) I told him about my situation and he prescribed me pills (some herbal pills with Lemon balm (Melissa officinalis) , nothing strong) and he told me than when I stop worry everything will go away. I was taking them for 2 weeks but it was all the same. Sometimes even my hand was feeling cold and numb. Then I went to MRI and showed that I need another surgery on the knee and planed it for 1 month after. After the surgery started rehabs again but I still had and have this problems with sleep and pain and discomfort in the knee and upper hip and penis problem. At the end of April 2018 I finally decided to go to urologist . I have been told that she is the best in the city . She looked at it I told her almost every of my symptoms and she told me to do blood exam for testosterone. I did and in the next day she told me that its in little above the minimum and she cant prescribe me medicine for testosterone (it was 14.07 nmol/L ref:8.64 – 29.00) . she told me to stop think bad things and that she will send me to psychiatrist and did not even wanted to listen that my penis or balls are cold , and she said its normal color of the skin of my penis , but I know how it use to look like I was looking at it every day.. she did me also echography on the bladder and kidneys and they showed allright. Now it’s the end of July 2018 and I m still with all my problems , knee is a little bit better hip also , but situation with penis the same. From few months back I think that if I do not get fully recover from my penis problem after 1 or 2 years I will go for euthanasia or suicide and even told it to my parents. I m too proud to live like this and I don’t want to live without my normal penis. I use to be super potent – when I touch it or just see pretty girl and it was rock solid. Also I cant do sports , no more soccer , maybe after few years I will be better with my other problems but still.. you never know. I went to this healer few days ago and he told me that I have dislocated nerve – Sciatic , because of the wrong walking pose during the first 4-5 moths after my ACL surgery. Now I feel little bit better and walking better thanks to this guy who moved my nerve to the right place . It has been a year now since the last time I had sex(it was just a while before my surgery , after that I focused on my recovery).. there are all the problems of my penis in one sentence – darker skin of penis and testicles ; don’t have good sensitivity esp. on the penis head ( im not circumcised); the head of my penis looks and feels very dry ; my erection its not very good and it goes away pretty fast( its goes softer) and the head of my penis is getting like wrinkled and on like fringe; I notice that my testicles are a bit smaller(I m not very sure about that but still..) ; if I cum 2 times today on the next day I have little pain in my testicles when I touch them ; my penis and testicles are cold(I know they have to be warm all the time, I know it has not to be the same temperature as the body , but when I say I cold I mean cold , and my hands and feet are not cold I have normal blood pressure ); when this problem started I had this pain for a 10 -15 days – when i press the spot above my penis it hurts , sometimes now it happends too ; I feel different when I have to urinate , I mean I don’t feel it that urgent like before , also my asshole is not that sensitive and I feel that when I m in WC doing number 2.. so this zone asshole penis has less sensitivity ; when ejaculate I feel like I cant get out all the sperm I don’t know why , like my muscle is down under penis is not working normally .
I think this is all for the penis problem I can think of. 20 days ago I was to neurologist again and he prescribed me pills for better sleep and this herb (Tribulus terrestris) which I take since 3 days now. So I know depression and not good sleep(3-4-5 hours per day ), I have not had good sleep from the beginning of February (5 months) , could be the reason for my penis problem , but still I wonder about this too much masturbating thing.. my question is - can my penis return to the way he use to be at 100% , can the masturbation be the reason for my problem , what should I do, I was a lot more worried before now I m more calm than before few months but still have problems . I m very proud man and I hate the way im living now, and I don’t wont to be like this all my life – without normal penis function and sleep so after 1 -2 years if its not healed … it will be the end of my life and I m not out of my mind , not on some drugs who have affection on your thinking or something.
I know this is long and hard to read , but I will be glad if someone can help J Thank you for reading !