Well, hello. I kind of myself know what I should do, but can never bring myself to do it, at least not in a consistent manner, so maybe you have some suggestions, something that has helped you, for example-or if you know it has helped someone else. Not sure where to start, so I'll start with my childhood. I have an older sister, who is rather an introvert, very logical and was always into books and literature, movies and games..yeah, so generally everything that makes you smart. She had cool friends. My parents too are educated. Me, on the other siide...as I was a child I grew up with my smart sister and got used to the joking and stuff. I was always very stupid tho, very unflexible. I always followed my sister around and was annoying to her. I never recall really..any clear feelings as I was a child..hell, i don't even remember nearly any feelings...or thoughts. So I feel very inadequate and empty, especially when I look into my past. And so as I walked around with my sister and her friends and generally simply was there and did what she did..Like, she'd watch sth on english and I too would, I never really had to make any decisions in my life, you see..I never also learned to have any friends. But you see..even as I was there with my sister..I never felt really there..I've noticed, after like 2 years of having problems and kind of observing myself (unsuccessfully..and really, I think like SUPER slowly) that I am generally very unaware of my surroundings and not really interested. And now we are coming to my problem-I am stupid. But, on the other side, I feel helpless. Now, but let me tell you why I am, because I've come to realise there is a reason about Everything in this life, so after looking a long time at the possible reasons...Well, my mother always helped me, you see, with studying as I was a child. I never really had to learn to ask the teacher or my classmates, because mom would be there, right? So I became a mute girl, kind of. Btw, I'm 16 now, strugging with high school in a different country, since we moved last year, germany, to be precise, and since my mom still is there (but haha, not my dear old sister, who studies now abroad game developing..well, she did, as you can see, something in life..but what about her stupid little sister? Well, she feels hopeless and helpless so asks random people on the internet. Let's hope it helps..somehow) since my mom still is here..she kind of pushes me still a bit..But here is the problem why I feel so helpless-I can't get motivated. On top of that, I am pretty negative, and well, stupid and undeveloped, as you can see, so it feels impossible for me to do anything. But let me also explain to you why-I have ALWAYS given up, about anything..brushing my teeth regularly? Naah. Exersising? Nope, just a week here and then 5 months nothing. Trying to be polite? Ok, 2 days and then nothing. It's like I can never motivate myself and after trying..well, not A LOT of times, but eh, I can say that I simply lose..focus of my goal, but then, even when I try and force myself to think about it AGAIN..I just don't care anymore. And want to die.(Ok, the dying part only since about a year now, and while some may say I have depression, I don't honestly think so. I elieve I am nothing that could POTENTIALLY develop into something, but never would because of stupidity and inconsistency..And then I feel disconnected from everyone and everything and feel like killing myself..that's that, but I don't feel like that ALL the time, perhaps on average, like a few hours a day and even that with breaks. I still laugh tho, I enjoy doing stuff. So you see, I am not depressed. In order to be depressed, I believe, one ought to have higher mental abilities up there, AND btw,someone may see now what I am writing and say I am smart because I have realised it. No. It took me TONS of time, you've no idea. I have rehersed this nearly every day for about a year now. So no, I am not smart. ) And this is the problem as I see it now. Things have been always done for me, by my sister or mother and I have also refused to learn due to..idk, being not smart, so I never learned stuff like focus or motivation, social skills, etc. Btw, I forget really A LOT, can't organise myself much, buy food and things impulsively, don't think about the concequences of sth and act stupidly, am not interested in knowledge (i guess older info is absend and i also remember awfully) , don't really have ANY meaningful relationships, feel empty kind of sometimes and like dying, but then again, am positive at some other times of theday, but can NEVER do anything like a new habbit for more than 3 days on average. Ah, self-discipline. And now it all feels so hopeless because there are so many stuff to do and decide and you have to be self-motivated and have grit, and and and...Any ideas? Or am I perhaps a little retarded or sth? Since I've also thought about that...
You are not stupid. A lot of kids mothers, sisters, and whomever do so much to help they don't realize how they are actually hendering a person from learning the things they need to know. A lot of people think it's just easier to do this myself then show you how. Now days kids depend on electronics so much they don't learn social skills or common sense. You are a totally different person than anyne else and you must realize that you have to be you. Talk to your mother about how you feel and let her really help. Explain clealy your feelings and needs. You can't feel inferior to your sister and just sit down and cry about it. Pehaps theapy or extra help in school for awhile. You need to try and be positive because if you keep tinking like you do now at 16, where will you be at 25. Just reaching out here shows you desire to be different and tired of hiding from life. Read , watch others, get involved in the things you enjoy and keep going forward. It's will get better but you have to do it. Nobody can do this but you, care enough to look to the future with positivity and belief that you can. Stop the stupid thoughts and ending your life. You are better and deserve more than you think. God bless you and I know you will make a great future for yourself.
Hi well you write very well and have a good level of understanding about yourself, so you come across as very far from stupid! The first thing to do is stop calling yourself names like that. You are very different from your sister - not better or worse just different. Never try and copy others, the best gift you can give to yourself and your loved ones is to be happy. You are unique like all of us and you need to be the best version of you that you can be.
Do you have a counsellor at school/college? If so go and have a chat with them. Feeling suicidal is a red flag so please nip this in the bud as soon as possible. Can you talk to your parents/sister or other loved ones? I am sure they would be horrified by how you are feeling and want to help you.
Part of this could be trying to find yourself which is very common in your teenage years. You will find as time goes by you will develop more as a person and 'grow' into yourself.
Incidentally my youngest sister is the cleverest, prettiest, most popular of my sisters and my mothers favourite. I am nothing like her and would have got a real complex I am sure if I didn't have other sisters whom I was compared favourably with. x
Give yourself a break you really are beating yourself up about not being smart. You are very self conscious which is natural at your age and will change over time.
l also have an older sister who is much more inelegant than me she has masters degree's in maths and science and is very successful and I work on a building site and would struggle to write this without spellcheck haha, so I understand your problems completely.
I am 38 and promise you that it WILL get better, you don't need to be super intelligent to have a happy and full life. "So what" if your not as intelligent as others, you are obviously a very sensitive and caring person and have lots of great qualities and if people don't want to be your friend then that's their problem, stuff em, you can always come on here and chat to us odd lot lol, we are all friends so now you do have friends which is proof that life can change for the better in a moment so keep smiling 😊