I'm struggling big time with the worst symptoms of perimenopause and what is worrying me most is how to hold onto my job.
I know my performance is down and as I work with all men, I feel unable to talk about it to them.
I starting to think I need to give up work until this is over. Besides the money, I also worry I won't be able to get back into the work force if I take time off.
Plus people just think you're a nut case and it's not perimenopause.
How do people manage to maintain their job when going through this hell????
First, I'm sorry. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I don't know how you do it with a full time job. Can you take some sort of disability? I'm in the states, frankly I'm not even sure how that would work here. But I do know how you feel & I commend you for being able to hold out this long. I wish you the very best of luck. We're going to get through this.
This is so heart - wrenching.
Worst part is we dont even know how long this is going to go on. Even if one takes leave, for how long and will the work place wait for us to get back ? Will they reinstate us in the same place and position ?
This also the reason why many are taking HRT- ive read many posts where the ladies say they will take HRT only till retirement.
Isnt there a post in your office with same pay but less responsibility ? These offices should recognise our condition and allow work from home facility or time flexibility.
Ultimately we have to stoop to conquor.
I'm not liking how my personality is changing. I don't want the doctors to dismiss me as just depressed and give me meds but perhaps I am. It is depressing to feel so unstable, to feel weak and to be physically sick nearly every day. And who wouldn't be thrilled to have lost all of this weight? But to have lost it like this is just miserable. I can count six proper meals I've eaten in the last year. And kept down. I'm sorry, I'm venting. I've got a 13 year old daughter who I feel like I'm failing. I can't take her shopping for her big school dance next month. I'm missing out on her life and she needs her mom.
molly, ill just say what ive heard other ladies say to me many times - be kind to yourself....be calm
You poor thing. There is no way I could work and cope with this awful nightmare so well done you for holding a job down. Can you at least take some time off sick and give yourself a break? You must be amazingly strong to continue like this so take some comfort from that. I barely leave my duvet these days.
Molly, everyone has times in their life when they need to let other people take some of the load. Our kids are more resilient than we think and it can be good for them to take on more responsibility for themselves.
My son is 14 and I feel like you, like I'm letting him down. But maybe we have been doing too much for them and now we need to let them help us.
No one will ever escape the need to ask others for help, it happens to everyone. I think we just need to accept that we need help.
Hi Molly, I also have a 13 yr old daughter,I often feel guilty because I always feel so ill,I have trouble with inner ear so I never know what symptoms belong to which condition.You can still have fun with your daughter,just in different ways, me and my daughter shop on the Internet,I get hairdressers and beautitions to come to the house.you can have afternoons where you both chill and watch a movie.To be honest my daughter wants to be with her friends or have sleepovers at home,she is a very independent girl.Kids are so good at adapting to situations,Knowing that they are loved and supported is sometimes all they really need.Try not to beat yourself up about what you can't do,it will just make all your symptoms worse.Take care x
I commend you for being able to hold down working. I know how you feel. I resigned from job two months ago because I could not take it anymore. I missed so many days from either not going to work or going and leaving early. I would get all the way there and panic in the parking lot and go home. I didn't have any leave options, but look into some sort of short term disability. It's been a few months for me and now im job searching again and it is a little tough but I really needed to take care of myself. Life wasn't going to hold off for me to feel better and I needed to be the best me I could for my 11 year old daughter. I'm not 100 percent but im not as bad as I was. I've lost tons of weight and I was worried about it at first, but now im adjusting to the changed eating habits realizing that I can't eat all the things I used too so I go with it and try to see the beauty in the weight loss. I listen to my body more and when I need to lye down, I do. When im hungry, I eat and when im not I don't, I just make sure I stay hydrated or eat soup or something gentle I can keep down. I have tons of symptoms that im learning ways to deal with and embrace the rare days that I do feel somewhat normal. Doctors aren't a help because they think nothing is wrong so I have to help myself and learning to allow others to help including my kids. Don't be hard on yourself and I know it's easier said than done but you have to know that it's our body's natural change and it's going to happen wether we want it to or not, so be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel the way you do, rest when you can, eat clean when you feel up to it, drink plenty of water, vent here whenever you need to and be kind to yourself. There is no overnight miracle fix, but know that it doesn't stay horrible forever either. We are here for each other and will get through it.
Fiona, I know exactly how you feel. I'm in an office with mostly men, and a male supervisor. I'm not close enough with any of the women in the group to talk with them about this, and they are all younger than me... in fact, at 45, I'm the oldest employee in our office. But I am also my sole support. It is day to day, and when I'm really not feeling well, as is happening today, it's minute to minute. Wish I could find a less intense work situation with more understanding people. I'm looking!
Thank you. I know I'm doing my best. I know my daughter understands I'm not myself. It's the age old mom guilt. I want to shop with her, I want to go to her field hockey games, but I do not want to throw up in the mall or on the sidelines and scare or humiliate her. But you're right there are other things we can do together. That's what I have to focus on. I'm just so relieved I found this forum and I'm not alone or crazy.
You re right, this forum is great,I love the fact we can all share our worries,I would give anything to go shopping,it's crazy I used to work in shops,now I can hardly step inside one.I just keep reminding myself it's just a blip for now,then we can get back to normal and start enjoying our families.x
My heart aches for you!!!
Get on HRT. I was miserable for many years. I started peri menopause at 41, I am now 53!!
I suffered all those years until last year I started HRT. I just couldn't do it anymore on my own. Plus I have two great kids to think about.
I know where you are, but only you can do this for yourself.
Best Wishes God Bless
Maggie xo
You're right. This will pass and we'll get back to some sort of normalcy. Hang in their friend. You're not alone.
I'm so sorry about your feelings but your story seems to be the story of my life. I have in this situation for the last 3 years, my symptoms tend to change from worse to better... The cycle seems not to have an end. I have been out of the job for nine months after fibroids surgery but I am thinking of going back coz the idea of only doing house chores and no pushing responsibility is also driving me crazy.
I would advice you to change to a less challenging position at work but not to quit completely.... The busy mode at work helps the mind to remain sane. Hang there dear, this symptoms aren't an easy walk in a park.
wishing you all the best!
Fiona Hi
I was like this a month ago and i really felt scared that my menopausal symptoms were going to render me useless. Getting out of bed after a night of sweats and jerking in my sleep ect i was like a zombie and felt as though i had been drinking all night. I gave in to taking HRT and have been pn premique low dose for a month. Nearly all symptoms have disappeared and i feel like my old self, no sweats, no brain fog, im at uni and just finished a paper, and my energy and mood is great. Go and see your doctor as you can beat this !! of course this drug may not be suited to all women as it depends on your general health and issues you have. But really you can get help just do your research and ask yourGP.
Wish you loads of luck
Julie
Thanks to all for the support. I am just so surprised at how little we are all prepared for this. It's been a hush topic for so long.
We all try so hard to show we can compete with men, we can. But we to compete with them we try to do all they can and then do all the family stufff and cope with hormones.
I feel like I have failed at work because I have let my female hormones get the better of me.
No matter how bad your menopause symtoms are, I wonder how we all cope. How did Hilary Clinton get through it, how did Queen Elizabeth do it, Angela Merkel etc....